irl Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Samir Nasri Tweets, Deletes Claims Of "Full Sexual Service" From L.A. IV Treatment Center<em></em>

It looks like Samir Nasri took a quick trip to L.A. while Sevilla is on winter break. How relaxing: the sun, the sand, the IV vitamin therapy, the “full sexual service.”...

Phillies' "Pistachio Girl" Fired For Being A White Nationalist

Emily Youcis, better known as “Pistachio Girl” at Philadelphia Phillies games, has been fired from her vendor job by Aramark, because she couldn’t stop supporting white nationalism online....

<i>Gilmore Girls' </i>Paris Geller Deserves A Happier Ending

The nemesiship-turned-friendship between the cultishly beloved Rory Gilmore and her convenient, cantankerous foil Paris Geller in the original seven seasons of Gilmore Girls is a deeply unfeminist parable about how, in order to be likable, smart women must be unfailingly accommodating and utterly un...

FYI: HBO Shows Are Not Real

It’s great to see people speaking out passionately for social justice. So it pains me to tell you that you’ve accidentally been directing that passion towards a world that is total fiction. ...

Matt Ryan Wanted No Part Of Making This Block

Here are two facts. The first is that the Falcons are rounding into form as an offensive juggernaut, their 45-32 shootout win over the Saints an almost ideal display of firepower that saw them score touchdowns on five consecutive drives. This was a balanced attack, with big nights from Devonte Freem...

Peyton Manning's Hairline Is A Lie

Eagle-eyed reader Jim writes in that an ad campaign on ESPN.com features multiple Peyton Manning hairlines scattered amongst inane takes by Stephen A. Smith and fantasy football promotions. The former NFL QB is shilling for some brand you’ve never heard of, and when we checked for ourselves we found...

It's Not Like Delta's Headquarters Are In Georgia Or Anything

Italy Manager On Pirlo And Giovinco Snubs: If You Play In MLS, You Pay The Consequences

Antonio Conte, manager of the Italian national team, has the distinct misfortune of heading into a major international tournament with the worst crop of Italian players in recent memory. So unimpressive is the 30-man preliminary roster he just announced, the bulk of which will make up the squad he t...

Window And Aisle Seats <i>Should</i> Cost More, Sorry

I’m not buying the anecdote that anchors the New York Times’ latest comically obvious business-trend alert. A Ms. Maury Rogoff claims that on a recent flight, she was not only cursed with a middle seat, but also that said seat left her smack-dab between a bickering couple who argued around her, impe...

Before We Table the Discussion on Our New Color Guard Uniforms, I've Got a Few Things to Say 

Look, I know we picked the new uniforms already. But I’ve been giving the matter a lot of thought for the last decade or so, and I’ve got some thoughts, and now I’ve got a forum, and I think I deserve a hearing!...

A Proud Parent's Guide To Dominating Girl Scout Cookie Season

For all the fathers and mothers out there, when Girl Scout Cookie season rolls around, your first and foremost emotion should be relief. It could be worse: You could be dealing with a Boy Scout instead. Those poor saps have to sell popcorn. It’s clearly an inferior product. Everyone loves cookies!...

Let's Watch Unaired Footage Of Celebrities Buying Girl Scout Cookies

Chris Rock performed a bit during tonight’s Academy Awards about his daughters’ Girl Scout troop selling cookies at the ceremony. And they really did sell cookies—with celebrities handing over hundreds for boxes of Thin Mints....

Girls High School Basketball Game Ends 108-1

If there’s one thing you can always rely on high school sports to provide, it’s hilarious box scores. Today’s gift comes to us from a girls basketball game in Cleveland, Ohio, between Gilmour High and Northeast Ohio College Prep....

It Looks Like The 49ers Kicked Out The Girl Scouts For A Beyoncé Concert

Earlier this week, the San Francisco 49ers cancelled a planned sleepover at Levi’s Stadium for the top cookie sellers from Girl Scout troops around Northern California. As a reward for selling the most cookies, the scouts were going to spend the night of May 14 eating pizza and watching a movie on t...

The NFL Can't Stop Pandering At Women 

The video starts out simply enough, with a stereotypical pseudo-military march followed by a booming voice announcing “Patriots Today!” and a quick announcement from a corporate sponsor. But this report from the New England Patriots soon takes a turn. There are no highlights of tackles, catches, or ...

49ers Nix Girl Scouts Stadium Sleepover In Favor Of A More Profitable Event [Update]

The San Francisco 49ers had an agreement with Girl Scout troops around Northern California: The girls who sold the most cookies would get to visit the team’s stadium in May, meet cheerleaders, and enjoy pizza and movies on the field. This week, the team reneged on the deal....

<i>The Danish Girl</i> Makes Transgender Issues Safe For The Oscar Crowd

Of all the adjectives to describe a movie, “well-intentioned” is among the least scintillating and most wearying. It’s why a lot of people have an aversion to so-called Oscar-bait— they’re the kind of films that pop up around award season to address important subjects in a respectful way, with the h...

<i>The Final Girls </i>Is The Nadir Of Meta-Horror, Which Is The Nadir Of Real Horror

If you’re a horror fan, you’ve noticed that every few months, there’s a new entry in the genre that’s explicitly marketed to non-fans, with blogs and critics hyping “your new favorite horror film” and granting best-since-whatever status to a certain kind of movie. Think titles like Tucker & Dale vs....

<i>Purity </i>Went To Communist East Germany And Found Itself

We’ll move further along in Purity in just a moment. First, I want to relay the story of what happened the first time I opened the book up after the last dispatch, in which I discussed how much truer and more knowledgeably written Jonathan Franzen’s one-paragraph description of Santa Cruz’s weather ...

I Found <i>Purity</i>'s First Honest Paragraph, On Page 66

When last we met, Jonathan Franzen had mucked up the early pages of his novel Purity with repeated appraisals of the sex appeal of his main character, Pip. I was creeped out, but leaving room for the possibility that Franzen might be up to something that would redeem—or at least make some sense of—a...