i Page 7711 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Welcome Back Everybody!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who secretly wishes that the NBA regular season was even longer. When he's not formally requesting that David Stern institute a 300-game season, you can find him engaged in thrilling intellectual debates regarding fart jokes at Basketbawful. Enjoy! Agent Ze...
Giants Show Everyone Their Merkin
Tim Lincecum and Merkin Valdez, what an unbeatable duo. Both were instrumental in the Giants' first win of the season on Wednesday, 2-1 over the Dodgers. Witness this AP paragraph, which is my pick for paragraph of the year so far: The Dodgers announced less than 20 minutes before game time that Hon...
Chris Henry. Arrested. Again. Really, Chris? Really? (UPDATE: And Now He's Gone)
Chris Henry is going to be arrested again. This is a statement you probably could have made at any point in the last, oh, three years. But it's one you can make specifically for today. Because Chris Henry is being arrested today....
Stanley Pringle: Jackin' It
You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is....
About Last Night
What you missed while going to the beach and using your new Super Bowl ring to signal ships ... • NFL: Owners get together and cook up a bunch of goofy new rules. Fun! • NBA: Dirk is back, which evidently the Warriors weren't expecting. Dallas 111, Golden State 86. • NHL: Penguins clinch division ti...
The Sixers Are Good Now, So Mary Carey Shall Climb Them
How about those Sixers? it was only a few short months ago that the team was in a completely understandable death spiral, thought to be rebuilding, being encouraged to dump its expensive players to stock up for the future. And now? Well, the Sixers are on the cusp of miraculously making the playoffs...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch before you puke all over a Cowboys' fan • NBA: Boston Celtics vs. Indiana Pacers: Watch Big Baby Davis bring the thunder. ESPN 7 p.m. • MLB: Toronto Blue Jays vs. New York Yankees: Try to catch Hideki Matsui's mind wander toward his porno collection. ESPN2, 7 p.m. • MMA: UFC Fight Nigh...
A New Approach On How To Get Out Of Those Pesky DUIs
Most of us have probably made the ridiculously stupid decision to drink and drive at some point in our lives. Some of us may have even been pulled over, which makes the stupid decision become an expensive and humiliating one. (Here's a tip: Refuse the breathalzyer.) But even if those circumstances d...
Lute Olson's Back And Surly Like A Fox
The University of Arizona has its long-standing head basketball coach back on the bench, but he apparently upped his prickliness quotient during his season-long leave of absence . First order of business? Fire the guy who kept the ship afloat while you were gone. Kevin O'Neill, who was at one point ...
Make Shea Rock Slightly Harder This Year
Right now, you can vote for the song that the Mets should play during the eighth-inning singalong at Shea this year. The choices are as boring as you'd expect: "Brown Eyed Girl," "Sweet Caroline," ... jeez, is that the theme song from "Friends?" Ack!...
Rent Dennis Rodman For All Your Parties And Bar Mitzvahs
Anyone who discovered our little site here in the last two years — as opposed to being one of those sorry souls who were here at the very beginning — might not know about Darren Prince. Prince, famously, is Dennis Rodman's lawyer, who took exception with our coverage of Rodman's first book signing, ...
Say Yes To Drugs
Every two weeks, the gents at Free Darko will be taking a look at the deranged ecosystem that is the National Basketball Association in their own indelible fashion. Here's this week's entry, from Bethlehem Shoals....
Moises Alou's Timing Leaves Much To Be Desired
As has been well documented, if Moises Alou, back in 2003, just slowly jogs away from the left-field wall, no one ever knows who Steve Bartman is, and people can go back to blaming Alex Gonzalez or Mark Prior or whomever they want to blame. (You know, people who actually played.) A few years ago, Al...
Larry King's Temper Rears Its Ugly Shoulder Blades
CNN's venerable talk show host Larry King may not have any trouble conversing with some of the world's most famous people or constructing a brilliant turn-of-phrase, but he does have some trouble controlling himself when umpires start ruining his young son's Little League games....
Obama Really Just Wants To Be Dr. J
A couple of weeks ago, Barack Obama appeared on Philadelphia's 610 WIP sports radio station and made a somewhat controversial statement about his grandmother being a "typical white person," which got everybody all fired up. (Ironically? Most of them were typical white people.)...
Joel Zumaya, Still Rocking
You may remember, from a year and a half ago, Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya being injured because of his addiction to Guitar Hero. (It happens. We understand.) Well, Zumaya, who is out until midseason, apparently has not lost the jones, as this recent Facebook picture attests....
A Fox Sports Rant
• Enough about ESPN already! Here's what's seriously wrong with Fox Sports. [Speaking In Tongue] • If Trev Alberts calls you out, you're probably doing something right. [Bugs And Cranks] • Do not taunt Jay Bilas. [Stet Sports] • Seattle still gamely trying to figure something out with the Sonics. Wh...
Those Proofreading Cubbies
Up until this morning, this was what the new Ernie Banks statue looked like in front of Wrigley Field. Yes, they missed an apostrophe....
Media Approval Ratings: Mike Lupica
We've noticed lately, during our daily readings of the New York Daily News, that Mike Lupica is writing as much about politics as he is about sports. It makes sense; why can't blowing-with-the-wind "conventional wisdom" apply as well to Hillary Clinton as it does to Jason Giambi?...