lifes-rich-pageant Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Runaway Airport Supply Truck Getting JACKED UP
Due to the ongoing wussification of American culture at the hands of liberal snowflakes, crunching, destructive hits have mostly been pulled out of highlight packages, if not out of sports altogether. Gone are the days when you could look forward to Tom Jackson and Michael Irvin cackling sadisticall...
Vacation Home Beset By Legion Of Barfing And Shitting Vultures
Behold the Palm Beach vacation home that was recently purchased for $702,000, and behold the great many winged beasts who have shat and barfed their way to becoming the home’s true lords and masters:...
In A Twist, Bengals Player Embarrassed By Fan's Crime
Police in Florence, Kentucky, are searching for a man allegedly stole a case of beer from a store. At the time, he was barefoot and wore a Bengals jersey, so be on the lookout for a guy who really hates shoes and loudly talks about how happy he is that Marvin Lewis is gone....
Grand Junction Humpback Chubs Game Postponed, Which Means The Grand Junction Humpback Chubs Will Play A Double-Header Today
The Grand Junction Humpback Chubs, a minor-league baseball team associated with the Colorado Rockies, had their game against the Ogden Raptors canceled last night due to an “outfield surface issue.” This was bad news for local Chubs fans who had purchased tickets to the game. Not only were they deni...
How The Milwaukee Bucks And A Former Wedding DJ Won The T-Shirt Cannon Arms Race
There’s an arms race of sorts now taking place in sports arenas. Hence, the Quad....
Dennis Rodman Accused Of Stealing, Destroying Yoga Studio's 400-Pound Amethyst Crystal
Having personally brokered peace for all time between the U.S. government and North Korea, basketball Hall of Famer and all-around goof Dennis Rodman spends his time nowadays, among other things, being accused of stealing 400-pound amethyst crystals from Orange County, California yoga studios....
Conquering The Carolina Reaper Requires Self-Deceit, Milk, And A Lot Of Barf
In the same way strip malls pipe in the smell of luxury, the NYC Hot Sauce Expo must pipe in the smell of pain. The ambient tang of hot sauce greets every visitor at the door. How the mere consumption and sale of hot sauce could suffuse a huge, high-ceilinged space with its odor defies explanation. ...
Robert Kraft Is The Silent Center Of The NFL Meetings
PHOENIX — The NFL’s owners are gathered at a fancypants resort here for their annual league meetings. On the agenda are numerous proposals for rules changes, and this morning was the breakfast at which the head coaches got hit with rapid-fire questions for an hour before reporters tore into the buff...
Postgame Dispute Results In One Golfer Headbutting Another Golfer Into A Window
Anyone who plays a sport at any level usually has the fire of a competitive spirit constantly burning inside of them. Sometimes it can be used as motivation to propel you to victory, other times it can manifest itself into a type of anger that causes you to headbutt another person through a window. ...
A Transformer Exploded In New York And The Videos Rule Extremely Hard
I am told this spectacular light show over New York City tonight was caused by a transformer explosion at a power station in Queens, and not by a massive meteor burning up in the atmosphere, nor by slimy space aliens parking their city-sized mothership over the city and preparing the invasion. One t...
An NBA Trade Just Fell Apart Because Someone Confused Two Guys Named Brooks
I am, admittedly, not the typical source of NBA information at Deadspin, let alone in the sports journalism universe writ large. But it’s Friday, I live on the West Coast, I’m home sick with a sinus infection, and my husband is a huge Phoenix Suns fan. I’ve been hearing about this all night. Also, a...
Report: School Officials Determine High School Football Players Caught Running Nude With An Oreo Between Their Ass Cheeks Were Not Hazed
School officials from Byron High School determined that the 10 football players who participated in an “Oreo Run” was not a result of team hazing, according to the Rockford Register Star. After nearly 30 interviews with coaches and players, along with some film analysis, they concluded that the play...
Teen Baked Her Grandpa's Ashes Into Sugar Cookies, Fed Them To Peers
Andy Knox, a student at Da Vinci Charter Academy in California, told KRCA-TV how he came across the dead grandpa cookies. “Two weeks ago, I was just about to go into my sixth-period class, environmental science, and a girl who was also in the class stopped me and asked me if I wanted a cookie. And I...
![These Massholes Found The Missing Red Sox Division Banner, And They're Willing To Negotiate [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/iambxpocn4wuhwqt9xez.jpg)
These Massholes Found The Missing Red Sox Division Banner, And They're Willing To Negotiate [Update]
Practically every stereotype of a New England sports fan is on display in this astounding Boston Globe video accompanying the story of Louie Iacuzzi of Malden—of course—who with his buddy found the Red Sox’s 2018 division title banner on the highway and now want a reward for its return....
Auld Lad At Ireland Bookie Shop Thwarts Three Armed Robbers
There may come a time in life when you’re 83 years old and posted up at the bookies in Glanmire, Ireland, enjoying the retired life. When three men wielding hammers and a gun barge in, what will you do? “You can either run and hide or take a stand and I took a stand,” was the answer that Denis O’Co...
Colorado Sports Fan's Plan To Rob Vape Store Falls Apart After He Drops Gun And Pants
This guy here, by appearances an avid Broncos and Rockies fan, spectacularly failed to rob an E-Cig of Denver store in Colorado on Sept. 2. Fumbling his gun over the counter was a bad start, and failing to secure his pants was a bad follow-up, although he did redeem himself somewhat with a super coo...
If You Don't Want To Watch A Man Shoot Out A Turd Into A Toilet From Way Downtown, Here's A Summary<em></em>
The camera is facing a toilet....
People Are Destroying Their Nike Gear Because Of Colin Kaepernick
Colin Kaepernick is the new face of a Nike ad campaign. As you might imagine, this has really angered the type of people who have said, “I’m a Christian first, and a conservative second” out loud at the dinner table. And if there’s one thing you can expect from these people, it’s that they will go a...
Olympic Champion Swimmer Uses Dogsitter, Comes Home To Find Two Shirtless Guys On Couch With Lube And Camera
Former Olympic swimmer and two-time gold medalist Klete Keller used the app Wag to find a dogsitter, and very much regretted it when he came home to find two shirtless men on his couch with “personal lubricant” and a camera....
UFC Fighter Bryce Mitchell Drilled His Nuts Apart
“So i was gunna train today but i ripped my nutsack in half,” begins a Homeric Facebook post by UFC featherweight Bryce Mitchell. This is the “A screaming comes across the sky” of our time. ...