kings Page 93 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Nick Johnson Clogs Buster Olney's Bases
Ken Rosenthal thinks the Red Sox will go Gonzo and that Matt Holliday might consider signing with the Orioles because of God. Buster Olney calls Nick Johnson a "base-clogger," which makes me sad. Read on. HOT FUCKING STOVE....

Pitchers Make Everyone Swoon (AND ANGRY!)
Rich Harden signs his life over to Arlington and El Fightins will do the awkward here's-your-jersey presentation with Roy Halladay at 5 p.m. Buster Olney's grinding the Jamey Carroll beat. And why does Buster only follow this dude? HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

And It Appears The Phillies Are Close To Landing Roy Halladay
WHAT? So confused. Three-way trade with Seattle? Cliff Lee to Seattle? Roy Halladay to Phillies? Little people to Toronto? Somebody make some goddamn sense already. [Philly.com]...

Early Game Open Thread: Count The Santa Hats In The Stands
Purple Jesus v. Ocho Jesus; Team Josh v. 16-0, Kellen Clemens v. Raheem Morris' head set; Cutler v. Cold, Who Deys v. The Ryan-Turnerlesses; The Photoshopped Ghosts of Dick Jauron v. The Photoshopped Ghosts of Larry Johnson, etc.#nflforum [NFL.com]...

Sacramento Kings Solve All Their Woes With Dollar Beer Night
The Sacramento NBA team will be appearing on ESPN (national television!) for the first time in two years next week, and they want to make their return extra-super special. How to do that? A packed house of stone cold drunks....

E.J. Henderson's Leg Should Not Bend That Way
In case you missed it, the Vikings' E.J. Henderson took a nasty shot last night....but Al Michaels had no problem breaking out the break talk for the guy with the broken femur. Break. [YouTube, D4L, SSF]...

Just Like A Kids' Book Out There
The Minneapolis Star Tribune is already pimping a book about "American institution" Brett Favre's first season in Minnesota, "the most memorable in the history of the franchise." This seems presumptuous. More breathless prose after the jump. Plus, an important announcement....

Our Nation's Athletes' Traffic Violations Are No Longer Below-The-Fold News
Adrian Peterson was ticketed for doing 109 in a who-cares-how-many mph zone. But a police spokesperson took pains to assure the press that the traffic stop was "very routine." This is the world we live in now. [Pioneer Press]...

The Derek-Jeter-Hits-The-Beach-With-A-Starlet Photos Will Make You Miserable
Our Captain is off on his annual off-season jaunt to a humid location with a young, bikini-clad actress-person whom he will most likely never settle down with and, unfortunately for him, there was a slimy photog in the palm tree....

Whores Are Coming To Dallas
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Brad Childress Is No Elaine Dickinson, That's For Sure
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Why Your Stadium Sucks: Yankee Stadium
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: Yankee Fucking Stadium....

The Best Night Of The Week To Get Piss Drunk
It’s Friday. A glorious weekend of drinking awaits you. You can hardly wait. It’s not five yet, but you yearn to break free of work NOW and drench yourself head to toe in pure Thunderbird....

Like A Kid Out There
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Adrian Peterson's Crotch Welcomes You To New York
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Minnesota Vikings Wide Receiver Bernard Berrian Has A Bit Of A Twitter Controversy Brewing
It appears that Bernard Berrian might have some 'splainin' to do after a photo of a naked woman showering turned up via "TweetPhoto" on his Twitter account....

Forget All Other Tributes: Presenting The Favre Firebird
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

NBA Locker Rooms Terrorized By Giant Rubber Balls
The Sacramento Kings have sent an urgent directive to all NBA teams warning them to be on the lookout for the large exercise ball that brutally attacked and maimed forward Francisco Garcia. It is considered round, squishy and extremely dangerous....

Philly Fans Aren't The Only Ones Who Get Stabby
Lost and forlorn over Monday night's lost to the rival Vikings, one Packer fan took it upon himself to show one loudmouth he couldn't take the heckling anymore. So he stabbed him in the stomach. [StarTribune]...

The Shiancoesaurus Made Another Subtle, Brief Appearance Monday Night
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....