illinois Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Eastern Illinois-Minnesota Featured A Three-Yard Punt And Dick Punch

Tonight, college football gave us a horrendous punt and punch to the dick, all in one game. Thanks, college football....

That Sounds... Awful

Penn State's D.J. Newbill Ejected For Shoving Kendrick Nunn In Neck

Plays like this always make me think about the existence of a textbook for broadcasters. "It's always the second guy who gets caught" would be in Chapter 1, along with a section on Aikmanisms like "...and I'm not so sure they didn't do just that, Joe." Anyway, D.J. Newbill was the second guy here—...

SIU Coach Blasts "Mama's Boys" Players In Exquisite Rant

After Southern Illinois's 73-65 loss at Murray State last night, Salukis coach Barry Hinson tore into his team with a six-minute rant that's right up there with history's best. Give a listen:...

The Illinois Student Section Is The Saddest-Est

Things have somehow gotten worse for the Illinois student section. Things are so bad we've been forced to make an uber superlative. You know what, though? Good for those dozen(s?) or so who did show up. Scrappers 'til the end. ...

The Illinois Student Section Is The Saddest

So much sadness for the Illini faithful these days. The latest insult came today as Illinois hosted Ohio State and it...it did not go well. The Buckeyes rolled 60-35 and the student section was so barren it couldn't even spell shit out with signs. ...

Cliff Alexander Fakes Out Illinois, Commits To Kansas Instead [Updates]

Cliff Alexander, a 6'8" forward from Chicago, gave Illinois fans one last hilarious kick in the balls as he faked pulling on an Illini cap before switching to his actual selection, Kansas....

so touchdown such bcs wow very cheer much maction...

Illinois QB's Father Banned From Campus After Arrest

Nathan Creer, the father of Illinois starting quarterback Nathan Scheelhaase has been banned from campus for a year after being involved in a drunken fight at Saturday's game. ...

Illinois Pizza Place Offers Free Pizza If You Show Your Boobs

One late-night pizza place on an Illinois college campus has engineered a creative way for girls to pay for pizza slices in lieu of cash. Wait, did I say "creative"? I meant "fucking creepy." ...

Ron Zook Works At A Florida Bank Now, And He'll Respond To Your Email

Former Florida and Illinois coach Ron Zook has given college coaching the old college try twice, and failed twice. Now he's in an exile of sorts in Florida. And he's working at a bank....

Eastern Illinois RB Accused Of Robbing A Jimmy John's Delivery Man At Knifepoint, Takes Great Mug Shot

Bobby Pettis hasn't played a game for FCS Eastern Illinois, sitting out the 2012 season after transferring from D-II. He might not suit up in 2013 either....

Gus Johnsons's First Gusgasm Of March, Courtesy Of An Illinois Buzzer-Beater

Here's Brandon Paul dispatching Minnesota from a first-round Big Ten tournament game with a gorgeous buzzer-beater, and giving Gus Johnson an excuse to lose his shit. ...

If You Really Want To Secure A Rebound, Make It A Flying-Kick Rebound

Want to ensure you never get outrebounded? Just follow Illinois State Redbirds forward Jackie Carmichael's lead. There was almost no chance Carmichael would not come down with it, but almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades....

That $5,000 Football "Signed By American Presidents" Is The Most Damning Of Jesse Jackson Jr.'s Alleged Illicit Spoils

If the federal case against him is accurate, Jesse Jackson Jr. is taking a fall in part because of his covetousness for a "football signed by American Presidents" valued at $5,000. The former U.S. Congressman from Illinois and a conspirator are accused of fraudulently raising campaign funds and usin...

The Fighting Illini Ticket Office Chose An Unfortunate Picture To Advertise The Penn State Game

Illinois's ticket office sent this email blast out to its fans early this morning—view the full email online here, while it lasts—as a Valentine's Day promotion. The team beat Purdue by 20 at home last night, and so it's trying to move tickets to its next home game, against the woeful Nittany Lions....

Illinois Shocks No. 1 Indiana On A Last-Second Layup

This is how you gain and then lose a No. 1 ranking in a span of five days. Illinois's Tyler Griffey's uncontested lay-up at the buzzer sealed a huge win over top-ranked Indiana, a game in which the Hoosiers were up 11 with 6:30 remaining. ...

Northern Illinois Set Multiple Records For Offensive Futility, But You Wouldn't Know It From The Student Recap

Northern Illinois had a rough go of things yesterday. After a lay-up one minute into the game, the Huskies failed to record another field goal for 24 minutes and 33 seconds. They scored only four points in the first half (a record), shot 13.1% from the field for the game (a record), and went 1-33 f...

Forbes's 2012 List Of The Most Valuable Teams In College Football Reads A Lot Like The 1936 AP Poll

Forbes's latest best guess at the most valuable college football programs is out, and if you're a Texas fan, congratulations: Your slavering devotion to the Death Star of the Big 12 has paid off once again. You're number one! Granted, you're in the "also receiving votes" category in the AP's poll of...

“You Realize A Lot Of Things [While In Jail]”: Josh Brent Before The Manslaughter Charge

Until today, when he was arrested and charged with intoxication manslaughter for an overnight accident that killed his friend and longtime teammate Jerry Brown, all outward appearances in the press were that Josh Brent was maturing into a solid NFL pro. That after jeopardizing his career with a misd...