lies Page 98 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: Philadelphia Bloodlust
In sports, everyone is a winner - some people just win better than others. Like Philly's desire to Taser this copycat attention whore who ran onto the field, which is actually better than he deserves....
And Now, The Taser Video You've All Been Waiting For
Ah, baseball. The crack of the bat. The feel of the grass. The smell of burning hair, as 1200 volts of electricity course through a 17-year-old's nervous system....
Vomiting Phillies Fan's Uncle Would Like Us To Do...Something
Ever since we've started covering the story of Matthew Clemmens, best known for allegedly vomiting on an 11-year old girl, and rocking "Material Girl" at karaoke, his uncle has been pestering us about...well, we're not really sure what he wants....
Family Rushes To Vomiting Fan's Defense In Eminently Quotable Fashion
Now I'm no Perry Mason, but I'd say that if your defense rests in part on there being a distinction between a right person and a wrong person on whom to ralph, your case is lost already....
Apropos Of Nothing, Here's Phillies Vomit Kid Doing Madonna Karaoke
Mean-spirited? Yeah, a little. Only tangentially related to sports? Sure. But fuck it. Here's Matthew Clemmens (stage name: Pukemon) with "Material Girl."...
A Blow-By-Blow Account Of The Vomiting Phillies Fan
In our #tips section, we received a purported firsthand account from someone sitting in the same section as Matthew Clemens, the New Jersey man accused of throwing up on an 11-year-old girl. We reprint it here for your reading pleasure....
Last Night's Winner: Not This Guy
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Unlike this Phillies fan, who on Wednesday at Citizens Bank Park allegedly jammed his fingers down his throat and vomited on an 11-year-old girl and her father....
Phillies' Season Officially Kicked Off By Lap Dance For The Handicapped
It's a couple days old, but we needed time to come to terms with this video of a man in a Jazzy Scooter getting ridden by one of Philly's, um, Phinest. [via Busted Coverage]...
Philadelphia Phillies: 10,000 Losses
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Philadelphia Phillies....
Does Roger Clemens Look Like A Man Who Can't Please A Lady In Bed?
According to his former cuckoo mistress, Mindy McReady, The Rocket had some problems satisfying her in the bedroom. Even when she was 15? [Fox411]...
Tennessee's Pro Athlete Tax: You'll Find No Sympathy Here
It took Brian Rafalski complaining about Tennessee's tax that targets visiting players before everyone decided that it's a huge injustice. And while it is pretty bizarre, it's certainly not a death knell for Tennessee pro sports....
Geographically Confused Bears Vs. The Jungle Cats Of The Monongahela: Oakland-Pittsburgh Open Thread
Oakland got beaten by a lot of highly regarded teams this year; did that make them stronger? Is Pitt legit or playing above their heads? Why is a Michigan school so California-centric?...
Swarthy Wolves Seek To Swarm Yet Another Type Of Bear: Montana-New Mexico
There's a New Mexico? Montana's coach is named Wayne Tinkle. Will Rebecca Rushin make an appearance as a wheeling and dealing small town sheriff causing everyone to bemusedly say "That's so meta?" More short-lived-NBC-comedy-jokes wanted....
Spring Training Win Way More Important Than Silly "World Series"
According to awesomely free Philly Metro, a ninth-inning rally by Wilson Valdez exacts "some measure of revenge" for the Yankees beating them at that whole "world championship" thing last fall. I guess one micron counts as "some measure."...
Grizzlies Fan Enters The Pantheon Of Painful Trampoline Dunk Failures (UPDATE)
Last night, one lucky Memphis fan got the chance to dunk off of a trampoline. He managed the dunk itself, but what followed was yet another reminder of the perils of using springy devices to propel ourselves skyward. [NBA.com]...
Facial Hair Most Pressing Issue In NL Champs Camp
Jayson Werth's beard has been the talk of Phillies spring training. Because this is clearly more important than a lack of a bullpen, there's already an official site for photoshops. [Jayson Werth Beards]...
The Astros Are Confident Brett Myers Won't Punch His Wife In The Face Anymore
"We did our due diligence, we talked to the Phillies, we talked to Brett and we're satisfied that this is not going to be an ongoing problem." [Philly.com]...
Natalie Gulbis Would Make A Horrible Tour Guide
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Roy Halladay's "Dear John" Letter To Toronto
The Phillies' newest acquisition took out a full page ad in the Toronto Sun today to tell loyal Blue Jays fans, "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: Six million, if you count the greater metro area."...
Overzealous Phillies Fan Gets Her Day In Court
The woman accused of offering sex for World Series tickets had a preliminary hearing, featuring graphic testimony and topless photos. The dog wasn't part of either. We hope....