it Page 1676 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Very Unmanly Night Of Boxing
At Madison Square Garden tonight, Muhammad Ali will be in the house, and the IBF heavyweight title is on the line. There was a time when that would've meant something. Tonight, however, Muhammad's only there to support his daughter, and the guy who's challenging for the world heavyweight title would...
Football Game Delays Vote Counting; You'll Never Guess Where
No more than 3,500 votes separate U.S. Rep Deborah Pryce and her democratic challenger, Mary Jo Killroy in the Ohio congressional race. There are still 18,000 absentee and provisional ballots to be counted. You'd think they might want to count those as soon as possible ... but they're not....
Own Pac-Man's Car!
As anyone who has dealt with the difficult nature of car salesmen, you sometimes just don't know whom to trust. Fortunately, there's one place you know you can find a good deal on all your automobile needs: Buying cars that were once owned by troubled NFL players and have now been repossessed and ...
Five Tiny Tidbits On: The Atlantic Coast Conference
Thought we were done previewing things? How could you think that, with your NCAA Basketball Tournament office pool a mere five months away? You've got to start studying now if you want to crush all who laughed at your picks last year. So who's with me? Let's Gooo! Please send contributions to tips...
Blasted Apart, With Just A Hint Of Juniper
Ladies and gentlepersons, we proudly introduce you to SeasonShot. What is it? It's a shotgun that saved you the trouble of having to spice your meat! You can blast a bird out of the air and lightly pepper it with coriander at the same time! We'll let the inventors describe it:...
Five Tiny Tidbits On: The Big Ten Conference
Thought we were done previewing things? How could you think that, with your NCAA Basketball Tournament office pool a mere five months away? You've got to start studying now if you want to finally get some respect. So who's with me? Let's Gooo! Please send contributions to [email protected]....
The Return Of Ned
A profile in courage from Florida International University: Running back A'Mod Ned, the injured Panther who heroically joined the fray of the infamous Miami-FIU brawl from a month or so ago despite, you know, being on crutches, is expected to return to practice this week and could be able to retur...
Five Tiny Tidbits On: The Big 12 Conference
Thought we were done previewing things? How could you think that, with your NCAA Basketball Tournament office pool a mere five months away? You've got to start studying now if you want to avoid eternal shame. So who's with me? Let's Gooo! (Please send contributions to )....
An Excuse To Break Out Our Ditka Wine!
If an alien race ever decided to attack us, we know of one sure-fire way to hold off the destruction. Just send this ad into space. It's sure to render potential invaders hopelessly befuddled, so that they veer off toward a stable planet, like Saturn. Heck, we live here, and we're frightened by this...
Forget Your Race; We Need A Pulitzer Shot
We had an excellent front-row seat for the New York City Marathon on Sunday, where we saw Lance Armstrong surrounded by photographers and a bunch of pace-setting rabbits (which is supposedly against the rules, but whatever), a few people in wacky costumes and, sadly, no one with bleeding nipples. We...
Unpretentious, With Just A Hint Of Laundry Hamper
Strawberries, cherries and and angel's kiss in spring ... this Ditka wine is really made from all these things ......
Pointing Out The Idiocy Of A New Rule
A truly outstanding find from The Wizard Of Odds: Apparently, during the Joe Paterno broken leg game between Penn State and Wisconsin — JoePa's return has been pretty amazing, by the way; the guy's coaching this week — Badgers coach Bret Bielema either discovered a loophole in the controversial new ...
Lonnie Smith Wanted To Shoot John Schuerholz
We had heard that Lonnie Smith, the former Cardinals and Braves outfielder whose frenetic baserunning was almost as breathtaking as watching him try to play defense (Bill James once pointed out that Smith "really does fall down almost every game), had battled some drug problems back in the late '80s...
Sometimes, The Gatorade Bottle Is Just Too Far Away
We're posting this just to be obnoxious, and we will not pretend otherwise: During Nebraska's 34-20 victory over Missouri, Tigers quarterback Chase Daniel discovers a way to replenish proteins burned through on the field of battle....
Thinking Good Thoughts For JoePa
If you haven't seen the "highlight" yet, here's video of Joe Paterno's broken leg accident on Saturday. We are extremely fond of Paterno — we always find him lovable; we want him to read us a story or something — and hope he has a speedy recovery, or as speedy a recovery that a 79-year-old man can h...
Today In The Premiership...
Today feels like a fine day to celebrate the legacy of Sir Alex Ferguson. As of Monday, he will have been Manchester United's manager for 20 years, and Guardian Unlimited has this list of his best all-time quotes. I'll be honest, in half of them, I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but I ...
ESPNU May Have An Opening For This Guy
Before the Hugh Johnson madness gets underway in a bit, I thought we could go back to last week and revisit a couple of themes from last week: Temple's win over Bowling Green, and inappropriate things said by people in the media. Both are covered by this fellow (at about the 50-second mark, but if y...
Rid Yourself Of Those "Cliffhangers"
It's time once again to ask the musical question: "Is that an extra large steel rescue pulley in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?" According to the Chicago Tribune, altitude sickness can be avoided by taking a large dose of sildenafil (better know as Viagra) with you on those strenuous...
Please, Sir, Keep The Gutteral Utterances To Yourself
This is Al Argibay, and he has a goatee and, we presume, walks around making this arm motion all day. And he's pissed, because he was just thrown out of his gym for grunting too loud....
No More Vroom Vroom For Big Ben
So the Steelers are falling apart right now, losing to the freaking Raiders last week, and at the center of all of it is quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has had an awfully busy few months for a guy who didn't play all that well in the Super Bowl. Concussions, emergency surgery, road mishaps ... ...