john Page 222 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Selig Won't Watch, But We'll Have To
Well, if that whole Barry Bonds Won't Play On ESPN thing turns out to be based in reality, we're all in luck; Bonds is never going to break Hank Aaron's record. Because everyone of his at-bats is gonna be on The Worldwide Leader until, well, until he breaks it, or dies. So, you know, enjoy....
Your Baby Will Cough And You Will Like It
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted earlier this week was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo....
ESPN Employees Need Their Cash NOW
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted yesterday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo each...
A Tree Grows In Bristol
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted on Tuesday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo eac...
ESPN Would Rather Not Use Their Own Phones
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted yesterday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo each...
John Skipper Defines Leadership
We know the big ESPN interoffice complaint memorandum we posted yesterday was enormous and unwieldy, but seriously, folks: It's an absolute treasure trove of gorgeous goodness. So, for the rest of the week, we'll be highlighting two particularly hilarious and illustrative segments from the memo each...
ESPN's Secret Interoffice Complaint Memorandum
Sometimes we forget, in all the frustrations and angst that watching ESPN causes us, that Bristol really is just an office. An office with a cafeteria, a human resources department, water coolers, parking spaces and football analysts who take pictures of their penis. It's like all of our offices. So...
Tank Johnson Is Not Drunk, But Drunk Enough
So, with word coming out that beleaguered Chicago Bear Tank Johnson actually being under the legal limit in his DUI arrest a couple of weeks ago — the one that ultimately forced his release from the Bears — the guy should be out of the woods and all set and good again, right?...
Someone Please Help Lift Up Kruk's Hair
The heroic folks at The Sports Hernia have been documenting the various incarnations of John Kruk's hair this year, from the Barry Melrose to the "perm jailbreak."...
Viva Le Patterson!
After visiting four doctors in four states to cure a problem that could be affecting his livelihood, a man, desperate, decides to head to Canada to receive treatment that the arcane American health care system can't provide for him....
Calvin Johnson Must Be Really, Really Good
...because he has Jon Kitna believing that the Detroit Lions are going to dominate the NFL this year. The same Lions that went 3-13 last year, because of a rookie wide receiver, are going to win 10+ games this year. Mmhmm....
John Smoltz And Chipper Jones Have Beef
Continuing with the Atlanta-Braves-With-Anger-Issues theme, Chipper Jones and John Smoltz appear to be having a little bit of a tiff. Smoltz thinks Jones is milking an injury, and Jones thinks Smoltz is a big meaniehead, and neither one of them will speak directly to the other....
Robots Ride Camels Better Than Children
Like you, we are aware of the upcoming robot apocalypse. Our human emotion is our primary weakness and will lead to our ultimate downfall....
John Amaechi Is Keeping Busy
Anybody wondering what John Amaechi has been up to since his coming out — first as a former NBA player, secondly as a gay man — in his book Man In The Middle for ESPN Books? Anybody? Somebody was, right?...
John Daly Wants To Make It Clear His Wife Beats Him
Someone asked us the other day: "Why do people care so much about John Daly? He never even wins tournaments. He's not that good." The answer to our question was simple: John Daly is the world's only interesting golfer....
John Daly's Wife: 'No Stabby My Hubby'
We knew that there had to be more to this story ... come on, it's John Daly. And he didn't let us down. apparently....
Chad Johnson and Rags to Riches: A Love Story
Let me propose something: The love-child (fine, if you insist: "love-foal") of Chad Johnson and Rags to Riches could be the greatest racing machine in the history of the world....
Chad Johnson: The New Barbaro?
How far has horse racing sunk? Far enough that sport's biggest event of the day isn't at Belmont, but at River Downs in Cincinnati....
About John Daly's Stabby Wife...
We are 24 hours in to the story of John Daly getting stabbed by his wife with a steak knife (seen to the left, without knife). Details are sketchy and not necessarily either accurate or in this order:...
Tank Johnson Would Like To Be The Face Of The NFL
In case you were wondering, being involved in a shooting incident in Vegas — though you didn't fire the weapon and all you really did was hang out with shady people and try to get your money back after a rather ill-advised "making it rain" incident — will earn you a one-year suspension from the NFL....