life Page 69 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's The Director's Cut Video Of A Brawl At Chuck E. Cheese's
Seizing the momentum from the Orangeburg (SC) "I Ride The Ride" brawl, tipster John C. forwarded what he deemed "epic" footage of some fisticuffs at the Beaumont, Texas Chuck E. Cheese....
Man Defecates In Store, Steals Candy, Leaves Dirty Undies, And Lashes Out At Schoolchildren
A 45-year-old Swede walks into a store in Finspång, says to the cashier, he's really, really gotta go. Female cashier says health regulations prevent her from allowing him to do so in the employees' WC. So, what'd he do?...
If Tom Coughlin Really Said This To A Teary-Eyed Matt Dodge, He's Quite The Monstrous Dick
This from Philly radio loudmouth Howard Eskin's Twitter: "After Eagles game learned that NY coach T. Coughlin saw his punter in tears. Told him get out of locker room. No longer on this team." And this. But Dodge remains....
For Your Between-Games Entertainment, Video Of A Camel Falling In Church
I feel compelled to share this disclaimer: "No wise men were harmed in the production of this church's Christmas play, nor were any involved in the planning." (H/T Crackerman) ...
Jose Canseco Officially Entered The End Stages Of Desperation
If you thought the whole "Call me now" development was the limbo lowest, you were wrong. Around 2 a.m. EST, Jose Canseco declared, "I will not give up the dream of playing in the majors again, I just can't."...
This Is How Captain Awesome Signs His Name
Deadspin has acquired the official petition for change of name that Captain Awesome, the Oregon man formerly known as Douglas Allen Smith, Jr., submitted to the Circuit Court of Lane County in late September. This is his legal signature....
What Objects Are We Putting In Our Rectums?
Let's have some more fun with the Sun-Sentinel's emergency room database, shall we? Here's a list of various objects that in various contexts were lodged in various rectums. Verbatim:...
Crazy NYC Corner Store Fight Is Crazy
NYC bodegas are always good for something. Take this ridiculous fight for example. Somebody owes somebody money, so somebody else throws some shit around, then: pandemonium....
Lonely Jose Canseco Would Like You To Call Him To Talk About His Life
310 862 6309 I am ready for you call me now let's talk.you will be charged a small fee half of it will go to a charity Remember the "charity" is most likely "The Lonely Jose Canseco Fund." [Twitter]...
Young Philip Rivers Did Not Make Funny Faces, Apparently Wanted To Play For The Bears
"I discovered I went to elementary school with Phillip [sic] Rivers (he's 2 years older)," wrote commenter Gottliebs Cards. "If anyone is interested I'll scan some pics." Interested? You bet your ass we're mildly kind of halfway interested....
Chinese Football Coach Studies Genitals In Order To Find The Next Messi
We've checked our calendar and apparently it's not April 1st for a while yet. Still, that hasn't stopped Chinese newspaper Yangtze Evening Post running a story on a new scouting method for young Chinese football stars — genital assessment....
Silencing Joe Buck And Tim McCarver: A Simple Tech Solution To Our Crappy World Series Announcers
Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, Fox's World Series broadcast team, will begin inflicting themselves on a national television audience tonight. Thankfully, technology offers recourse that doesn't involve throwing something heavy at the TV: just synch up the broadcast with radio commentary....
How One Small DVR Improvement Screwed Up The Football-Watching Experience
No sport lends itself more readily to the splendors of digital video recording than football. And nobody suffered more than football fans when Comcast introduced a schoolmarmish new DVR feature: auto-correction for fast-forwarding....
How To Hack ESPN Fantasy Football To Get Any Player You Want (Update: Fixed)
ESPN's is the second most popular fantasy football site, with more than 6 million users. So it's a huge problem that a gaping flaw exists, allowing you to change the rosters of any team in just minutes. Here's how to do it....
A Tomlinson Fan Wears Adult Diapers in Brooklyn. Why?
I'd know the answer if the fan in question was Namath sans cell-phone waist-unit. But it's not....
Crotch-Kicking Senate Nominee Linda McMahon Assailed From Right And Left As Crotch-Kicker
First came Connecticut GOP rival Peter Schiff's incredible campaign ad. Now comes this DNC statement about the former WWE CEO: "Today the party of Bob Dole, Jack Kemp and Dick Lugar nominated a candidate who kicks men in the crotch..."...
Me And Pedro Go To The Top Of The Empire State Building, Just Porque
Yesterday morning, I woke up all furry and blurry to tour the Empire State Building with Pedro Martinez as part of (obligatory plug) the Pro Glide Ultimate Summer Job thingee he was in town for. Vamanos....
Yes, Dennis Green's Son, Who Apparently Writes For ESPN, Had Some Kiddie Porn On His Computer
I almost typed "kitty porn," which I assume is a lesser charge in Connecticut. Green was also charged with possession of narcotics and drug paraphernalia. He was gonna have quite a party by himself. [Hartford Courant]...
Instant Messages You Never Want To Receive From Your World Cup Correspondent
Luke: well, i just got robbed me: what? what happened? Luke: they took my tickets man my tickets to [USA-Ghana] they pickpocketed me me: who did? ah fuck Luke: i don't know! some fuck...
How One Energy Company Will Prevent Catastrophic Oil Spills: Swivel-Chair Safety
What you are about to read sums up everything that's boneheaded about corporate America — and it all begins with a swivel chair. Read, weep, and learn....