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Santi Cazorla Completes His Resurrection By Earning A Spanish National Team Spot
The last time Santi Cazorla played for the Spanish national team, Donald Trump wasn’t President, Vine still existed, and Real Madrid only had one Champions League this decade. The date was November 14, 2015, and Cazorla had scored against England in a 2-0 friendly win. The wheels almost literally fe...

Antoine Griezmann Announces He Will Leave Atlético Madrid This Summer
Atlético Madrid striker and Fortnite enthusiast Antoine Griezmann has announced today via a video released on Atleti’s Twitter account that he intends leave for pastures new this summer. In the video, Griezmann says he wants new challenges after “five incredible years” in Madrid:...

Diego Godín Was The da Vinci Of The Atlético Madrid Renaissance
On Tuesday, one of the great artists of defensive, shithousing soccer decided to call an end to one of the most remarkable runs of European success in recent memory. Diego Godín, the Goliath in defense and scorer of many a clutch goal, will leave Atlético Madrid at the end of the current season, rep...

Diego Costa Red Carded For Threatening To Poop On Referee's Mother
Luis Suárez and Lionel Messi each scored in Barcelona’s 2-0 win over Atlético Madrid on Saturday to all but mathematically seal the league title, but no one player did more to ensure Barça’s victory than Atleti’s Diego Costa, who got red carded early on in the match for literally talking shit about ...

Lionel Messi's Hat Trick Inspired Opposing Supporters To Give Him A Standing Ovation
Lionel Messi doesn’t have to keep showing his greatness to us mere mortals, but he does so anyway out of the kindness of his heart. His latest act of generosity came against Real Betis where he scored an incredible hat trick in a 4-1 victory for his 477th win in a Barcelona shirt—a new club record....

Zinedine Zidane's Return To Real Madrid Will Be Much Harder This Time
Just days after Real Madrid won their third straight Champions League title last May, Zinedine Zidane, the architect of each of those triumphs, shocked the world by resigning from the manager position. The former Juventus and Real Madrid legend had been installed as the head coach in 2016, after inf...

Real Madrid And Gareth Bale Can't Stand Each Other, But Can Still Find A Happy Ending<em></em><em></em><em></em>
That Gareth Bale scored the decisive goal in Real Madrid’s 2-1 victory over Levante Sunday mattered less than the fact that the perpetually gimpy and presently out-of-favor Welsh star played at all, and it’s less important even than his reaction to his match-winning penalty. Bale scored, as he often...

Sergio Ramos Became The Most Sent-Off Player In La Liga History After (Almost) Kicking A Guy In The Face
Sergio Ramos might have earned himself a week off with his latest act of shithousery. In the final minutes of Real Madrid’s match against Girona, Ramos and Girona’s Pedro Alcalá both went for a ball in the air that Casemiro headed into the middle of the penalty box. Alcalá tried to use his head to m...

At Least Real Madrid's Lost Season Has Given Us The Rise Of Vinícius
At just 18 years old, in his first season in Europe, Brazilian forward Vinícius Júnior has already carved out a significant role for himself in Real Madrid’s squad. His emergence as a valuable and now arguably a critical component of one of the best teams in the world happened way faster than anyone...

Sevilla Fail To Score On Counter-Attack Despite Six-On-One Advantage
In the 65th minute Sevilla’s La Liga match against Levante, the home squad appeared to have an all-but-guaranteed goal. Sevilla took the botched corner kick from their opponents and immediately started on the break towards their goal. Pablo Sarabia, who began the counter, made a quick pass to Wissam...

Barcelona's Bizarre Kevin-Prince Boateng Purchase Actually Makes All The Sense In The World
In 2019's most bizarre transfer move, Barcelona nabbed up Sassuolo’s bulky attacking whirlwind Kevin-Prince Boateng on a loan deal until the end of the season, with a reported $9 million option to buy in the summer. When soccer enthusiasts woke up on Monday, KPB was still a fun curio, a “remember wh...

Let's All Gawk At This Impossible Lionel Messi Pass
Every day, we wake up to face the cruel realities of a world driven to ruin by overconsumption and powerful men’s self-absorbed disregard for the rest of us. We all find ways to overcome the internal crises that come with being alive in 2019, finding solace in moments that make us believe that there...

Real Madrid Is In A Pit of Sadness Right Now
When the ghost of Santi Cazorla is out here scoring braces on you for a team in the relegation zone, maybe your season’s not going so hot. And so, while the rest of the soccer world was watching the Manchester City-Liverpool banger, Real Madrid were busy writing the newest chapter of their disappoin...

Of Course Lionel Messi Has Become A Master Of Free Kicks
Lionel Messi is slowing down. It’s a painful thing to admit, but it’s true. As the old saw goes, Father Time is undefeated, and there is no greater testament to how unbelievable Messi was at his peak than the fact that he remains far and away the best player in the world in spite of Father Time’s ef...

Ousmane Dembélé Has The Sickest Pump-Fake In The World
For Ousmane Dembélé, Barcelona’s match against Atlético Madrid this weekend had to feel familiar. He started the game on the bench for the fourth La Liga match running, a reflection of the French wunderkind’s continued struggles to ingratiate himself with his teammates and manager thanks his now wel...

Julen Lopetegui Shit-Canned From The Job Of His Dreams Four Months After Being Shit-Canned From The Job Of His Dreams<em></em>
Pour one out for Julen Lopetegui, who has had just about the worst possible year a soccer manager can have. Real Madrid fired Lopetegui this afternoon, one day after an embarrassing 5-1 ass-kicking by Messi-less Barcelona, thus ending a nightmare of a year....

Barcelona Crushed Real Madrid And The Endless Cycle Of Death And Rebirth Begins Anew
Sunday’s edition of El Clásico between Barcelona and Real Madrid might have lacked the star-power and extraterrestrial individual greatness that Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo—both absent from the match for the first time in 11 years—always brought to the affair, but that doesn’t mean this world...

This Weekend Is The First <i>Clásico</i> Of The Rest Of Our Lives
The defining feature of the past decade of international soccer has been the enduring struggle of two opposing forces: Lionel Messi vs. Cristiano Ronaldo, Barcelona vs. Real Madrid. Two of the very best soccer players to ever live, their abilities maximized to the fullest extent possible thanks to m...

La Liga Willing To Go To Court Over Barcelona's Match In The U.S. After FIFA Announced Its Opposition
La Liga officials are still committed to bringing Girona’s home game against Barcelona to Miami on Jan. 26 even after FIFA announced its disapproval of the event on Friday. The governing body of world soccer released a statement on its website following a council meeting in Rwanda....
![Lionel Messi Taken Off After Painful Arm Injury Against Sevilla [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/x9jprgtbxs0vha0cgaiy.gif)
Lionel Messi Taken Off After Painful Arm Injury Against Sevilla [Update]
Lionel Messi was subbed off in the 15th minute of Barcelona’s match against Sevilla on Saturday after suffering an apparent injury to his arm or elbow. The Argentinian was chasing after the ball and ran into a defending Sevilla player, forcing him to land awkwardly. Messi writhed in pain on the pitc...