ill Page 656 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Joel Przybilla's Extended Family Is Not Cool With David Stern's Stupid Fines
Portland Trailblazer Joel Przybilla was fined $7,500 for this altercation with Tyson Chandler last week. For comment on this momentous national story, the media naturally turned to the 83-year-old grandmother of Przybilla's wife....

And It Only Took Them 307 Years
Hey Bulldog: Former Jacksonville Jaguars assistant Tom Williams is hired at Yale, becoming the school's first black head football coach. [Hartford Courant]...

NBC Keeps Matt Millen In Their Pretty Little Cage
To everyone who is incensed about The Worst GM In History™ joining NBC's Super Bowl crew, consider the alternative. As long as he's on TV, he can't destroy your favorite football team. [Detroit News]...
![J.C. Romero Rises Up For [Dumb] Puerto Ricans Everywhere](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18f17vy5xtnrhjpg.jpg)
J.C. Romero Rises Up For [Dumb] Puerto Ricans Everywhere
This proves that J.C. Romero's hyper-excitement on the mound is not something manufactured just for his relief appearances....

Switch Hitter: Burrell Agrees In Principle With Rays
Pat Burrell rips out Daulerio's heart, stomps on it, gives it a mohawk. [ESPN]...

Jay Mariotti Column Commenting Is Back On The Air
One thing I failed to consider with the previous post; you can comment on Jay's columns now! This is fun we never had when he was at the Sun-Times....

Peyton Manning Won't Be Twittering Anytime Soon
"It's not the right fit for Peyton, he's not that spontaneous. If Peyton did it he would plan it all out and make sure he did the best - he wouldn't have any typos." [NYT]...

Ko Simpson Is Arrested, Worth Millions
The last 12 months were not good ones for the Buffalo Bills, so safety Ko Simpson decided to kick the new year off right by getting arrested back in his hometown in South Carolina....

Another Thing Brett Favre Possibly Ruined For The Jets
"Sources close to Cowher said he did not want to have Favre as his quarterback, and that he also wanted to bring in people he was familiar with to handle personnel." [NY Post]...

Psyche! Cowher Comically Pulls Rug From Under Jets
Not so fast, Jets fans. This guy was almost done with his makeshift Bill Cowher T-shirt when the news came down: The Scowl has rebuffed the green and white after all....

Cowher Considering Bringing His Scowl To New York
I'd always thought that Bill Cowher looked the most natural in New York, where his scowl seems the most at home. Now, he and the Jets are talking, apparently....

It Takes A Village To Organize A Bowl Game
It's never been more obvious that the college bowl system as we know it is in trouble; now they're marketing the games like minor league baseball. And so, enter: The Village People....

The Year In...Sports Fella
So, the next nine days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: Bill Simmons...

The Few, The Proud, The Phillies Ball Girls
After a grueling tryout process, which included a written test, the Phillies have whittled down more than a thousand applicants to select their 2009 ball girls. Oh happy day!...

She Just Wanted It to Snow
Perhaps this young Sooner is just feeling a little extra emotion in the weeks leading up to the national championship. All we know is that she's sorry, and she'll totally sweep the floor....

Patrick Willis Lives In A Land Of Confusion
I'd like to say that 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis is the most underrated defensive player in the NFL, but the guy has been to two straight Pro Bowls, so someone's noticing....

The Pigeon Had It Coming
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call needs your help. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

Manning Heroically Leads Colts Over Sucky Team, Into Playoffs
With their big 31-24 victory over the Jaguars last night, the Colts are back in the playoffs with their sixth consecutive 11-win season, meaning that this kid can invite friends into his room again....

Former Ravens Cheerleader Is Secret Millionaire, Still Completely Awesome
Of course you know that Molly Shattuck was the oldest cheerleader in NFL history, at age 38 (what, you don't keep stats?). But did you know that she's also a Secret Millionaire? MILF Money!...

World F'In Champions May Get Expensive For Some Philadelphia Stations
Chase Utley's prideful "World Fucking Champions" speech at the Phillies parade could be costly to some local radio and television stations. The meddling FCC is now considering handing out fines for the October 31st slip-up which aired live to most of the Philadelphia area. Of course, the celebratory...