layoffs Page 207 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Finally, The Playoffs Are Set
You know, for a regular season that, all told, was rather lackluster, the NBA first-round playoff matchups look rather compelling. The Raptors-Vince Carter reunion is self-explanatory, but we also have Kobe against the Suns again, the Spurs against Carmelo and Iverson, a truly solid and evenly match...
The NBA Season Finally Comes To A Close
Tonight's the last night of the NBA regular season — it's only been going on since freaking October — and we say goodbye to a rather limp sked we're hoping will be redeemed by the playoffs. Up for grabs tonight? That last playoff spot in the West — which the Clippers appears to have given up on — an...
Beer That Makes You SKINNY!
During the NHL Playoffs, your fans need to bust out the big guns if they're going to appropriately cheer your team onto victory. Your normal selection of Molson and elk bile isn't gonna do it; you're gonna need to start chugging the heroin beer....
Versus Still Working Out The Kinks
Late Wednesday night/Thursday morning, the Dallas Stars and Vancouver Canucks were in the midst of a four-overtime marathon game. Henrik Sedin took a pass from his brother Daniel, aimed to get a shot past Dallas goalie Marty Turco, and hey, could I interest you in the Winsor Pilates total body fitne...
NHL Western Conference Playoff Pants Party
OK, here's the second half of copyranter's NHL Playoff preview. We still haven't figured out what channel most of these games are on, by the way....
Fun With Facial Hair!
One of our favorite subplots of every NHL playoffs slate is the growing of a playoff beard. Because we didn't start puberty until we were 26, we still cannot grow a beard — honestly, we're barely a mammal — so we look at the tradition with envy. A solid playoff beard can foster team unity or, in a p...
NHL Eastern Conference Playoff Pants Party
Now that you have your playoff beards and your Molson, you should be ready for some NHL Stanley Cup Playoff action. One of the reasons we love the NHL Playoffs is that it's possible for games to last eight hours. At the end, everyone dies. Fun to watch....
Ladies And Gents, It's The NHL Playoffs
And you thought we forgot about hockey! Canuck, please!...
Rex Grossman, Like Jim McMahon, But Without The Sunglasses And Headband
We don't mean to imply that Bears fans can get a little crazy in their devotion to their team — they can, but they're usually not mean about it — but this sign, seen at Soldier Field yesterday, seems a bit much. We're amazed this actually stayed up, we really are....
Peyton Manning, An Image Now In Need Of An Upgrade
A confession to make: We like dynasties. We don't like them because it's fun to watch one team win everything, because it isn't. We like them because they provide clear, distinct rooting interests and fault lines. The Patriots always beat the Colts, Peyton Manning can't figure out the Patriots, one ...
Patriots vs. Colts, AFC Championship Game: 4th Quarter
- Not to go all Bill Simmons on you, but what we have here—a one score conference championship game with two of the best quarterbacks in the game—is pretty damn sweet....
Patriots vs. Colts, AFC Championship Game: 3rd Quarter
- Terrence Wilkins gets crunched by Larry Izzo on the opening kickoff of the second half....
Patriots vs. Colts, AFC Championship Game: 2nd Quarter
- It'll be a 3rd and 1 for the Pats when the 2nd quarter starts. I think they've got to get the ball to Logan Mankins here....
Patriots vs. Colts, AFC Championship Game: 1st Quarter
- I'm not really into trophy presentations, so I think I'll go ahead and switch the channel. On the other hand, I'm not really into Dan Marino interviewing Tom Brady, either. Hey, college wrestling on CSTV. Sweet....
Saints vs. Bears, NFC Championship Game: 4th Quarter
- The Bears lead by 4, and Rex Grossman seems to have his balls back for the moment. To start the 4th quarter, the Bears have a 1st and 10 from the Saints 45....
Saints vs. Bears, NFC Championship Game: 3rd Quarter
- The Bears will have the ball to start the second half... Grossman drops back on first down, and picks up 17 yards to Berrian. Nice job by Berrian to go up and get it, and maybe the Bears will unshackle and let Rex be Rex from here on out. I don't know if it would be good for the Bears or not, but ...
Saints vs. Bears, NFC Championship Game: 2nd Quarter
- So, the Saints fumbled three times in the first quarter, and lost two of them. I don't know if you want to blame nerves, cold weather, Drew Brees' lack of gloves, Sean Payton's Illinois upbringing, or George Bush's lack of care for black people... but they should probably get it figured out pretty...
Saints vs. Bears, NFC Championship Game: 1st Quarter
- A fellow named Chris Daughtry is singing the national anthem right now. I don't know who he is, but he's wearing a Bears scarf, and he looks like a white Hootie....
AFC Championship Pants Party: Colts Vs. Patriots
All right, Colts-Pats. We'll take it. It's a canned storyline, but it's still a fun one ... particularly if Peyton Manning has to drive the Colts down the field with less than two minutes and the Pats up by, like, four. That sounds amazing....
NFC Championship Pants Party: Bears Vs. Saints
We're not sure what more we can say about any of these games, except to say that Rex Grossman vs. Drew Brees is certainly the marquee quarterback matchup of Sunday, without question....