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Mt. Take Is Rumbling

The Melbourne Cup Is Decadent And Depraved

You may have read Hunter S. Thompson’s famous article recounting the rampant debauchery at the Kentucky Derby and thought you’d glimpsed the true, beating heart of insane white people shit. But you’d have been mistaken. It’s not until you see these photos of the Melbourne Cup, Australia’s most drunk...

FYI: HBO Shows Are Not Real

It’s great to see people speaking out passionately for social justice. So it pains me to tell you that you’ve accidentally been directing that passion towards a world that is total fiction. ...

Ted Cruz Calls Colin Kaepernick A Spoiled Knucklehead

Ted Cruz, whose face is all moist surfaces and uncanny angles and about a third too much skin, will be remembered as the cuck who said to the American people, “Please elect the man who called my wife ugly and implied that my father murdered JFK as the next president of the United States. I’m a puddi...

Debate Prep Is Hard<em></em>

As a celebrity, he had a history of saying improper things, and he was in trouble following a leaked tape of himself at his most offensive. As a candidate, he never seemed to stick to a script, and he’d often contradict himself. And yet professionally unserious Kinky Friedman was running a serious c...

Who Was Really Expecting Colin Kaepernick To Talk About Football?

The San Francisco 49ers got absolutely stomped by the Buffalo Bills Sunday afternoon, allowing three touchdowns in the fourth quarter for a final score of 45-16, sending the hapless 49ers home with a 1-5 record. No one outside of Buffalo really cared about that, though....

That Time Kobe Bryant Destroyed A Hungover Luke Walton

Incoming Lakers head coach Luke Walton was a rookie in L.A. once upon a time, and he joined up right at the tail end of the first era of dominant Kobe Bryant teams. Yesterday, he told a story about Kobe’s intensity back in those days to Jesse Williams on his “Open Run” podcast yesterday. He showed u...

Colin Kaepernick's Contract Just Went From Bad To Worse

When Colin Kaepernick signed his “$126 million” contract with the San Francisco 49ers in 2014, he was already giving them a remarkable amount of concessions for how successful he was at the time. Now that he’s reworked the terms of his contract, as was reported by ESPN’s Adam Schefter last night, hi...

Colin Kaepernick Will Start Against The Bills

San Francisco 49ers head coach Chip Kelly named Colin Kaepernick the starting quarterback for this Sunday’s game against the Buffalo Bills. Blaine Gabbert will be the backup QB. The 49ers are 1-4 this season....

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Says Some Dumb Shit About Colin Kaepernick

It is, let me say here, quite weird to project your own beliefs and aspirations onto an octogenarian Supreme Court justice and expect it to never backfire. But woke Twitter folk hero Ruth Bader Ginsburg, center of a highly marketable personality cult, has some gross things to say about Colin Kaepern...

It's Almost Colin Kaepernick Time

The San Francisco 49ers are bad, and their starting quarterback, Blaine Gabbert, is also bad. Gabbert was terrible against the Cardinals last night, throwing for just 162 yards while getting picked off twice, and he’s now got six picks and five TDs to go along with a completion percentage of 58. Th...

Joel Embiid Meets His Match: A Water Bottle

Joel Embiid finally got onto an NBA basketball court the other day, and we’re all excited to see what he can do. But they have a preseason for a reason, and for Embiid the exhibition games are necessary to learn how to drink water properly: ...

Why Does Anyone Care What Athletes Have To Say About Politics?

So LeBron James has offered his “endorsement”—since the traditional newspaper endorsement has lost whatever influence it ever had, it doesn’t seem too ridiculous to use the word to describe political support given by a guy who throws leather balls against the ground for a living—of Hillary Clinton f...

Local ESPN Radio Station To Drop ECU Game After Band Protest [Update]

Members of the East Carolina marching band took a knee during the playing of the national anthem prior to Saturday’s game between the Pirates and visiting Central Florida. In addition to being booed and heckled throughout the game, the band and football team are being boycotted by a local ESPN radi...

Stan Wawrinka Says He Had An Anxiety Attack Before The U.S. Open Final

To watch Stan Wawrinka dispatch Novak Djokovic in the U.S. Open final last month was to see the physical toll the sport can take. Both men looked dazed and drenched in the heat of late-summer New York City, and Djokovic cramped severely and took an injury timeout for a blistered, bloodied toe. But t...

Colin Kaepernick Calls Trump And Clinton "Proven Liars" Who Were "Trying To Debate Who's Less Racist"

Hillary Clinton won the presidential debate because Donald Trump is a bad man who is bad at most things. But acknowledging that the two-party system dominates American politics doesn’t mean you have to buy into moral relativism. Colin Kaepernick watched the debate and despaired at both choices....

Nebraska Regent Calls For Kneeling Players To Be Kicked Off Team, Then Tries To Deny It

Nebraska player Michael Rose-Ivey held a press conference yesterday and discussed the litany of slurs, threats, and condemnations he and two of his teammates had heard from fans after they kneeled during the national anthem before the Huskers’ game this weekend. Unsurprisingly, there are higher-ups ...

Gregg Popovich Explains America

If Colin Kaepernick wanted to get people talking—or, rather, to amplify the conversation for the benefit of those who wish to avoid it—he succeeded. Just about every sports figure has been asked their takes on the national anthem protests, and on the issues at stake, and yesterday, at Spurs media da...

You Already Know What Mike Ditka Thinks Of Colin Kaepernick, So Let's Just Laugh At His Big Dumb Head

Mike Ditka, a racist porcupine with a perpetual sunburn, has weighed in on the Colin Kaepernick situation. You really don’t need me to tell you exactly what he had to say about Kaepernick, because you already know that Ditka is a rotten old fuck who has been muttering, “If you don’t like America, yo...