lessons Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hey, Get A Load Of This Evil Doctor
The Washington Post has a profile today of Dr. Jack Wolfson, an Arizona cardiologist and holistic medicine, uh, doer or whatever, who's made something of a name for himself by providing a flimsy, fraudulent rime of expertish cover to the reprehensible, morally criminal anti-vaccination crowd in the ...
Bed-And-Breakfasts Are Stupid
Many people get a certain twinkle in their eyes at the mere mention of bed-and-breakfasts. Ooh, let's take a road trip through New England and stay at bed-and-breakfasts! It'll be so cozy and romantic! This is a baffling and inexplicable notion. Bed-and-breakfasts are miserable and stupid....
Voicemail: Furious Fantasy Owner Threatens To Come Get His Money Back
If you've played fantasy football for long enough, you'll see nothing strange over a vetoed trade leading to one owner threatening to come over and beat up the league treasurer....
Two Grown Men Get In A Fistfight Over Fantasy Football
So, what exactly is going on here?...
My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves
One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or...
Chugging Is Dumb
We need to talk about your drinking. To have an intervention, of sorts....
This Dumb Cup Has Room For Chips And Soda, But Not For Dignity
Perhaps you have seen a TV commercial for a product called "Snackeez," a grotesquely large plastic beverage cup with a special dry chamber for storing your favorite garbage snacks. If you have not, here it is:...
How Philly's Little Leaguers Reclaimed "Taney" From America's Shame
You may never hear from Mo'ne Davis again. But even so, she and her teammates have already accomplished something amazing: They've taken back the name "Taney" from history's shit list. In a wonderful stroke of ironic resonance, the name that now evokes a mixed-race, inner-city little league team tha...
Don't Buy All The Pies At Burger King To Spite A Child, You Asshole
By now you likely have encountered this thing, currently wending its way across the internet. In short, the story goes that the guy—a redditor (of course) known as thr111—spited the whiny, out-of-control child and distracted, defensive mother behind him in line at Burger King by purchasing every ...
Roddy White Finally Made Good On That Twitter Bet
Back in March, Falcons wide receiver Roddy White got on Twitter and made a foolish bet with a guy named Brian Hoyt on the Duke-Mercer game. White told Hoyt that he'd give him Falcons season tickets if Mercer beat Duke. Of course, Mercer went on to win. Oops....
Coconut Water Not All That Good For You, Also Lousy And Gross
Many people like to drink coconut water. Some like to drink it because they believe it contains miraculous health-chemicals. Others like to drink it because they believe it tastes good. Both of these groups are incorrect....
Guy Doesn't Pay World Cup Pool Entry Fee, Tries To Claim Prize Anyway
There are rules we must all adhere to in order to maintain a functional society. Foremost among them is this: If you enter a fantasy league/pick 'em group/tournament pool, you must pay up before it starts, or at the very least promise to pay at the next available opportunity, or you do not get to cl...
This NESN Reporter Does Not Seem To Understand Irony
NESN reporter Ben Watanabe is very upset at the Philadelphia 76ers. If you were to read the first half of this, you might come away with the impression that Ben Watanabe is upset at the Sixers for being so tight-lipped with the media about Andrew Wiggins's recent pre-draft workouts. But that's not r...
Helpful Advice From Gabe Kapler: Jerk Off With Coconut Oil
Former MLB outfielder and current Fox Sports 1 talking head Gabe Kapler is a man who possesses a lot of knowledge on how to live a healthy lifestyle, knowledge which he often dispenses on his personal blog, Kaplifestyle.com. A recent post about the many uses for coconut oil contains some of Kapler's...
Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts
Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's interna...
Youth Flag Football Admin Claims Commish Spent League Fees On "Pussy"
Below you'll find an email from one of the administrators of an Atlanta-area youth flag football league sponsored by the NFL. Sent to a number of league parents, it contains a whole host of bizarre accusations against the commissioner. One of those parents shared it with us. Now we share it with you...
Tony La Russa Warns Grads About The Machines During Commencement Speech
Tony La Russa gave the commencement speech at Washington University last week. It was, like most commencement speeches, sort of rambly and boring. But there was one La Russian moment that caught our attention, in which the old manager started going on about Styx, the machines, and sabermetrics....
The Frat Boys Who Moved The Colts Out Of Baltimore
Thirty years ago this spring, Bob Irsay, the prototypical bad sports owner and an obstreperous public drunk, moved his Baltimore Colts to Indianapolis. His son, Jim Irsay, the current Colts boss, has sucked the fun out of the anniversary for Indianapolitans with a scandal that, in its sad and sordi...
Weddings Are Not Expensive. Whims Are.
Here are the things a wedding requires:...
Adult Kickball Team Email: Please Don't Fuck Your Teammates Yet
The weather's getting warmer, which means it's time for America's favorite pastime. That's right: adult kickball....