life Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tomi Lahren Is A Facebook Meme Come To Life And America's Newest Hero<em></em>
Some people will try to tell you that take storm generated by Colin Kaepernick’s refusal to stand for the national anthem is a bad thing. These people will sigh dramatically whenever Kaepernick comes up in conversation, and tweet things like, “Ugh. It’s too early for this. I’m going back to bed!” al...
How To Measure Your Kid's Dick
Don’t. What the fuck is wrong with you?...
Twitter User Puts Tony Stewart In His Rear-View Mirror<em></em>
Tony Stewart—you know, the one who did this—decided to offer his thoughts on Colin Kaepernick and his decision to sit down during the National Anthem. You will not be surprised by those thoughts....
Maine Governor Calls State Rep A Cocksucker, Says He'd Like To Kill Him
Unless you live in Maine, probably the last time you thought about Governor Paul LePage, the Rob Ford of the Pine Tree State, was when he complained about “guys that are named D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty” coming up from Connecticut and New York to sell heroin and “impregnate a young white girl.” ...
What, Like You've Never Taken A Headfirst Dive Into The Yankees' Dugout?
Hey, what are you looking at, man?...
Philly Radio Host Fired After Criticizing Rival Show Over Fake Black Caller
Philadelphia sports radio station WIP fired host Josh Innes today, a day after he made fun of 97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli over the revelation that his white producer Pat Egan created an imaginary stereotypical black caller named “Dwayne From Swedesboro.”...
Philly Sports Radio World Rocked By True Story Of Fake Caller "Dwayne From Swedesboro"<em></em>
A local Philadelphia iteration of Skippy And Goatface’s Morning Sports Holocaust on 97.5 The Fanatic has an infamous caller: “Dwayne From Swedesboro.” Dwayne’s schtick is that he’s black, horny for white women, and runs into all sorts of paternity-test problems. According to an exhaustive, truly imp...
Cubs Fans Enjoy Baseball Game
The ballpark has many sights and sounds: the crack of that ol’ hickory, vendors shouting about peanuts and crackerjacks, fans cheering for a big play. These two fans, apparently moved by the spirit of the romance of the ballpark, got a bit handsy on the concourse....
What Will Your Last Tweet Be?
There was an episode of Oprah that aired a long, long time ago that was about the survivors of terrible accidents. At least, I think that’s what it was about. It aired around the time of the Singapore Airlines flight 006 tragedy back in 2000, where a 747 aircraft didn’t manage to lift off before cra...
You Puny Millennial Weaklings Disgust Me, A Tough, Sinewy Elder
Via the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a bunch of weak, pampered diaper babies with butter-soft hands and that your puny muscles are no match for my hardened, callused Gen-X gripping power. I am paraphrasing, here. The Journa...
Counterpoint: Dying Is (Probably) Okay
My smart colleague George Dvorsky over at Gizmodo published a defense of “radical life extension” this morning. This is a largely pseudo- or quasi-scientific pursuit favored by billionaire parasite Peter Thiel (among others), based upon the idea that, essentially, death is a pathology rather than a ...
Accept Your Mediocrity (I'm Fine!)<em></em>
There comes a time in your life when you realize that you are a fairly mediocre human being. You can try to rectify some aspects of the situation—exercise or whatever—but there is little you can actually do to outrun your own unremarkableness. (You can’t outrun it because you’re out of shape.)...
Pirates Fan Leaps For Foul Ball, Comes Up With A Face Full Of Nacho Cheese
I understand that when you see a foul ball coming towards you, you can get a rush of blood to the head. Everyone wants to make a dope catch on a foul ball. “You did it!” they’ll say, “You made the big catch!” The Pirates will call you up and offer you a tryout because you made a sweet frickin’ baseb...
Fall In Love, Get Married, Grow Old Together, And Then Cry
One of the most terrifying things about love is that it’s supposed to last forever. “I want someone that I can grow old with,” is an allegedly romantic thing that people write on dating sites to show that they are not afraid of commitment. (“I want someone to take care of/take care of me” is its cre...
Weak-Ass Bureaucrats To Heroic Philly Citizens: Stop Turning Dumpsters Into Swimming Pools
The wise and proud residents of Cedar Street in Philadelphia, Penn. recently threw themselves a block party. Understanding that the party would be greatly improved by the presence of a swimming pool, they participated in the great American tradition of doing whatever the hell you want. Which is to s...
Golfer Fight!
If you spend enough time on golf courses, you are bound to be involved in or bear witness to a scuffle. Nothing puts polo-clad white dudes in the mood to scrap like golf’s combination of heat, frustrating gameplay, and cheap beer. Things usually cool down before any punches are thrown, but sometimes...
Karl-Anthony Towns Dunks On Child Who Must Now Embark On Lifelong Vengeance Plot
Most NBA players are content to lightly humiliate young basketball camp attendees with an emphatic block or two, but Karl-Anthony Towns just set a new standard for player-on-camper aggression:...
Savor The Moment The Canadian Anthem Singers Realized Their Buddy Had Gone Rogue
The biggest story to come out of last night’s MLB All-Star Game had nothing to do with the game at all, but with a pregame performance of “O Canada.” Remigio Pereira, member of the Canadian singing group The Tenors, replaced some of the lyrics in the anthem with “all lives matter,” a favored politic...
How To Get A Piano (Like For Your Spouse, Say)
So you’ve decided to get a piano! For yourself, or for, say, the piano-loving Target worker who gave up her lifelong piano access when she moved to Mississippi to live with you as your wife. I think this is a fine choice! Pianos are lovely. Let’s talk about some good and bad practices for acquiring ...
Man Plays Pick-Up Game In Full Michael Jordan Uniform
Some people play pick-up basketball because they enjoy casually recreating with their buddies. Others play because they want to re-live their high school glory days. This man plays because the only thing he knows how to be is great:...