ja Page 634 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Why Your Team Sucks: Chicago Bears
Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Why Do Japanese People Squint?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has a theory. Something to do with the sun always being in their eyes? That's why its on the flag right?...

Kansas State Blogger Knows A Lot About Hating Kansas State
The Wichita Eagle hired a new writer to obsessively blog about Kansas State athletics. Unfortunately, some Wildcat fans have a problem with the fact that he's actually a Kansas grad. But at least he has experience badmouthing Manhattan!...

Miniature Spring-Loaded Doll Is Jason Giambi's Only Legacy
Hey Oakland fans. Don't forget that tonight is Jason Giambi bobblehead night. You remember him, right? The guy your team unceremoniously cut two weeks ago?...

Kareem Lobbies For A Head Coaching Job, In 140 Characters Or Less
Oft-overlooked Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is using Twitter to campaign for a head-coaching job in a league that let Tim Floyd lose 231 games: "[M]aybe a groundswell of support from my fans could open a door for me!" [Twitter, via TrueHoop]...

Lou Piniella Doesn't Live By Your Namby-Pamby "Laws"
After White Sox GM Kenny Williams was ticketed and fined for jaywalking last week, Sweet Lou gets off with just a warning. Racism? Or just an affinity for the senior circuit? [Chicago Tribune]...

The Wit And Wisdom Of James Coley
James Coley is Florida State's tight ends coach and recruiting coordinator, not to mention a prolific Twitterer whose prose style evokes both Cobra Commander and a fortune cookie that wants to kill you. Can u FEEL it?...

Why Your Team Sucks: New Orleans Saints
Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Major Leaguer Says What We're All Thinking, Likely To Be Fined For It
Jack Cust: "It's kind of funny they spent all that money on the Mitchell Report and a bunch of hearsay and the guy who made all the money off it happened to work for the Red Sox." [AP]...

Man Asserts Dominion Over Nature, Hits Horse With Rally Car
Here's a photo of an Argentine rally driver running into a herd of wild horses somewhere in the Patagonian hills. One of them had to be put down. This is basically a metaphor for the industrial revolution....

USC's Trophy Department Drops The Ball
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Why Your Team Sucks: Carolina Panthers
Some people are fans of the Carolina Panthers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Carolina Panthers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

The Zen Master Gets His Kicks
Introducing Adidas' Phil Jackson Artillery shoe. Wear these, kids, and maybe you too will one day sit your serene ass on the bench while the greatest players in league history win you championship after championship! [OC Register, via Slam]...

Michael Phelps Involved In Car Crash
Don't worry, the sea god was uninjured when his Escalade plowed into another car in downtown Baltimore. But let's not forget he's already on probation for a DUI...[WJZ]...

Now For Jason Whitlock's Thoughts On Rick Pitino
Topics discussed: Pussy Galore, Strange Tang, Pitino, Josh Hamilton, Reggie Miller, Monica Lewinsky, Obama and Hillary doin' it. There's something for everyone: rampant misogyny and gay-baiting! This column makes every sportswriter in America look like Betty Friedan in comparison. [FoxSports]...

10-Year-Old Hero Closes Door On Jay Cutler Era
Ah, the wisdom of children! It was bad enough when Cutler whined and cried his way to a trade to Chicago, but he crossed another line this week by proclaiming Denver fans to be less than passionate boosters....

Pittsburgh Steelers Love Their Illegal Gun-Shooting Parties (UPDATED)
Hackles have been raised by photos of a shooting event where civilians, including members of the Pittsburgh Steelers, are seen goofing off with possibly illegal weapons—all courtesy of the Pennsylvania State Police. Hey, gun safety is for Seahawks....

Slapfight!
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....