i Page 8103 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Congressional Steroids Diary: Limping, Bleeding Into The Afternoon
11:26 a.m.: Say what you will about the guy, but Don Fehr is no wuss. He just went through each point of the proposed anti-steroid bill and trashed pretty much all of them. Fortunately, he was followed by the commissioner of a league that doesn t really exist right now, so no one will remember....
What's Bill's Cartoon About?
Tomorrow is the day we have all been waiting for: A new Bill Simmons cartoon! It has been nearly three months since we last saw the little animated Bill — save that weird scary one at the top of his page that blinks — and, hey, who hasn't missed them?...
California Legislature Publicly Confesses Boredom
Angels owner Arte Moreno is the type of guy we like. In case you forgot, this guy got around the Angels' agreement with the city of Anaheim that he would keep their city in the team's name by calling them the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim," knowing full well that the name would just be shortened...
Congressional Steroids Diary: The First Hour
10:10 a.m.: Representative Cliff Stearns (R-Fla.) says that sports values performance more than character. No!...
We Love The Fat Basketball Players
With ESPN's Chad Ford crying Chicken Little about the potential of an NBA lockout, we got to thinking about the last NBA lockout. Remember that one? Like hockey, nobody really missed the NBA when it was gone, but that didn't stop the players from putting together a Pay-Per-View game in Atlantic C...
Three Easy Jokes We Apologize For In Advance
Joe Bryant To Coach In Japan [Reuters]...
Congress Notices Nose on Face And The Sky (Occassionally)
Ha. We can't believe we missed this. In addition to the five "major" sport commissioners and various labor heads testifying before Congress, the Greatest Legislators and Orators of Our Time has also called ... Washington Wizards guard Juan Dixon....
Pujols Resists Temptation To Kill Fan
Here's a perfect example of how powerful ESPN is. Last night, Albert Pujols, while chasing a foul ball down the first base line, was grasped by a drunken Philadelphia fan in the front row. Pujols kept his cool, glowering at and lecturing the man before giving the ball to a kid next to him, becaus...
Those Who Still Remember Hockey To Meet Again
Apparently, the NHL actually intends on playing again. But when? And where? And who cares? Anyway, TSN of Canada, whose reporters have presumably been in Aruba for a few months, says players and league officials will be meeting all day today to try to figure out how they will split the 40 bucks i...
Exercises In Immolation
We're going to try something today that pretty much proves definitively that we don't like ourselves very much. At 10 a.m., Congress is having yet another Session On Steroids. Instead of just baseball being under the hot lights of elderly Southern men's inquiries, the commissioners of all five "m...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Fishing The Remote Out Of The Koi Pond ... Pistons Go Up 3-2 Against Pacers. Scoring 67 points in the first half, Indiana went on to ... wait ... 67 points for the game? The fat fan who tried to slug Ron Artest suits up for Pacers in Game 6. Yankees Win 10th Straight. Jason Gia...
Rodman Still Alive. Seriously. He Really Is.
Buried in a news-and-notes column in last Tuesday's Chicago Tribune was this little gem: Dennis Rodman is writing another book. This one is called "The Worm Returns," and details the two years since Rodman quit drinking (which is just a waste, really). We're sorry we just posted about Dennis Rodman;...
To Watch Tonight
What To Do Tonight Instead of Interacting With Other Humans Game 5: Indiana Pacers at Detroit Pistons. Seriously, guys, just get in fight. Honestly. We don't mind. Be our guest. Game 5: Seattle Supersonics at San Antonio Spurs. Ray Allen looks to top that sex scene in He Got Game. Though that would ...
Romanowski Admits To 'Roiding: Earth Shakes
It has come to this: People are admitting to taking steroids in order to promote a movie. Bill Romanowski, in an interview with The Rocky Mountain News, shocks absolutely no one by confessing to using steroids. His quote: "It wasn't about illegal. I was doing things that they couldn't test for. As s...
Rose Talks To Stat Nerds
We have always liked Baseball Prospectus: It's just a bunch of scrappy guys with laptops who realized it was possible that everyone in charge of baseball was an idiot. But now that they've gone mainstream, they've grown up from crunching stats on the back of Outback napkins to rubbing elbows with th...
Meet Chris Heroman
Everything about Chris Heroman is worthy of worship. Look at that name: Hero, Man! According to USA Today, Heroman is a student at Louisiana State University who, on a whim, decided to declare himself eligible for the NBA Draft. Heroman says he's forgoing his final year of college eligibility — thou...
Glazer Throws Weirdo Fans a Bone
The impotent protest of Manchester United fans against the sale of the team to American Malcolm Glazer has inspired giggles from the rest of the world and yawns from the Buccaneers owner. Now, Glazer's representitives will meet with Premier League head Richard Scudamore to go over Glazer's "intentio...
Welcome Back, Bill!
Bill Simmons has returned, with, of course, another excuse. Posting anothershambling "More Cowbell" column (a name that had gotten old before it even started), Big Bill apologizes, saying that he's still deep in edits on his book that we've already read. Other vintage Bill highlights, with what he's...
Creator of Batting Helmet Dies From Something Other Than a Head Injury (Obviously)
Charlie Muse, the inventor of the batting helmet, has died. He worked for the Pittsburgh Pirates for 52 years, mostly as the traveling secretary (his assistant was not George Costanza). "The players laughed at the first helmets, called them miner's helmets," Muse said about his invention. "They said...
"We Went To The Super Bowl. Uh, Flip Card. Daunte Speaks Next."
We know you're watching the George Lopez Show anyway, so we shouldn't need to tell you this, but if you're in the mood for pained line readings and rapidly declining hairlines, Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb and Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper are guest starring on the season (though, sadly,...