houston Page 74 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
For The 2013 Season, The Astros Will Go To The AL West And Basically Everyone Will Go To The Playoffs
MLB's owners unanimously approved the sale of the Houston Astros from Drayton McLane to Jim Crane today, and included a $65 million price cut in the deal. The Astros will leave the NL Central and join the AL West for the 2013 season, and, to the relief of symmetricists everywhere, each league will h...
![Oh No, Matt Leinart Is Back [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4rompziq9mjpg.jpg)
Oh No, Matt Leinart Is Back [UPDATE]
Hey, remember that thing I wrote on Friday about the Texans storming their way to top seed in the AFC? And remember that game they won 37-9 on Sunday?...
Dear Lord! The Texans Are Gonna Be The AFC's Top Seed In The Playoffs
Man, football is weird, huh? If the season ended today, the Houston Texans and Cincinnati Bengals would be the two top seeds in the AFC playoffs, and that's peculiar. Neither of those teams made the playoffs last year, if you'll recall, and neither one has won a playoff game in a long time. (Houston...
Oh, No. No, No, No. (Man Gets A Texans Super Bowl Champions Tattoo)
Man, Chris Brown, you are a brave, stupid man. Not only did you get a Texans logo tattooed on your arm, framed by the words "Super Bowl" XVLI Champion. But you shaded the area behind the roman numerals so you won't be able to fix it in the future. Why would you do this, Chris?...
Let's All Enjoy The Poetry In Motion That Is Several Fat Men Lateraling A Sack-Fumble Recovery
The Jacksonville Jaguars, whose only real highlight play this season came in a torrential downpour, executed a lovely double-lateral after a Clint Session sack of Texans quarterback Matt Schaub in the second quarter of their matchup at Reliant Stadium....
Kevin Walter Called Cortland Finnegan A Prick
Texans WR Kevin Walter went on The Big Show on 790 in Houston this morning to talk Sunday's battle for the heart of the AFC South. You can listen to the whole interview over there, but we've pulled out the bulletin board material, as the kids like to say. Walter, who will probably be covered by Fi...
Buddy Ryan's "Polish Goal Line" Defense Was Against The Rules, And That Was The Point
This diagram is supposed to be from the Houston Oilers' playbook in 1993, the one season Buddy Ryan spent as the team's defensive coordinator. It depicts a special goal-line formation Ryan designed for the end of the half or the end of the game—situations in which there were "less than 15 seconds,"...
Derrick Mason Says Those Five Games He Played For The Jets Never Actually Happened
From the New York Post: "To me, I went from Baltimore to here [the Texans]," Mason told The Post after the Ravens beat his new team 29-14. "I don't know what you're talking about when you mention that other place, but this place here I'm excited about."...
Waitress Says Minor Leaguer Groped Her, Actually Said "Do You Know Who I Am? I Play For The ValleyCats"
Right, maybe we have glorified athletes too much in this country when a Short-Season A ballplayer feels empowered enough to pull the old "Do you know who am?" That's what one member of the Tri-City ValleyCats (a Houston Astros affiliate) allegedly told a waitress after grabbing her chest and behind ...
Astros Outfielder Arrested For Allegedly Smoking Weed In Front Of A Cop
In 30 games as the Houston Astros centerfielder this season, Jordan Schafer hit .245 with one home run and six RBI. In one night as the driver of a 2008 Land Rover in Tampa yesterday, Schafer hit one joint and kept additional marijuana "in a plastic container and in three peanut butter cups."...
Starting In The Basement: A Day At Open Tryouts For The NBA's D-League
One of the first things that Jay Larranaga, head coach of the Erie Bayhawks, tells the 35 players who have paid $150 apiece to possibly have a shot at maybe earning a spot on his NBA Development League team, is that they are not really talented. Well, he doesn't say it exactly like that. But everyon...
There Is An NBA GM Out There Who Doesn't Know How To Use Google
Ever wonder if the men who run our professional basketball teams are as clueless as the men who were running our professional baseball teams (as depicted by Michael Lewis in his 2003 book Moneyball)? There is no definitive answer to that question, yet, but we do now know that at least one NBA GM doe...
Hey Look, More Photos Of Matt Leinart Hanging Out With Party Girls!
Matt Leinart, backup quarterback of the Houston Texans, can still make the ladies straddle and swoon, even without the aid of a beer bong. One reader sent us photos of Leinart once again doing his Leinart thing if only to show the world that he's still capable of doing that thing. Yeah, he is. ...
PNC Park's Acoustics Are So Good That You Can Hear A Home Run Hit The Empty Bleachers
In tonight's epic showdown between the Houston Astros and Pittsburgh Pirates, Carlos Lee hit a two-run dinger in the top of the first. What tipster Trey A. pointed out was that "I've never heard a HR hit the outfield bleachers before. But yet again, I've never watched a Pirates game."...
Found: Ole Miss Hat Girl Is Hanna Nutt, Coach's Daughter
Ryan, one of our readers, had been captivated by the Girl In The Hat while watching BYU-Ole Miss the other day—so much so that he asked us to assemble the I-Team to learn her identity. And last night, we went to work....
Peyton Manning Will Likely Miss His First Career Start On Sunday
...And probably many more: "As a result of the most recent development the doctors have decided that Peyton will not practice. His participation therefore, in Sunday's game versus Houston will likely be doubtful... As was stated at the outset, it serves no useful purpose to speculate about hypotheti...
Astros Announcer Pauses, Reflects, Remains Completely Baffled By The Foreign Concept Of Reggaeton
We will admit that we didn't really expect the broadcasters of the NL Central's most insipid ballclub to be familiar with the collected works of reggaeton superstars Don Omar or Daddy Yankee. (Though, come to think of it, "Dame Mas Gasolina" describes Octavio Dotel's career well.)...
Arian Foster Can't Stand Colin Cowherd, Either
Foster joins George C. Scott (and, well, "everybody"): "Did you want to be a critic as a child? Or did your dreams die with your humility? RT @ESPN_Colin Hey Arian Foster—-'We really do care about you as a human too. Um,now about that hammy? —signed, everybody" [@ArianFoster, @ESPN_Colin]...
Arian Foster Really Does Not Care About Your Fantasy Team
Foster, last season's rushing champion, tweaked his left hamstring in last night's 49ers-Texans preseason game. He hurt the same hamstring earlier in camp. He appreciates your concern about his semitendinosus, unless you are concerned simply because of your fantasy team....
Houston Dynamo's Stoppage-Time Goal Causes Their Announcer To Orgasm On Air
Perhaps you might react with some skepticism to this man's gleeful shrieking: after all, the win only brought Houston to 8-7-11, and Real Salt Lake isn't one of the MLS's top teams....