last-night Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Weekend Winner: Sparty's Balls (If Not His Vascular System)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who beat Notre Dame on a wonderfully idiotic fake field goal in overtime and then survived a "minor" heart attack....
Last Night's Winner: Mississippi Valley State's Airline Miles
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the MVSU Delta Devils, who will play their entire nonconference schedule on the road, because the program really really needs the appearance fees....
Last Night's Winner: Criminal Yankee Fans
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like New York City's criminals, who apparently wear Yankee caps in disproportionate numbers. I too own a Yankee cap (pictured), so I thought I'd take a look at this trend....
Last Night's Winner: Naughty Text Messaging
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Chris Rainey and Francisco Rodriguez, who allegedly sent their sometime ladyfriends the sort of text messages that our country's law enforcement frown upon....
Weekend Winner: NFL Rule 8, Section 1, Article 4
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the "going to the ground" rule, which cost the Lions a victory yesterday and which comes from a part of the rulebook apparently written in crayon....
Last Night's Winner: Tom Brady's Indomitable Will
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Tom Brady, who had kind of a big day yesterday....
Last Night's Winner: Mike Krzyzewski, Restarting The Cold War
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the revival of Soviet-American tensions, exacerbated by a little trash talking from Coach K at the FIBA World Championships. Duck and cover, kids...
Last Night's Winner: Nationals Fans, Bargain Hunters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the 2011 Nationals diehards, who, if they buy two season tickets, will get two free. Now if only someone can find three other Nats fans....
Last Night's Winner: Boise State's Bogus BCS Busting
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like those media darling Broncos, who proved they belong in the National Championship discussion. Unfortunately, they won't prove it again, yet people won't be able to shut up about them....
Last Night's Winner: Lane Kiffin, Bro
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like USC's Lane Kiffin, the happy mediocrity who won his debut last night against Hawaii. Coach Peter Principle is 1-0, everyone....
Last Night's Winner: Nyjer Morgan, Crazy Person
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the "volatile"/"mercurial"/"passionate" Nationals outfielder, who appears to have lost his mind in the last two weeks....
Last Night's Winner: Manny Ramirez And His Unnecessary Translator
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Manny Ramirez, who in his first presser with the White Sox pretended not to speak English and required the translation services of third base coach Joey Cora....
Last Night's Winner: Mira Sorvino's Reputation
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Mira Sorvino's reputation. Though she might be less—oh, let's say—inhibited than others, she definitely did not sleep with Matthew Berry's friend. So says Matthew Berry....
Weekend Winner: Eastern Washington's Horrid New Field
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the bright red turf at EWU, which will trick you into thinking your eyes are bleeding. Even if they probably are....
Last Night's Winner: Bryce Harper's Accelerated Destiny
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those poor bastards in Washington. Sure their franchise savior might need Tommy John surgery, but they've got another one stashed away....
Last Night's Winner: Notre Dame, Bending Television To Their Will
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Fighting Irish, who gain a competitive advantage by convincing NBC to change the way they do commercial breaks, which will facilitate their new up-tempo offense....
Last Night's Winner: Elin Nordegren, "Private Person"
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the former Mrs. Tiger Woods, who waited two whole days after landing a nine figure divorce settlement before signing off on a big People Magazine puff piece....
Last Night's Winner: Tiger Woods, Entering His Media Redemption Phase, Again
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Tiger Woods, who, now that he's single again, should finally be able to focus on what truly matters—golf— and win every tournament ever....
Last Night's Winner: Jamie McCourt
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Jamie McCourt, recent divorcee and current possessor of Frank McCourt's balls in the batshit divorce case that gets batshittier by the day....
Last Night's Winner: Antonio Cromartie's Seed
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Antonio Cromartie's many many children, who each got a mention on last night's Hard Knocks, even if he had to use his fingers and toes to count them....