john Page 216 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gus Johnson Hits The Pause Button
This is from a while back, but I feel it buttresses (pause) my claim that Gus Johnson should be paired with Dick Vitale. Sure, they're on different networks and their collective screaming would surely destroy us all. But at least the next time Dickie V. starts a massive Dook fellatefest, there'll be...
John Wooden Falls, Will Get Up Soon
Okay, who left the Pyramid of Success out in the middle of the den for everyone to trip over? C'mon, one of you better fess up to this. Because now John Wooden took a pretty bad spill thanks to your irresponsibility....
FAMU + Athletics = Crazy
So this probably needs to be addressed: Florida A&M freshman quarterback Michael Johnson was arrested today after he admitted that he lied about being attacked at gunpoint in his dorm room. And no one is sure why he did it....
Sean Salisbury, Moving On Down That Road, Man
To the casual ESPN viewer, it must have seemed confusing that Sean Salisbury, the former Vikings quarterback who once actually sported a fade, would be one of the most prominent NFL analysts on the world's biggest sports media enterprise. Sean Salisbury? That guy? Really?...
Media Approval Ratings: Gus Johnson
For some reason, we tend to forgive Gus Johnson for sins we'd find unforgivable in other broadcasters. He's high histrionics, high volume, high intensity, high volume, high pitch, all of it. He's 95 percent bluster. Of course, this is why we love him....
V-Day Plans Of The "Stars"
We don't mean to harp on John Rocker lately; as we've said, we legitimately like the guy. We think it's probably because we've been impersonating him so much on this book tour. He has gotten in our head. We aren't quite ready to admit that we were wondering what he and the lovely Alicia Marie were u...
John Rocker Wants To Set The Record Straight
With all this other steroid business going on today, we feel obliged to point out that John Rocker is not going to just be ignored. He's hoppin' mad about the "irresponsible dolts of the media."...
Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks
Bad news for all those who actually watch the opening and closing ceremonies at the Summer Olympics; Steven Spielberg has dropped out as director at the Beijing Games. Or actually he was going to be the "artistic adviser," whatever that means. All I know is that now my dream of watching Dennis Weave...
John Rocker Destroys Everything You Thought You Knew About Steroids
It will come as a shock, a shock, we tell you, to learn that our friend John Rocker was on steroids. Throughout this book tour, we've been impersonating Rocker at every stop, and we need steroids just to get into character....
Larry Johnson Can Dramatically Increase Your Salary
The Sporting News' Chris Mottram was roaming around Radio Row at the Super Bowl Media Center yesterday — at the Super Bowl, everything gets capital letters — and came across the Chiefs' Larry Johnson. He was wearing a nice watch....
Chad Johnson Might Want To Play For The Redskins
The Bengals are adamant: They're not trading Chad Johnson. But it appears Chad Johnson has a differing view....
Gus Johnson "Loves The Internet"
Big ups to Awful Announcing, which, after considerable negotiation, landed an interview with everyone's favorite screaming announcer Gus Johnson. He seems like a friendly enough fellow....
Is Tennis Mobbed Up?
We should have seen it coming: It seems that the Russian Mafia may have infiltrated pro tennis (this surprises me: I would have guessed chess). But don't worry, sports fans; we have our best man on the case. John McEnroe. The former American great points to questions surrounding tennis stars such as...
Time For More Fun And Games With ESPN Memos
After the infamous ESPN Memo from this summer, the folks at ESPN wised up and stopped widely distributing their interoffice "Town Meeting" emails. It appears, however, they have gotten lazy: We have another one....
In A Way, Aren't We All John Maine?
For years, we have been plagued by the scourge of John Maine impersonators. We have fallen prey to this ourselves; heck, just more than a month ago, we thought Maine had shown up at our door, asking not for a dress, but for candy. One would think we would have learned to have been more skeptical....
John Maine Loves The Little Black Dress
If we know anything about baseball players, we know that they love to dress up in women's clothing. This is a verifiable fact, as true as the nose on your face and the whet of your whistle. Witness Exhibit 2732-A, Mets pitcher John Maine....
I Hope Hugh Had The Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance)
The game to watch right now is Virginia Tech and Boston College, tied at 16-16. Earlier, Central Florida pulled away from Tulsa and won 44-23, and UCF tailback Kevin Smith is close to breaking the single-season rushing record set by Barry Sanders. Navy's water invasion of Army proves successful for ...
Reports Indicate Les Miles Reports Contradict Other Les Miles Reports - A Special Report
There was a really cool fake punt in the Tulsa-UCF game, because Tulsa's quarterback was lined up at punter. Obvious fake, right? Well, he's actually averaging 40 yards a punt, which is better than their main punter. He also installed the goalposts before the game, and sometimes mans the down marker...