lastnightswinner Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: The Zenyatta Bubble
Zenyatta, the undefeated 6-year-old mare who's getting the sort of soft-focus-and-tinkly-piano treatment we generally reserve for plucky little Olympic gymnasts and Bob Costas, is an 8-to-5 favorite in tomorrow's Breeders' Cup Classic, horse racing's true signature event. Bet against....
Last Night's Winner: Sidney Crosby, Tough Guy
Normally we'd anoint as last night's winner the guy who got to punch Crosby. Unfortunately for the Stars' Matt Niskanen, he kind of got his ass kicked. Dallas, can you win anything?...
Last Night's Winner: Lunatic America
So, yeah, the towering weirdos and self-styled public slapdicks are big winners yet again, and this being America, we cannot let such a momentous occasion pass without being loudly stupid about it....
Last Night's Winner: Edgar Renteria, MVP The Earl Weaver And Babe Ruth Way
It's not a shock that the Giants did it with pitching, defense and the three-run homer, as espoused by Weaver. It is a shock that the homer came from dink-hitter Edgar Renteria, and that he apparently called his shot....
Weekend Winner: Madison Bumgarner
There isn't much to say about Madison Bumgarner's performance last night that wasn't captured in the three strikeout pitches that briefly turned Vladimir Guerrero into Rob Deer. Watch....
Last Night's Winner: The Barry Bonds Redemption Tour
So Barry Bonds wants to be a hitting coach. To most of America it's a ludicrous notion, until he returns to AT&T Park for pregame festivities, and we see just how beloved he still is in San Francisco....
Last Night's Winner: Paper Champions, Written In Pencil
Yes, that's Justin Bieber wearing Phil Jackson's NBA Championship ring. That's one more ring than LeBron James or Chris Bosh have had on their fingers, despite preseason plaudits all-but-guaranteeing them a 70-win season. Just 70 more to go....
Last Night's Winner: Dumb, Vaguely Crooked Proposals To Preserve Our Quaint Ideal Of Amateurism
The hot new idea being bruited by the Coalition Of People Who Take Amateurism Seriously (Sponsored by Nike) is to levy "post-NCAA financial penalties" on professional players who ran around with agents during college, which is like the whorehouse fining the whore....
Weekend Winner: The Guy Who Won A PGA Event With A Goddamned Hole-In-One
Going into the fourth sudden-death playoff hole, tied with two other players, Jonathan Byrd teed off. That was all he needed....
Last Night's Winner: Roy Halladay's Junk
The Giants had a chance to shut the door and go back to their second World Series this decade, but Roy Halladay befuddled them. This despite what one writer so wonderfully characterized as a "barking" groin....
Last Night's Winner: Buster Posey's Seasoning
Posey happened all over the place yesterday—4-for-5 and a play at home that was something like full-contact jai alai—and it reminded us that once, before the media began handing out Fields Medals and MacArthur Grants, Brian Sabean was an idiot....
Last Night's Winner: The Continued Glorification Of Brain Mushification
The NFL says they want to cut back on concussions, and step one is punishing helmet-to-helmet hits. Step two is professionally matting and framing a handsome photo of those brutal hits, and selling it to you!...
Last Night's Winner: None More Black (Quarterbacks)
After Vince Young and David Garrard exited with injuries, week 6 saw only three black QBs finish the game for their team — easily the lowest number since people started noting this sort of thing. Maybe Rush Limbaugh is last night's winner....
Weekend Winner: The New Human Cockfighting
DeSean Jackson has memory loss. Dunta Robinson sustained a head injury of his own. Zack Follett got carted off the field and was in bad enough shape that the fact that he could feel his extremities counted as great news....
Last Night's Winner: Ines Sainz, Shrinking Violet
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Ines Sainz, who never wanted to be famous. That's why she held a big look-at-me press conference to announce some things sure to get her back in the news....
Last Night's Winner: David Stern's Excessive Complaining
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like David Stern, who, in advance of NBA labor negotiations, is making vague Rovian noises about cracking down on "excessive complaining."...
Last Night's Winner: Gilbert Arenas's Minor Act Of Treason
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Agent Zero, who had managed to stay away from controversy for a whole five months, until he admitted he faked an injury to give a buddy some PT....
Last Night's Winner: The Guy At ESPN Who Decided This Brett Favre Graphic Was A Good Idea
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Monday Night Football production crew, which broke out the party font because an aging hornball reached a meaningless round-number milestone....
Weekend Winner: Big Ten Gamblers And Conspiracy Theories
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Wisconsin Badgers, who were up 25 with 6 minutes left, and went for two. It didn't please Minnesota, but it pleased some people with money on the game....
Last Night's Winner: The Reporter Who Asked Brett Favre About His Wang
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Brian Costello of the New York Post. If Brett Favre furnished us with his cock, then Costello rounded things out with an enormous set of balls....