lastnightswinner Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Weekend Winner: Braylon Edwards Puts Off Judgment Day
Remember that DWI charge, which Braylon Edwards wasn't punished for because the Jets and the league say they can't do anything until he has his day in court? It's been pushed back, again. The Manhattan District Attorney works slower than Roger Goodell....
Last Night's Winner: Donald Sterling, Looking At Those "Beautiful Black Bodies"
Another day, another headlong plunge into the creepy racial and sexual dynamics of Donald Sterling's id. At this point, it's hard to shake the feeling that Sterling goes through life thinking he's perpetually in the back row of a Pussycat Theater....
Last Night's Winner: Russians, Too Drunk To Fly
You don't get named Last Night's Winner just for a stunning 3-goal comeback at the World Juniors. Lots of teams win hockey games. But you do receive the honor for being kicked off an airplane the next morning for being too intoxicated....
Last Night's Winner: Blake Griffin, Dunking Savior
The All-Star Weekend Slam Dunk Contest participants have been leaked, and it's finally acceptable to get excited. Because Blake Griffin is here to make it relevant again, if only for a single year....
Last Night's Winner: Ricky Williams Is The Real Most Interesting Man In The World
After his comments criticizing just about everyone, either Ricky Williams is done in Miami, or Tony Sparano, Chad Henne and Brandon Marshall are. Yeah, Ricky's gone. Just another chapter in his odyssey....
The Losers Win The Weekend
The Seattle Seahawks, with a 7-9 record, will host a playoff game next weekend. Predictably, there are already calls for realignment, reseeding, and an entire rejiggering of the playoff process. We say no: this is an all-time great moment for mediocrity....
Last Night's Winner: Big Ten Refs Grab The Spotlight
It's rare when we even notice which conference's refs are working bowl games. So the Big Ten crews at the Music City and Pinstripe Bowls must have been doing something right. Or wrong. Or both....
Last Night's Winner: The Kings' Only Highlight Of The Season
Tyreke Evans nailed an honest-to-god game-winner from halfcourt. No lame first half buzzer beaters, no overturned on review horseshit. Just a desperation heave to save the Kings. Now watch, Evans will miss two months and Sacramento will lose 10 in a row....
Last Night's Winner: Ozzie Guillen's Son Puts Bobby Jenks On Blast
After Jenks criticized Guillen's handling of his bullpen, Oney Guillen gave a measured response: accusing Jenks of alcoholism, marital problems and punching a clubhouse attendant....
Last Night's Winner: Internet Rumors Of Joe Paterno's Health As Actual News
Perhaps you've seen the email forward making the rounds. It claims that Paterno's health is completely shot, and that he's going to call it quits after the Outback Bowl. But which one of you mooks forwarded it to Sue Paterno?...
Last Night's Winner: Thundersnow And Communist China
Let us call it "Thundersnow" — a Norwegian black metal band of a winter menace, which deposited 18-20 inches of drifting white stuff across the Northeast, canceled football in Philadelphia, and emasculated America....
Last Night's Winner: True Equality In Women's Basketball
Former UConn standout and current WNBA star Diana Taurasi was suspended from her Turkish team after testing positive for a banned substance, reported to be a stimulant. This has nothing to do with Geno Auriemma. I'm sure he'll be brought up anyway....
Last Night's Winner: The Chicago Bulls Kill Christmas
From their rendition of "The Twelve Days of Christmas," we learn that everyone on the Bulls is tone deaf, and one of them might be stoned. Guess which one. Go on, guess....
Last Night's Winner: Ryan Fitzpatrick's Pro Bowl Candidacy
Players votes count for a third of Pro Bowl balloting, and Terrell Suggs's ballot counts for 1/1696th of that. But by voting for Ryan Fitzpatrick (and more relevant, leaving off Tom Brady), he's making a statement....
Last Night's Winner: The Brett Favre Miracle
The following comprises actual phrases from actual stories written about a quarterback who last night performed the miracle of transfiguring his old ass off the injured list. These are taken verbatim....
Weekend Winner: Philly, Now Better Than New York At Everything, Including Dog-Pun Headlines
This is today's New York Post cover. For the sake of comparison, this was the Philly Daily News's cover back in September. Yeah, the Post should've just punted that shit out of bounds....
Last Night's Winner: WEC Goes Out With Some Matrix-Style Shit
Most MMA organizations fade away for want of money or attention or quality, crushed under the thumb of the largest promotions. But WEC was good enough to merge with UFC, so last night it had a chance to say a face-cracking goodbye....
Last Night's Winner: Bruce Boudreau Makes Rex Ryan Look Like Mr. Rogers
Don't say you weren't warned. HBO's 24/7 Penguins/Capitals premiered last night, and we were promised profanity. Either we got it, or they accidentally put Deadwood back on the air....
Last Night's Winner: The Mystery Team
For 35 years, as long as free agency has existed in Major League Baseball, the Mystery Team has made a run at every single available player. But they'd never actually signed one until last night....
Weekend Winner: Unexpected Stadium Destructo-Porn
FOX's video of the Metrodome bubble collapsing is some of the most visually arresting footage we've seen in a long time. How did they get it? A tip that the roof was going to cave in, of course....