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Hot Fucking Stove: May I Interest You In News About The Houston Astros?
Folks, the Hot Stove is as cold as a popsicle being licked by Dick Cheney. There has been minimal baseball news to speak of this week, with the exception of one team. You heard about these Astros?...
Houston Is Destroying Fifth-Ranked Louisville Thanks To Some Insane Plays
Louisville came into this evening’s game with Houston with a decent chance of making the playoff. Even if Alabama and Clemson win out, all they had to do was win out and inevitably leapfrog the loser of the Ohio State-Michigan game. Instead, they are in the process of getting turned into jelly by th...
James Harden Is Free To Be Great
The Houston Rockets, while in the final throes of the failed partnership between James Harden and Dwight Howard, transformed from a contender into one of the saddest-ass teams in the NBA last year. Now Howard is gone, Mike D’Antoni is the new coach, and James Harden is, uh, holy shit, look at James ...
Fast Break Reinvented
One time I was playing basketball and I fell and my shorts came off somehow. That’s about as bad as what happened to Sam Dekker here, or more accurately, what Sam Dekker did to himself....
Will You Remember Andre Johnson?
Yesterday afternoon, Andre Johnson walked away from the NFL. It’s the second such abrupt retirement by a one-time star of the Houston Texans who was living out the twilight of his career with a downtrodden franchise, and like Arian Foster, Johnson was, at best, a bit player on his new team in Tennes...
![Texans TE C.J. Fiedorowicz Exits Game After Hit To The Head [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/p8wniwnldinbhwxtrsob.jpg)
Texans TE C.J. Fiedorowicz Exits Game After Hit To The Head [Update]
Houston Texans tight end C.J. Fiedorowicz is being evaluated for a concussion after leaving Sunday’s game. Attempting to catch a pass from Texans QB Brock Osweiler in the second quarter, he took a hit to the head from Detroit Lions safety Tavon Wilson. Fiedorowicz immediately grabbed his helmet and ...
Brock Osweiler Was Historically Bad Tonight<em></em>
Here is a neat, one-play summary of how Brock Osweiler’s return to Denver went....
Texans Tackle Derek Newton Tore Both His Patellar Tendons On This Play
Texans right tackle Derek Newton sustained one of the worst injures you possibly could this evening, when he tore both the patellar tendon on both of his knees. He appears to have fallen down while planting to block Von Miller, and he was helped off in a double air cast. Ian Rapoport reports that th...
We're Simulating Texans-Broncos In <i>Tecmo Super Bowl III</i>
TEXANS. BRONCOS. TECMO SUPER BOWL III ON SUPER NINTENDO. We’re taking our simulation to the next level, LIVE: ...
The Colts Ended A Dumb Streak In A Dumb Way
Who was the last Indianapolis Colts player to have at least 100 rushing yards in one game? Just kidding, there’s absolutely no reason to know that, but it was Vick Ballard in Week 15 of the 2012 season. Last night, Frank Gore finally snapped the streak. Then unsnapped it. Then resnapped it....
The AFC South Is This Year's Poop Division
It’s my favorite time of the year! That time when the leaves start changing, the air gets crisp, and we all get to point at one division in the NFL and say, “Holy shit! All those teams are ass!”...
Report: ESPN, Fox Willing To Pay To Nix Big 12 Expansion
A new report indicates the insufferable Big 12 expansion saga will mercifully be coming to end within the next three days. ...
Hell Yeah, Underhand Free Throws Are Back In The NBA
Have you heard the news? ...
Rockets Point Guard Bobby Brown Apologizes For Writing His Name On The Great Wall Of China
Rockets backup point guard Bobby Brown apparently does not subscribe to the principle of, “Take only photographs; Leave only memories.”...
Navy Stuns Houston With Upset
After swapping leads with Houston throughout the first half, Navy pulled away in the last two quarters to come away with a huge upset by a score of 46-40....
Astros Apologize For Minor Leaguer's Shitheaded Tweet
Brooks Marlow is a baseball player in the Astros minor league system. He would kindly like these lady broadcasters out of his face. Get off ESPN, lady broadcaster, game’s on! ...
Jeff Van Gundy Advocates Zero-Tolerance Policy For Domestic Violence Offenders
The Houston Rockets and New York Knicks met in the preseason this evening, and ESPN announcer Jeff Van Gundy used the occasion of Derrick Rose’s first appearance with the Knicks to make some points about domestic violence and how Adam Silver and the NBA should deal with players who are convicted of ...
Report: J.J. Watt Re-Injured His Back, Possibly Out For The Season
The Texans, who suck, are about to lose their best player. Ian Rapoport of NFL Network reported this evening that fanatical defensive megastar J.J. Watt hurt his back again....
How The Hell Do The Patriots Do It?
Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels are rightly being universally praised for the game plan that resulted in last night’s complete ass whupping of the incompetent Texans. But the Patriots’ 3-0 start with a pair of inexperienced quarterbacks not named Tom Brady, and a total of 14 snaps with banged-up R...