Tonight’s the night. Despite the crushing problems facing the Rio Olympics, the Games are finally kicking off tonight (sort of). We’ll be liveblogging the televised Opening Ceremony here. Clearly moved by the Olympic spirit of cooperation, our friends from Jezebel are joining us! Let’s do this.

This is a nice little story about some great undone business of Deadspin, and an allegory about male delusions of competence.

At 12:56 p.m. today, an email appeared in my inbox. I could not make heads or tails of it, but resolved to be a “team player” and figure it out without anyone’s help, including Google.

A gentleman named Chase emailed in to Jezspin Day because he REALLY wants to know what us ladyfolk think of the new short shorts that basketball men are sporting these days. Chase, this sports blog is for you.

It’s time to crash Deadspin’s ongoing series surveying the awful shows you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours to watch reruns of The Americans.

I feel like I learned a lot today. You? Want to talk about it?

Here’s a bear you know!

On April 1, in the Year of Our Lord 2016, a man finally achieved adequacy. We gave him a trophy, and surprise-interviewed him about this historic achievement.

I love watching sports live, but I also love to relive the magic of a great play or a brutal block over and over again.

I have a lot of respect for people’s sexual preferences and mostly think they’re not to be questioned so long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. That being said, I’m pretty sure most of you straight dudes would have sex with The Rock, even if publicly you say that you wouldn’t.

Lebron has been out of his element in his present situation, it’s safe to say, and sources say he needs to find a new home.

The Bachelor franchise is successful because viewers experience a light but undeniable catharsis from watching other people humiliate themselves.

In an embarrassing lack of judgement, Turner Broadcasting announced it’d be replacing Luther Vandross’ iconic version of “One Shining Moment” as their NCAA theme song last week. But once the all important Auntie and smooth R&B contingent weighed in, TBS realized their grave mistake.

Look, I know we picked the new uniforms already. But I’ve been giving the matter a lot of thought for the last decade or so, and I’ve got some thoughts, and now I’ve got a forum, and I think I deserve a hearing!

A man smashed some pads last night, or— as is apparently another way to say this—“blasted some mitts.”