i Page 8161 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night ...
What you missed while at the library ... • NBA Playoffs: Heat go up 3-1 on Pistons, and we still don't know if they're a verb or a noun. • MLB: Wood gets first win in 10 months as Cubs top Reds 7-3. Repeat: The Curse of the Woodman is over. • Tennis: Rafael Nadal wins French opener, eclipsing Guille...
I Will Joust You With My Finger, Bitch.
It's very sadly missing from the Sunday TV sports lineup, but there is a hot new sport on the horizon. It's called Finger Jousting, and it's sweeping the... okay, it's not sweeping the nation or anything else. But they do have a website. So that's step one. Here's how the sport works:...
To Watch Tonight...
• Soccer. International Friendly, Latvia @ United States. It's time to work up some good, old-fashioned hatred for Latvia. 7:00, ESPN2. • NBA Playoffs. Dallas Mavericks @ Phoenix Suns. This is the series where they run and score a lot of points... not the boring one where they walk the ball up and t...
Mmmmm... Milk.
Sam Hornish Jr., who pulled out too soon a little earlier in the race, is now free to pop off anytime he would like. He's your Indy 500 Champion, and for some reason, poured a bottle of milk all over himself immediately afterwards. I understand that it's a tradition, but I think it's one that's a ...
Leftovers: Extended Edition...
• An amusing tale of a man and the stench eminating from his hockey bag. [Airing of Grievances]...
Santonio Holmes Already Becoming A Fine Replacement For Plaxico Burress
Former Ohio State receiver and Pittsburgh Steelers #1 draft pick Santonio Holmes was arrested in South Beach early Saturday morning, and unfortunately, it was not for masturbating in a public library. He's charged with disorderly conduct, and police say that he disrupted traffic and was verbally a...
"Sam Hornish Pulled Out Too Soon"
Our pals at Jalopnik are in the corporate hospitality suite, watching the race, and... instant messenging each other. That's not a sentence I thought I'd ever be typing. Here's a snippet:...
NASCAR Gets An Asterisk Of Its Own
When the Coca-Cola 600 kicks off later today, Michael Waltrip will make his 262nd consecutive start, which ranks sixth on the all-time list. But I'm favor of adding a big fat asterisk to Waltrip's spot on the list, because he didn't earn his spot, he bought it....
Ironhead Heyward Passes Away
Craig "Ironhead" Heyward has passed away at the age of 39. He'd been battling a brain tumor for more than seven years, and it finally got the better of him. I think most people will remember him for four things, not necessarily in this order: 1) An outstanding college career at Pitt. 2) A non-quit...
The Heat Take Game Three
It was kind of like the exact opposite of Game 2. The home team controls most of the game, the road team looks like they're more concerned with the viscosity of the oil that Pat Riley uses in his hair, until the road team puts together a few good possessions, gets the game close, and then the home...
For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure...
12:00, ESPN2: Tennis. French Open, Early Rounds, Day 1. If it's not Federer/Nadal, I'm watching the women. Unless, you know, there's something else on. 12:30, NBC: Senior Golf. PGA Championship, Final Round. You know, if you really love watching old white men play golf, you could just head out to ...
More From Deep Inside Indy
The Jalopnik fellas continue to penetrate the Indy 500 scene like Fred Smooth with a broomstick. They've already wormed their way into the official Indy 500 parade, ripped the lid off of an apparent child-slavery ring in the Indianapolis area, and taken a lap around the track in the official pace ...
About Last Night...
• NBA Playoffs: Pistons 83, Heat 98. Dwyane Wade had 35, Shaq had 27, and the Pistons had better start thinking about being concerned. Tom Brady seemed to be enjoying himself in his pretty white suit, though....
Because We Love A Good Parade...
...particularly when the guys at Jalopnik are able to crash the Indy 500 parade, and somehow end up in the damn thing. They were in the car that was just ahead of the Row 1, in fact. Here, I'll let them explain (part 1, and part 2). The amount of fun these guys seem to be having is just not fair....
I'm Getting A Good Vibe From This World Cup...
Since we're already on a pretty good masturbation theme this week, I want to be sure that we don't leave out the ladies. If the video of Mike Cooper in a library wasn't quite doing it for them, the England soccer vibrator may do the job. The company's website makes some bold claims:...
Some Ugliness In Iraq
At the risk of adding some gloom to an otherwise fun day, and also of inciting some of that nasty political talk, I should mention that a couple of Iraqi tennis players and a coach were killed recently for the crime of wearing shorts....
Leftovers...
• The long-suffering Cubs fans at The Heckler record a new unofficial anthem for Cubs fans. It is entitled, obviousy, "There'll Always Be Next Year." I think you'll enjoy it. [The Heckler]...
Today In Soccer...
Germany 7-0 Luxembourg. Lots of international friendlies going on today in preparation for the World Cup, and you know, I don't think it would kill Germany to be nice to Luxembourg, just once. They unleashed a serious beating on the undermanned 'Bourgers today, with two goals each from Oliver Neuv...
...And The Sex Boat Sails Out Of Our Lives
It looks like we may be officially closing the cabin door on the Minnesota sex boat incident. Both Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot pleaded guilty yesterday to disorderly conduct and being a public nuisance on a watercraft. They'll both get fines and community service. And here's a nice quote from t...
Oooh, It's Contest Time!
In another of their festive Indy 500 events, Jalopnik is having a little IndyCar-designing contest. Design a fancy IndyCar for Deadspin and/or Jalopnik, and you could become a hero to millions....