Here's The 911 Call Made After A Man Set A "Hard Screen" In Pickup Basketball

A Virginia man sought out law enforcement after someone in his pickup basketball game performed what witnesses have described as a “hard screen” or “hard pick” at the LA Fitness in Sterling, Va. on Monday. Deadspin has acquired a 911 call made by the gym’s front desk clerk at 6:40 p.m. on Monday evening. The…

Criminal Couple's Harrowing Attempt To Escape Convenience Store Features Unbelievable Number Of Plot Twists

A man and a woman visited the King Street Reddi Mart in Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada on Monday afternoon, and the convenience store owner eventually called the police on suspicion that the man had been using a stolen credit card. By the time the couple left the store, they had lost a shirt and a shoe, gained a deep…

Sweaty Softball Parents Try To Brawl, Roll Around For A Bit, Ruin Daughters' Weekend

The video you’re about to watch is going to look chaotic as hell and sound like the end of days—almost immediately, your ears will be flooded with girls screaming at the top of their lungs while your eyes fixate on what appears to be a violent brawl. Upon closer inspection, however, you’ll realize that all you are…

Bitchin' Politician Just Blasts Himself Right In The Eyeballs With Pepper Spray!

Levi Tillemann is a Democrat running for Congress in Colorado’s sixth congressional district, and he wants you to know he is a leader who will work to “break through the partisan gridlock” and honestly I missed most of the rest of it because holy shit the guy just unloads a fucking quart of pepper spray into his own…

Ho Hum, Dennis Rodman Weeping On CNN Over The Personal Sacrifices He's Made To Broker Peace With North Korea

Monday night North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un joined a historic summit with Donald Trump, a sleazy failed businessman turned sleazy reality television star turned sleazy opportunistic Republican turned President of the United States, and I mean to tell you we haven’t even gotten to the truly psychedelic part of this…

Extremely Online Baseball Knowers Go To War Over "Games Above .500"

Baseball is Ye Olde American Pastime, old enough to have developed its own language and customs and conventions. For example, everyone who follows baseball knows that “7.1 innings” should be understood to mean “seven-and-a-third innings,” even though that’s not at all how decimals work. You could reject that shorthand…