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Cockblocked In The Car Hole! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Tiger's Women Going After Each Other Now
Today, in People Who Should Go Away Who Won't Go Away: The LAPD is investigating a death threat to Joslyn James allegedly sent by Devon James after the two did a porno together. In related news......

If You Wanted Big Ben Traded, You Are A Moron
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

365 Days Of Heartbreak For The Cleveland Fan In Your Life
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Who Wants To See A Hockey Goon Finger An Opponent?
From Monday night, Anaheim's George Parros gives Barret Jackman a couple of loving flicks on the chin. Get a room, boys....

Stories That Don't Suck: The Epic Tale Of America's Greatest Ping-Pong Hustler
Occasionally, we'll select stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that we urge you to read for one reason or another. Today: newly minted Man Booker recipient Howard Jacobson on ping-pong's "boldest adventurer," Marty Reisman....

Hockey Player's Filthy Gesture To Sean Avery Is Pretty Easy To Decipher
James Wisniewski of the Islanders was not a fan of Sean Avery's Sean Averyness during today's Rangers-Islanders game, so he decided to express how Avery was going down in a non-traditional manner. H/T E'erbody who sent a tip....

There's A Jason Whitlock Live Chat Happening In Five Minutes, People
Jason Whitlock is live-chatting at noon about Favre, Sterger, and a host of subjects right now. Do what you do best....

Did An L.A. Police Watchdog Bend Ethical Rules For Jay Mariotti?
The head of the Los Angeles police union has voiced concerns about attorney and LAPD civilian oversight board member Debra Wong Yang's brief representation of Jay Mariotti who, in a no-contest plea deal, saw six misdemeanor counts dropped....

Cigar Guy Isn't As Fun, Photoshoppable When He's Not Wearing The Fake 'Stache
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Angry Readers Defend Brett Favre
When a story of this magnitude touches down, there are inevitably new visitors to the site. Some of them are nice and stay a while. Others just pop by to yell. Here are some emails from those lovely people....

Sources: Two More Women Who Worked With Jets Received Lewd Texts From Favre (UPDATE)
This is about to get worse. It appears Jenn Sterger wasn't the only woman who received unwanted and inappropriate text messages from Brett Favre while he played for the Jets. Favre also pursued two team massage therapists, according to one of the women. [UPDATE: The women have sued.]...

Per Bill James's Pitching Metric, Tim Lincecum Was More Dominant Than Don Larsen, Roy Halladay
Quoth Bill James's Game Score metric, Tim Lincecum (96) was more dominant yesterday than Roy Halladay (94) in his no-hitter or Don Larsen (94) in his perfect game. It's official: two hits are better than none....

So, How Will Brett Favre Do Monday Night?
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Brett Favre's Cellphone Seduction Of Jenn Sterger (Update)
In the video here (parts of which are NSFW due to penis photos at the 2:08 mark), you'll see and hear all the strange messages Jenn Sterger received from someone she was led to believe was Brett Favre. [Final update here.]...

10 Or So Minutes Until Dong Time
Apologies for the delay. For the record, I believe the "Croc" may actually be a slipper, one of those buckskin jobs. There also appears to be a sports hernia....

Did A Jets PR Person Act As Liaison Between Brett Favre And Jenn Sterger?
Remember this? According to documents we've obtained, Jenn Sterger was contacted by Brett Favre — or by someone she was led to believe was Brett Favre — through an intermediary: Jets media relations manager Jared Winley....

How A Bill Simmons Tweet Ended Up With Randy Moss Being Traded
Fear not. I'm not here to do any tiresome Simmons bashing. I'm just here to recap the rather zany events that led up to Randy Moss getting traded....

Studies Show Legs Aren't Supposed To Bend That Way
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Official Jewish Response To The James Shields Conspiracy Theory
A nice lady called a Tampa sports talk radio show and argued that Shields is starting game 2 only because he's Jewish, and the Rays' Jewish ownership made it happen. Shields isn't actually Jewish, but never mind that....