it Page 1648 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The (Bleep) Pot Is Boiling Over In Kansas City. (Bleep)
Speaking just for myself, I think it's refreshing that we have a profanity-laced, post-game tirade by someone named Guillen whose first name is not Ozzie. Meet José Guillen, the Royals outfielder who lit into teammates on Wednesday following their 9-8, 10-inning loss to the Twins, which ran Kansas C...
Mellon Arena: The Final Frontier
The NHL Closer is written by the five Star Trek: The Next Generation enthusiasts from Melt Your Face Off. When not attending conventions, they can be found in their makeshift Holodeck, where they practice putting the moves on a virtual Counselor Troi. Set your phasers to stun, Deadspinners, because ...
Ray Allen Reunites With Jump Shot, Celtics Win
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who says you should never let friends drink and drive. Or go home with an ugly chick. Unless he has a really great personality. When he's not giving bad advice, he can be found doing the thing at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
To Watch Tonight
Jesus is guest-hosting Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader this week! ... • MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers at Chicago Cubs (8 p.m., ET). I plan to switch back and forth between the two broadcasts on every pitch. [ESPN2 and WGN] • NBA: Eastern Conference finals, Game 5, Detroit at Boston (8:30 p.m., ET). B...
NBA Playoffs: Celtics-Pistons, Game 5
Basketbawful has pulled out some 20-sided dice, a bag of chicken gizzards, and the Skull of Destiny to give you the inside skinny on tonight's NBA playoff game. (And there's one skinny thing that had better not be at the game...)...
Carlos Guillen Would Like To Borrow Your Cooling Ointment And A Large Cushion
Anyone who's ever had the misfortune of being stricken with a dreaded hemorrhoid flare-up can attest to how painful it is. When it first appears, the general swamp ass-y, hiney spider feeling reaches about a "5" on the uncomforability scale. But the longer it lingers, it quickly shoots up to about a...
Welcoming The Pill In A Leathery Embrace ... No!
Slate's Robert Weintraub, like many of us, loves the old purple prose of early 1900s sportswriting, the Grantland Rices, the men who painted epic tales of warriors, grizzled combatants and lardywarks too manly to wear gloves. In an occasional series, Weintraub writes about the week's best baseball g...
Kristen Bell Would Do Naughty Things To Chris Osgood
I've had that dream again: Elle Bishop from the TV show Heroes is taking a sponge bath in the Stanley Cup. What does it mean? Actually, it's based in truth: Actress Kristen Bell is a big fan of the Detroit Red Wings — specifically of Chris Osgood — and would also like to get some time alone with the...
Media Approval Ratings: Keith Olbermann
Yes, yes, we know: Keith Olbermann isn't exactly a "sports" personality anymore. (Though he's still breaking sports news from time to time.) But Olbermann not only still does plenty of sports — it just doesn't seem like it right now, because the NFL's in the offseason and the politics world, most de...
Washington Little Leaguers Don't High-Five Like You And I Do
I used to wonder about the Washington State Little League motto: "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Nothing about honesty and fair play? But now it makes perfect sense. And I used to think that the post-game handshake line wasn't worth recording ......
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Oye Como Va! Twice The Santana Means Twice The Fun
Please do not confuse Johan Alexander Santana Araque, pitcher for the Mets, with Ervin Ramon Santana, pitcher for the Angels. One is from Venezuela (chief exports: Petroleum, bauxite and aluminum) and one is from the Dominican Republic (predominant religion: Roman Catholicism). Unfortunately, we ar...
We Must All Protect Alfonso Soriano's Feelings
You know the Cubs are competitors this year because their fans are getting ornery. And the target of their orneriness has been Alfonso Soriano, who plays left field as if he's crossing ice with eels as slippers. But the Cubs organization has had just about enough of fans' darned negativity....
Vince Young Talks About His Rebound From NFL Joylessness
Well, Vince Young is having himself an active offseason so far. First, he had to explain himself and apologize for that shirtless night out with his Texas cronies and, now, he's admitting that the pressures of the NFL almost drove him to retire after his first season....
Heavyweight Champ Out To Terrify Erudite British Comedians
The man pictured here is Wladimir Klitschko. It is telling that you might know who he is; he's the IBF, WBO and IBO world heavyweight champion, which isn't nearly as cool as it was 15 years ago. But still: The job of the heavyweight champion of the world is to be the "scariest man on earth," and mak...
The Stanley Cup Finals Mule Variations
The NHL Closer is written by five octopi from Melt Your Face Off. When Al Sobotka isn't twirling us over his head, we're served with pickled ginger, green onion and mayonnaise in takoyaki. Raskolnikov emptied his ink sacs to write a recap of last night's action....
McDyess Listens To Voices In Head, Kills Celtics
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who was in no way, shape or form ready for a playoff explosion from McDyess. But hey, nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition, right? When he's not puzzling until his puzzler is sore, he can be found eating a burrito as big as his head at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while remodeling Bubble Man's dorm room... • 5 p.m. — NASCAR: Coca-Cola 600, Concord, North Carolina. In a blind race test, what's more exciting: this race or the Pepsi 400? [FOX] • 7 p.m. — NCAA softball: Georgia at UCLA. There's no crying in softball, but there's no by-laws applicabl...
Pistons Lose Despite Home Court, Insane Fans
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's hoping that Spring will eventually come to Chicago. Not that 40-degree weather isn't fun...in, like, December. When he's not hating the hell out of the Midwestern weather, he can be found doing a sunshine dance at Basketbawful. Enjoy! There's no place...
Careful, It's Slippery
This angle, for which I am ever thankful the morning after, is not the greatest; CBC's camera had a better view, combined with two men sitting on the ice a couple feet away wearing Red Wings apparel, laughing their octopi-molesting asses off. At first I thought those two seedy Michiganders had somet...