life Page 34 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Luis Suárez Bites A Guy And Gamblers Rejoice
A reputation is firmly in place when you can place a bet based on it. Luis Suárez is now a more notorious biter than Mike Tyson, and before he was even able to snack on Giorgio Chiellini, people with serious gambling problems could wager whether or not he would bite someone in this World Cup. Severa...
Jackass Cubs Fan Throws Back Ball Tossed To Him By Billy Hamilton
Ahh, the Wrigley bleachers. Home to the shiftless, the drunk, and the "I'm gonna ruin somebody's game before the second inning even starts."...
Georgia Man Shoots Himself In The Dick, Doesn't Notice
Here is a parable for our age. It involves a gun-wielding man shooting himself in the dick and apparently failing to notice....
Report On Drunks At Luke Bryan Concert Features Really, Really Drunk Guy
You are probably not going to see anyone as drunk as the guy featured in this report on a Luke Bryan concert tonight in Pittsburgh, as aired on WPXI's 11pm news....
Wrigley Field Idiot Runs Onto Field During Rain Delay
We're told this Idiot On The Field is a streaker, though it's difficult to tell if he's wearing shorts or not. Regardless, he's an Idiot. Everybody knows you run onto the field during the game for maximum disruptive power....
Idiot On The Field Delays Germany-Ghana, Is Ignored By Security
An Idiot On The Field had unfettered access to the pitch just after Germany's goal to take a short-lived lead today in Fortaleza, as he was completely ignored by stadium security and a Ghana player was forced to escort the hooligan off the pitch....
Motorcycle Bro Loses Control Of Bike, Wheelies It Into Pool
Not being a gearhead myself, I don't really see the appeal of a pool party where motorcycles are close enough to the pool that this could even happen, but that's just me; I'm not a dude who typically likes to get radical. Just give me a drink and some tunes—loud enough to hear, but not loud enough t...
Celebrating Spurs Fan Falls Out Of His Moving Truck And Onto His Face
The face plant is funny, but it's the momentary daze, followed by the hurried waddle that carries our hero out of the frame that really makes this. That is the gait of a man who is convinced that if he just keeps moving, the massive amount of pain that awaits him will never come....
Lil B's Hoop Dreams: Why The Based God Is Our Lebron (And Our Tupac)
Every Lil B mixtape is an event: a multi-stage, multimedia extravaganza that in all its quirkiness, interactivity, and downright craziness exemplifies why the Based God is the most fascinating artist currently doing it....
Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse
This is just a really special moment for humanity. We take you to the website for Fox 101.9, a radio station in Melbourne, Australia, where "Web Guy Josh" has published a peppy, harmless instructional post for the making of an "Amazing Rainbow Tie-Dye Number Surprise Cake."...
'Lady Skaters' And The Rough Pleasures Of Roller Derby
"It is a teeth-jarring sport for skaters who race 30 miles every night," LIFE magazine wrote of the then-young spectacle of roller derby in December 1948. The scene, LIFE noted, features "enough spills and body contact to gratify even an ice hockey fan."...
Pissed-Up Wanker Invades U.K. Horse Race, Manages Not To Get Killed
A while back we brought you an Idiot On The Field who ran onto the track during a harness race. Here's the thoroughbred version, from today's Cream Gorse Handicap race in Leicester....
How To Make Pancakes, A Marvel Of Labor And Science
The pancake—the notion of the pancake as a breakfast food—comes to us from an older time, a slower time, a time before boxed cereal. A time when your breakfast choices included grinding wheat into flour, mixing it with liquid, and cooking it, or else just chewing on some un-ground wheat like an ass...
Fallen Rangers Fan Is The Saddest Subway Rider
A reader sends along this photo of a prone Rangers fan, fittingly adorned in a Rick Nash jersey and camo Rangers hat, lying prone on the Q train at 2:00 a.m. last night. We are told that this guy "barely moved" for at least three stops, at which time our tipster had to get off the train....
Heartbroken Dude Attacks Ex-Girlfriend And Ex-Best Friend Via T-Shirts
When your girlfriend hooks up with your best friend, living well is the best revenge, but the second-best revenge is selling $13 sky-blue T-shirts emblazoned with "Fuck You Todd & Jessica!" as the pretense for an all-caps rant in which you lambaste Jessica as a "CHERUBIC CONCUBINE TWAT LORD" and inf...
Helpful Advice From Gabe Kapler: Jerk Off With Coconut Oil
Former MLB outfielder and current Fox Sports 1 talking head Gabe Kapler is a man who possesses a lot of knowledge on how to live a healthy lifestyle, knowledge which he often dispenses on his personal blog, Kaplifestyle.com. A recent post about the many uses for coconut oil contains some of Kapler's...
Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts
Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's interna...
How To Make Deviled Eggs, And Reign As Lord Of The Side Dishes
Somebody always brings deviled eggs to the cookout or potluck or NA meeting, and it's never you, and that person is everyone's favorite, because deviled eggs are just the best. ...
My Anger Therapy
Here's an excerpt from Bosnian-American writer, MacArthur "genius" fellow, and Howler contributor Aleksandar Hemon's new e-book, The Matters of Life, Death, and More. It'll give you a little taste of how seriously this World Cup debutante nation takes its soccer....
Youth Flag Football Admin Claims Commish Spent League Fees On "Pussy"
Below you'll find an email from one of the administrators of an Atlanta-area youth flag football league sponsored by the NFL. Sent to a number of league parents, it contains a whole host of bizarre accusations against the commissioner. One of those parents shared it with us. Now we share it with you...