lastnightswinner Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: Lane Kiffin, Bro
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like USC's Lane Kiffin, the happy mediocrity who won his debut last night against Hawaii. Coach Peter Principle is 1-0, everyone....
Last Night's Winner: Nyjer Morgan, Crazy Person
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the "volatile"/"mercurial"/"passionate" Nationals outfielder, who appears to have lost his mind in the last two weeks....
Last Night's Winner: Manny Ramirez And His Unnecessary Translator
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Manny Ramirez, who in his first presser with the White Sox pretended not to speak English and required the translation services of third base coach Joey Cora....
Last Night's Winner: Mira Sorvino's Reputation
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Mira Sorvino's reputation. Though she might be less—oh, let's say—inhibited than others, she definitely did not sleep with Matthew Berry's friend. So says Matthew Berry....
Weekend Winner: Eastern Washington's Horrid New Field
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the bright red turf at EWU, which will trick you into thinking your eyes are bleeding. Even if they probably are....
Last Night's Winner: Bryce Harper's Accelerated Destiny
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those poor bastards in Washington. Sure their franchise savior might need Tommy John surgery, but they've got another one stashed away....
Last Night's Winner: Notre Dame, Bending Television To Their Will
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Fighting Irish, who gain a competitive advantage by convincing NBC to change the way they do commercial breaks, which will facilitate their new up-tempo offense....
Last Night's Winner: Elin Nordegren, "Private Person"
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the former Mrs. Tiger Woods, who waited two whole days after landing a nine figure divorce settlement before signing off on a big People Magazine puff piece....
Last Night's Winner: Tiger Woods, Entering His Media Redemption Phase, Again
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Tiger Woods, who, now that he's single again, should finally be able to focus on what truly matters—golf— and win every tournament ever....
Last Night's Winner: Jamie McCourt
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Jamie McCourt, recent divorcee and current possessor of Frank McCourt's balls in the batshit divorce case that gets batshittier by the day....
Last Night's Winner: Antonio Cromartie's Seed
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Antonio Cromartie's many many children, who each got a mention on last night's Hard Knocks, even if he had to use his fingers and toes to count them....
Last Night's Winner: MMA's New "Quantum Physics" Division
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like MMA champ Matt Horwich, who showed in a post-fight interview that he's the smartest man in the world. That, or he'd just been punched in the head repeatedly....
Last Night's Winner: Dodger Stadium's Landlord, The Dodgers
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Frank McCourt, who owns the stadium, yet makes his team pay an exorbitant amount of rent anyway. This is scumbaggery of the highest order, right here....
Weekend Winner: ESPN Forbidden Love
In sports everyone's a winner—some just win better than others, like Katie Lacey and David Berson, who strolled all alone through a fallout zone and emerged with their souls untouched. Translation: the two ESPN horndog lovers were married last weekend....
Last Night's Winner: The Miami Heat's Smothering Of Banana Man
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Heat's culture of secrecy, which forbade local media from speaking to...a fan who wears a banana suit....
Last Night's Winner: Jim Gray, Sports Zelig
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Jim Gray, ubiquitous microphone toady, unlikely power broker, and apparently also something of a dick....
Last Night's Winner: Stephen Strasburg Expectations
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like our hopes and dreams for one talented rookie, which are a little more realistic this morning after he got shelled to high heaven....
Last Night's Winner: The Return Of Bill Walton
In sports, everyone is a winner — some people just win better than others. Like weird, wonderful ol' Bill Walton, at last healthy again and back to doing the thing he does best: being ridiculous in public....
Weekend Winner: A Brand New PED Excuse
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like our nation's poor, overtrained athletes like Brian Cushing, who says he flunked his drug test only because he worked out so hard....
Last Night's Winner: The Case For Robot Umpires
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the fallibility of man, or at least of third base umpire Bob Davidson, whose blown call cost the Marlins the game....