ill Page 699 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Walton, Man ... BILL! WALTON!
We'd be remiss if we didn't point out the ESPN Sportsnation chat with Bill Walton, in which everyone's favorite Acid Fried Analyst responds to your innocent five-word questions with three paragraphs of unadulturated Capitalized madness....
Look Out For The Black Mamba. (Relax, We Don't Mean Literally)
We hate to be the ones who have to point this out, but after all we've made fun of him for — with our personal favorite still being Chuck Klosterman's notion that the Lakers are like "an eighth-grade intramural team which happens to have one kid with a mustache" — it's worth noting that the man no...
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Illinois Joins The Ranks Of The Defeated
That nasty Iowa defense spent the day sweating Dee Brown into a 2-of-14 performance from field, holding him to just six points and polishing off a 63-48 Iowa victory....
Playoff Pants Party: Jaguars Vs. Patriots
This is the late game tomorrow night, which means, if you plan your day correctly, you should be properly hammered enough by halftime to confuse that dude in the corner with some ex-girlfriend who did you wrong. (Or, for female and non-traditional male readers, uh ... OK, we're not sure what the ...
New Vikings Coach Sporting Rare Mustache/Baldness Combo
Today, the Minnesota Vikings will announce that Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress will be their new coach, or, if you can't resist making the same joke everybody else is making this morning, captain of their ship. Childress has been with the Eagles for seven years, and, having seen Requi...
Jamar Smith Fever, People: Catch It
Our father knows us very well, so when we went home for the holidays, he bought us the best gift we can remember receiving: A Illini jersey T-shirt of Jamar Smith. Who's Jamar Smith, you ask? Oh, you'll know very soon. He's the Illini's freshman shooting guard whose 3-point touch is like a tip-in....
Tracking The NBA's Secret Man
If you're unsure of just how cool this whole Web stuff can be, get over to Henry Abbott's True Hoop and check out how investigative reporting will be done in the future. (And we don't mean "with rocket packs," though that's possible.)...
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....
A Match Made In ... Well, In Detroit
We were marvelling this morning at the potential news: Matt Millen and the Detroit Lions are bringing in former Saints coach Jim Haslett for a job interview. We don't necessarily think that hiring Haslett would bring the Fire Millen crowd much closer to dragging the guy out of his house and having...
They Must Draw 6,000 Fans, Or God Will Call Them Home
So we were watching the Illini's 89-64 victory over Southeast Missouri State last night — we have the ESPN Full Court package; you honestly do not want to know how much money we give that network — and when it was over, we flipped around the other games. It was a bad Full Court night; nothing but ...
Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs
It does seem like this has been happening a lot of late: The Buffalo Bills a couple of weeks ago didn't allow several fans to bring their anti-management signs into Ralph Wilson Stadium, threatening them with ejection if they didn't throw the sign away. The Associated Press interviews Mike Allenba...
Elsewhere...
• College Basketball: Detroit 48, Louisville 56. "I'm not pleased with our improvement," Louisville head coach Rick Pitino said after the game. Hey, ya think? Meanwhile, this may be the best thing to happen to Detroit basketball since Dick Vitale left to take an NBA job in 1978. • Rugby: Stade Fra...
Tuna About To Spoil?
ESPN's Chris Mortensen reported this morning that Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells is considering retiring at the conclusion of this year. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is pushing him to sign an extension, but the death of Parcells' brother a few weeks ago has him thinking retirement, according to Mor...
The AFC Wildcard Picture
Pittsburgh, Jacksonville, San Diego and Kansas City are all still slugging it out for the two wildcart spots in the AFC. Only two of them are going to make it, which is kind of a shame since each of them, with the possible exception of Jacksonville, are probably better than all but one team in the...
Setting The 1 o'clock Table...
• Pittsburgh @ Cleveland. Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger makes an emotional return to Ohio, where he was only good enough in high school to be runner up for the title of Mr. Football in 1999. So if you you see Ben running around the field screaming, "Where's your Bam Childress NOW, bitches?" you'l...
End Of Days For Quin Snyder
Well, OK, we're back in brittle, frighteningly cold South Central Illinois right now — where, unlike, New York, we at least didn't have to walk to work — and we watched that Illini destruction of Missouri last night. It was so brutal that we took less joy in the victory than sympathy for Missouri,...
Back Home For Braggin' Rights
Every family has its tradition over the holidays, and this is ours: We go back to our hometown of Mattoon, Illinois to watch the annual Busch Braggin' Rights college basketball game between our beloved Illini and the Missouri Tigers. It might seem silly to those weaned on the opposite coasts, but ...
It's A White Christmas In Sports
The yearly report from SportsBusiness Journal on the 50 Most Powerful People In Sports Business is out, and, like the rest of on-field sports, it's almost all white people! Who can forget that classic Brian Scalabrine-Fred Hoiberg battle last night? Someday one of those guys is gonna dunk!...
Chris Kaman: Even Weirder Than You Think
We've given the Los Angeles Times' Bill Plaschke his fair share of grief, but we must give credit where it is due: His column yesterday on bizarro Clippers center Chris Kaman is pretty outstanding stuff. We might even go so far as to call ourselves tickled....