ja Page 649 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Are You Offended By ESPN?
That's the question posed by MarketWatch columnist Jon Friedman, who gives the WWL a thorough Bissingering based on the recent "lowbrow or boorish behavior" of some of ESPN's talent. Specifically, the incidents involving Jemele Hill, Dana Jacobson, and Bonnie Bernstein, respectively. Friedman's piec...
American Mustache Institute Backs Giambi
In a stunning coup for the Giambi All-Star Campaign the AMI has taken a break from their mission statement of "Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache," to endorse the Yankees slugger....
Let's Start Guessing Where LeBron Will Play In Two Years
The summer of 2010. That's when LeBron James will shun Northeast Ohio, get a plane ticket, head to New York City, play basketball, and win a championship with either the Knicks, the Nets, or an amalgamation of the relocated Memphis Grizzlies and Los Angeles Clippers, the Long Island Clizzers....
Ron Jaworski: Yes, I Know I Look Like An Old Lesbian
Former Philadelphia Eagles' quarterback and current Monday Night Football analyst, Ron Jaworski, is well aware that he's not winning any "Most Masculine Bifocals" awards anytime soon. In fact, he promises that the specs he'll don this year won't have so many people confusing him with Sally Jesse Ra...
Jack Kent Cooke's Daughter Has Lots Of Moxie, Little Class
The daughter of former Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke is a feisty little lassie named Jacqueline Kent Cooke and, like most millionaire heiresses, she seems to have a problem with authority and a staggering sense of entitlement. That would explain why she sued the executors of her beloved dead fat...
Jelena Jankovic Not Doing Any Splits After Today's Performance
Not a good week for highly-ranked Serbian women, as third-ranked superstar Jelena Jankovic went down in the fourth round this morning at Wimbledon. Jankovic, known for her salty toughness and her love of Lita Ford's wardrobe, was bounced by the 60th ranked player in early morning action....
Manny Ramirez Is Passionate About Free Tickets
I've seen The Amityville Horror enough times to know that something supernatural must be going in Houston's Minute Maid Park. First Shawn Chacon snaps and tackles Astros' GM Ed Wade in the home clubhouse, where an attempted strangling may or may not have occurred. Chacon was shipped to the North Pol...
Jason Giambi Has Become A '70s Porn King
Jason Giambi has dyed his mustache. That made this happen. Heavens to Betsy....
J.P. Ricciardi Meets The Jerky Boys
OK, so, to bring you up to date:...
The Fantasy Impact Of Steven Jackson's Cleansed Colon
During yesterday's story about Rams running back Steven Jackson and his messy colon cleanse, I questioned the potential fantasy football impact such a procedure would have on the top five running back. Thankfully, some of the wise men from Yahoo!'s Fantasy Football think tank decided it was worthy ...
One Of Javon Walker's Mystery Assailants Arrested
The puzzling kidnapping and subsequent knock-da-fuh-out-ing of Raiders' receiver Javon Walker has finally resulted in an arrest. Las Vegas police have arrested and charged 30-year-old Arfat Fadel and charged him with kidnapping, robbery and other felonies....
Steven Jackson Gives Colonics A Big 'Thumbs Up '
The St. Louis Rams' Steven Jackson was a colossal bust last season for many fantasy football owners, but he will apparently try anything to not be such a stiff this year. This includes agreeing, per his girlfriend's recommendation, to have a colonic in order to "clean his system out." Not only was...
Jay Mariotti Needs Protection From That Inquisitive Rick Telander
An update on the Jay Mariotti incident we referenced earlier this morning. An eyewitness source files the following report:...
The Jay Mariotti Chronicles Continue
You know, we apologize: We just can't help ourselves from making Jay Mariotti more famous. The Cubs' domination of the White Sox this weekend led to a full Paul Sullivan roundup in the Chicago Tribune, and it includes that great newspaper staple: The blind item!...
C.C. Is Not A Singles Hitter
After a rough start to the season Cleveland's C.C. Sabathia has found his groove on the mound, and now at the plate as well. The rotund power pitcher didn't like his teammates calling him a singles hitter after last year's round of interleague play, so he stepped into the box in his first at bat of ...
Jay Mariotti: Still In Dire Need Of A Serious Pounding
Chicago Sun-Times columnist, hockey-haired yakkity-yak, and out-and-out dickface, Jay Mariotti, recently signed a three-year extension at his paper, but it seems like at the end of that contract, he may very well be the only one left writing for the sports section....
Javon Walker's Las Vegas Bludgeoning Won't Result In Any Missed Time
Although the details of what in Wayne Newton happened to Raiders' receiver Javon Walker early Monday morning are still being investigated, he has been released from the hospital and it appears the orbital smashing he received won't , according to Raiders' coach Lane Kiffin, keep him out of training...
Javon Walker Speaks Cryptically, Nonsensically About His Violent Night In Vegas
Okay, this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but it is "a statement" from Javon Walker about what he says happened during his infamous champagne-spraying night in Vegas. And which lucky media outlet gets the first quote from Walker? TheDirty.com, of course. Here's what Javon told the venerable +...
Javon Walker's Reckless Champagne Spraying Habits May Have Led To His Cold-Cocking, Some Say
TMZ is now running photos of Walker seemingly in the middle of his $15,000 champagne splashdown party, and the site also suggests that he may have doused the wrong patron with his pink bubbly, which, as we all know, is an offense that may result in an overnight hospital stay with an orbital fracture...