irl Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sports! It's Tonight's <i>Mean Girls</i> Liveblog
Look, the White Sox already played today, so there are no sports worth paying attention to tonight. Mean Girls just started on ABC Family, so let’s follow along with that instead....
Pro Cyclist Apologizes For Lame Jokes About Fucking The Podium Girls
Jan Bakelants, most famous for winning the first stage of the 2013 Tour de France and wearing the yellow jersey for a spell, is going to this year’s Tour for AG2R La Mondiale, and he wants everyone to know he’s really horny....
Saints Lineman Nick Fairley Out For The Year With Heart Condition
Nick Fairley had the best season of his career last year for the Saints, racking up 6.5 sacks in 16 starts and earning himself a new $28 million contract with New Orleans. However, the Saints placed him on the non-football injury list this afternoon after doctors evaluated the heart condition that F...
Fox Still Sucks At Broadcasting Golf, Keeping Golfers' Girlfriends Straight
So Brooks Koepka won the U.S. Open at Erin Hills today, bringing to a merciful end Fox’s awful efforts at airing golf—for the weekend, at least. The network went out with a typical bang of a blunder: picking out the wrong Brooks Koepka girlfriend....
The Corporation Does Not Always Have To Win
As you’ve surely* seen by now, the big story of the day has to do with viral videos of some confusing group of United Airlines security and/or cops—it doesn’t matter, they’re all The Man—violently dragging a ticketed passenger out of his seat and off an overbooked Sunday flight. A computer had rand...
Samir Nasri Tweets, Deletes Claims Of "Full Sexual Service" From L.A. IV Treatment Center<em></em>
It looks like Samir Nasri took a quick trip to L.A. while Sevilla is on winter break. How relaxing: the sun, the sand, the IV vitamin therapy, the “full sexual service.”...
Phillies' "Pistachio Girl" Fired For Being A White Nationalist
Emily Youcis, better known as “Pistachio Girl” at Philadelphia Phillies games, has been fired from her vendor job by Aramark, because she couldn’t stop supporting white nationalism online....
<i>Gilmore Girls' </i>Paris Geller Deserves A Happier Ending
The nemesiship-turned-friendship between the cultishly beloved Rory Gilmore and her convenient, cantankerous foil Paris Geller in the original seven seasons of Gilmore Girls is a deeply unfeminist parable about how, in order to be likable, smart women must be unfailingly accommodating and utterly un...
FYI: HBO Shows Are Not Real
It’s great to see people speaking out passionately for social justice. So it pains me to tell you that you’ve accidentally been directing that passion towards a world that is total fiction. ...
Matt Ryan Wanted No Part Of Making This Block
Here are two facts. The first is that the Falcons are rounding into form as an offensive juggernaut, their 45-32 shootout win over the Saints an almost ideal display of firepower that saw them score touchdowns on five consecutive drives. This was a balanced attack, with big nights from Devonte Freem...
Peyton Manning's Hairline Is A Lie
Eagle-eyed reader Jim writes in that an ad campaign on ESPN.com features multiple Peyton Manning hairlines scattered amongst inane takes by Stephen A. Smith and fantasy football promotions. The former NFL QB is shilling for some brand you’ve never heard of, and when we checked for ourselves we found...
Italy Manager On Pirlo And Giovinco Snubs: If You Play In MLS, You Pay The Consequences
Antonio Conte, manager of the Italian national team, has the distinct misfortune of heading into a major international tournament with the worst crop of Italian players in recent memory. So unimpressive is the 30-man preliminary roster he just announced, the bulk of which will make up the squad he t...
Window And Aisle Seats <i>Should</i> Cost More, Sorry
I’m not buying the anecdote that anchors the New York Times’ latest comically obvious business-trend alert. A Ms. Maury Rogoff claims that on a recent flight, she was not only cursed with a middle seat, but also that said seat left her smack-dab between a bickering couple who argued around her, impe...
Before We Table the Discussion on Our New Color Guard Uniforms, I've Got a Few Things to Say
Look, I know we picked the new uniforms already. But I’ve been giving the matter a lot of thought for the last decade or so, and I’ve got some thoughts, and now I’ve got a forum, and I think I deserve a hearing!...
A Proud Parent's Guide To Dominating Girl Scout Cookie Season
For all the fathers and mothers out there, when Girl Scout Cookie season rolls around, your first and foremost emotion should be relief. It could be worse: You could be dealing with a Boy Scout instead. Those poor saps have to sell popcorn. It’s clearly an inferior product. Everyone loves cookies!...
Let's Watch Unaired Footage Of Celebrities Buying Girl Scout Cookies
Chris Rock performed a bit during tonight’s Academy Awards about his daughters’ Girl Scout troop selling cookies at the ceremony. And they really did sell cookies—with celebrities handing over hundreds for boxes of Thin Mints....
Girls High School Basketball Game Ends 108-1
If there’s one thing you can always rely on high school sports to provide, it’s hilarious box scores. Today’s gift comes to us from a girls basketball game in Cleveland, Ohio, between Gilmour High and Northeast Ohio College Prep....
It Looks Like The 49ers Kicked Out The Girl Scouts For A Beyoncé Concert
Earlier this week, the San Francisco 49ers cancelled a planned sleepover at Levi’s Stadium for the top cookie sellers from Girl Scout troops around Northern California. As a reward for selling the most cookies, the scouts were going to spend the night of May 14 eating pizza and watching a movie on t...
The NFL Can't Stop Pandering At Women
The video starts out simply enough, with a stereotypical pseudo-military march followed by a booming voice announcing “Patriots Today!” and a quick announcement from a corporate sponsor. But this report from the New England Patriots soon takes a turn. There are no highlights of tackles, catches, or ...