juvenilia - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nick Kyrgios Got Fined €15,000 For Pretending To Jerk Off With A Water Bottle
Tennis bad boy Nick Kyrgios got caught pleasuring (then drinking?) his water bottle on the sideline during his straight-set loss to Marin Cilic at the Queen’s Club Championships in London on Saturday. The mimed masturbation was a playful little gesture, fairly subtle but also in clear full view of a...
These Minor League Baseball Team Name Nominees Sound Like Bathroom Euphemisms
A minor league baseball team in Amarillo, Texas is selecting a new name among five candidates. Local news outlet Myhighplains.com noted that the choices “all sound like the makings of a popular country song.” Yes, but only if that song were about doing a doo-doo, because that’s what these options ca...
Joe Theismann On The Skins Re-Signing Kirk Cousins: "It Would've Been A Big Nut To Swallow"
Quarterback Kirk Cousins and the Skins had been at a contract impasse for quite some time, but that ended today with Cousins signing with the Vikings for a reported three years and $84 million. Former Washington QB Joe Theismann went on D.C. sports radio to discuss why the team let Cousins walk, and...
NFL Makes Combine Pressers A Less Crappy Experience<em></em>
INDIANAPOLIS — Having Podium 1 framed by indicators for the shitter seemed appropriate and on brand. The NFL has since had a change of heart, however. Deadspin will continue to update this developing story as circumstances are warranted....
NFL Sets Up Combine Pressers In The Most Appropriate Spot
INDIANAPOLIS — Greetings from the bowels of the Indiana Convention Center, where the media sausage is churning its way through the 2018 NFL scouting combine. If you just got here and can’t find the shitter, make your way toward Podium 1, where Colts general manager Chris Ballard (pictured) has wrapp...
Knicks Hot Streak Thanks To "Sharts" Falling
It feels like every time there is a fuck up by, or in the general area of, the Knicks we're forced to admit that that moment is the most Knicks thing ever. Well, the Knicks played last night, so this is the most Knicks thing ever. ...
ESPN Guy Praises Johnny Manziel's "V-I-P-ness" (Say It Out Loud)
College Football Live's Joe Tessitore aroused attention today by stroking Johnny Manziel's total package....
"I Love Boobs" Gets The Approval Of The Carolina Hurricanes Pre-Game Show
We ordinarily try to avoid recognizing personalized jerseys, but we're making an exception just this once because poor Chantel McCabe of Fox Sports Carolinas happened to make that gesture just as that Penguins fan stood in that spot....
Does Jim Gray Drive A Car With A Jim Gray License Plate? Jim Gray Won't Say.
The photo you see here was sent to us two weeks ago by a reader named Dan, who works in Manhattan Beach, Calif. This is the message Dan sent with it:...
Headline On Radio Station Website Unintentionally Links Robert Griffin III, Masturbation, Jay Leno
You can see how this might happen, given everything. Robert Griffin III was on The Tonight Show late last night, and he beatboxed for Jay Leno, because there's nothing RGIII can't do, you see. Washington D.C.'s all-news station had the footage, and they wanted to post it on their website this mornin...
This Photo Of Troy Tulowitzki And The Rockies' Trainer Is Not What It Looks Like
In the eighth inning last night, Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki was standing on the top step of the dugout when he took a foul ball from Dexter Fowler off his left leg. Tulowitzki told the Denver Post the leg went numb and that he thought it might have been broken, but X-rays were negative. Tulow...
College Newspaper Captures Euphoria Of Historic Upset With Headline Alluding To Masturbation
Division II Francis Marion University (S.C.) knocked off defending Division I national champ South Carolina in a baseball game on April 11. FMU's student paper is a weekly, and even though the edition chronicling the big win wasn't published until this week, the upset was still enough to merit front...