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This Is What The Ravens Drafted Lamar Jackson For
At some point in the third quarter of Ravens-Seahawks, something snapped inside of Lamar Jackson. The offense he was running hadn’t gotten a whole lot going, only settling for field goals, and his team was only tied with Seattle because of a Marcus Peters pick-six. Yet there Jackson was, having driv...

Andy Dalton Finds New, Miserable Low With Three Picks In Five Plays
The piece of shit Bengals got pantsed at home today by Gardner Minshew and the Jaguars, coughing up a narrow, early fourth-quarter lead and allowing Jacksonville to coast to a double-digit win. They are now 0-7. Nobody went to the game. Joe Mixon had 10 rushes for two yards, and non-QB rushers combi...

Here's Another Reason To Hate Baseball's De-Juiced Baseballs
The defining image of the Yankees’ Game 5 win over the Astros on Friday happened with two outs in the top of the sixth inning. Having just struck out Yordan Álvarez after walking Carlos Correa, Aaron Boone slowly came out of the dugout to have a talk with his starter. While it’s not clear what the e...

WWE Is Banking On Crossover Athletes To Carry Its Next Creepy Saudi Show
When WWE signed a deal with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia last year, only the basics of the pact with the Gulf dictatorship were clear—biannual shows, in the kingdom, in exchange for a massive payday. Everything beyond that was difficult to imagine at the time, and became more and more difficult to ju...

Claressa Shields's Brother Charged With Assaulting Ivana Habazin's Trainer
Claressa Shields’s older brother was the man behind the assault that forced promoters to cancel a fight between the former Olympic champion and Ivana Habazin, Genesee County Prosecutor David Leyton announced Wednesday. Artis Jaquel Mack, Shields’s 28-year-old brother, was charged with one count of a...

Any Interest In Watching This LeBron James No-Look Pass On Loop Every Second Of Every Day Until You Die?
This year’s Golden State Warriors roster is fairly unrecognizable. That is true in the sense that the team is different from last year’s, but mostly in the sense that the average basketball fan will recognize very few people on it. Juan Toscano-Anderson? Is that someone you know? Ah well, all the ea...

The USMNT Is An Absolute Joke, And It's All U.S. Soccer's Fault
There’s a good chance that a significant number of people reading this article weren’t even alive the last time Canada beat the United States in soccer, on April 2, 1985. Thirty-four years later, and almost exactly two years since the atrocity in Couva, the USMNT has once again fallen to our neighbo...

LeBron James, One Day After Tossing Daryl Morey Under A Bus: "I Won't Talk About It Again"
LeBron James finally spoke on Monday about the outsized controversy surrounding Daryl Morey’s deleted tweet supporting pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong. LeBron’s position was weak and transparently cynical, and he took a justified beating for sharing it, and ultimately spent part of his Monday ...

Jalen Ramsey Gets His Wish, Is Traded To The Rams
About a month after his trade request, and after three weeks of not suiting up for the Jaguars, cornerback Jalen Ramsey has been traded out of Jacksonville and sent to Los Angeles. Though not that long ago it looked like the Jaguars were going to ignore Ramsey’s wishes, he’ll go play for a .500 Rams...

LeBron Made His Choice, And He Chose LeBron
For whatever his faults may be (not being on your favorite team, hubris, brazenly studying the room without trying to hide it, etc.), LeBron James has consistently been a voice of progressive reason, but he has also been relentlessly acquisitive. Thus, no one ought to be nearly so surprised, shocked...

Enes Kanter Appears To Take Shot At LeBron James's China Comments, Says "Freedom Is Not Free"
On the most generous possible read, the NBA-China news cycle has revealed just how little players and coaches have ever considered the ethical stakes of doing business with an authoritarian state. The more cynical read is that they understand these stakes well enough but have decided there’s way to...

LeBron James Finally Takes Question About China, Responds By Licking The Boot
LeBron James has been silent on the matter of China throwing a massive temper tantrum over Rockets general manager Daryl Morey tweeting and deleting a limp slogan in support of pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong. With the NBA spasming and losing bowel control around him, the world’s most visible ...

Jason Garrett's In Trouble Again
The Cowboys looked like world-beaters when they started 3-0—but against three of the worst teams in the league, the Giants, Washington, and Miami. Dallas then looked lost in two straight losses—but to good teams, New Orleans and Green Bay. So far, so predictable, at least for a middling team, which ...

Lamar Jackson Etches His Name In History Alongside The Great Tobin Rote
As purveyors of the Gospel of Lamar Jackson, it is our solemn duty to inform the public whenever the Ravens quarterback elevates himself onto another level of football history. In a 23-17 win over the Bengals on Sunday, the lad did just that by becoming only the fourth-ever quarterback to rush for a...

The Turnover King Has Returned
Jameis Winston is back, folks. After four straight games of relatively competent quarterbacking, Winston displayed a strong return to form in London against the Panthers on Sunday. He finished the game completing 30 of his 54 throws and 400 yards, but with five interceptions and a fumble....

Penn State Confiscates Players' Shirts Supporting Teammate Jonathan Sutherland
During their pregame warmups, Penn State football players wore shirts in that supported teammate Jonathan Sutherland, who received a letter from an old white couple that chided him for his shoulder-length dreadlocks. The shirts played off of the team’s rallying cry and read “Chains, Tattoos, Dreads,...

Rodrigo Blankenship's Missed Field Goal Was The Anticlimactic Ending South Carolina-Georgia Deserved
In a game that could not have gone anymore haywire if it tried, South Carolina-Georgia still found a way to end in a rather anticlimactic, though still totally unexpected, way: a missed field goal from the usually reliable Rodrigo Blankenship....

Padres Pitcher Jacob Nix Kicked, Tased After Trying To Break Into Home Through Doggie Door
Padres pitcher Jacob Nix was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing after he allegedly tried to break into a home in Peoria, Arizona early Sunday morning using the doggie door, according to ABC15. Teammate Thomas Cosgrove was also arrested, but was reportedly not charged with anything....

Rockets Flack Tells Reporter To Stick To Sports After She Asks Players About Political Expression
Russell Westbrook and James Harden each dropped 22 points in the Rockets’ preseason victory over the Raptors in Saitama, Japan. In the postgame presser, CNN’s Christina Macfarlane asked a question of the two players:...

The Inherent Demeaning Effects Of Global Capital, Bootlicking, Things Of That Nature
In a better world, we’d all probably still work a decent amount. Probably not quite as much and definitely not under conditions that work in a thousand different ways to demean and diminish every human involved at every level, while somehow serving to enrich only the worst of those, but in that bett...