lifes-rich-pageant Page 25 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Man Escorted Out Of Comerica Park For Being So Drunk He May Have Pissed Himself
Here, for your convenience, are all the classic signs of a person who has had too much to drink. Wobbly knees. Friend struggling to help the person home. Others delighting in the person's misfortune. A brush with law enforcement. Oh, and piss-soaked shorts. [Sweater Punch]...

This Steelers Fan Has A Memorial Sticker On His Car's Rear Window Dedicated To His Foreskin
I don't know if memorial car stickers are a thing elsewhere in the country, but they're popular in Florida. People here regularly attach vinyl stickers to their rear windows in tribute to a beloved who has passed away....

Man Ruins Perfectly Good Sweater With Tribute To Joe Mauer
Sometimes the wastefulness of Americans is downright disgusting. We have homeless folks who would be eternally grateful for the shirts off our collective backs and this selfish jerk just decides to ruin his sweater by cutting into it so it would look like a Joe Mauer jersey....

Noted Pirates Fan Captain Jack Sparrow Is At Today's Twins-Orioles Game
Notorious international criminal Captain Jack Sparrow is in, of all places, Minneapolis today, and while his favorite team may be Pittsburgh's Bucs it appears he has a soft spot for American League ball as well—proving that even terrorism, grand theft, and murder need a day off. It leads us to ask ...

Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, And Ryan Dempster Ate Pizza Together On The Wrigley Field Mound
Celebrities dropping by Wrigley Field to promote their latest piece of crap is nothing new, though we're not sure if tonight's stunt before the Marlins-Cubs game has ever been done before....

A Toothbrush-Wielding Red Sox Fan Was Ejected From Tropicana Field This Weekend
There are myriad ways to earn ejection from a major league ballpark, and most of them are punctuated by overconsumption of alcohol. That appears to be the cause of this incident from Saturday's Red Sox-Rays game in St. Pete, as a Red Sox fan quickly found herself parked outside after a bizarre int...

Read The Full Saga Of The Piggyback Bandit
Back in 2009, we wrote about the strange antics of Sherwin Shayegan, otherwise known as the Piggyback Bandit. Intrigued by Sherwin's story, the fine folks at Grantland sent Bryan Curtis on the bandit's trail in the hopes that some sense could be made of the man's obsession with piggyback rides....

Adults Brawl At Little League Game
Whether it's the woman repeatedly shrieking "what are you doing?!" or the man telling the other men who were just rolling around on the ground to "set an example, guys" or the other woman telling everyone to "show some class," this video taken at a little league game in Columbus, Georgia is a slic...

Cherry-Pit Spitting Contest Makes For Great Copy
This is a great article for a sweaty Saturday evening. It's short, sweet and absolutely absurd. Let's start with the headline:...
!["It's Just All Made Up And Flagellant": A Tour Of Fred Davis's Hilarious Legal Troubles [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17rafso5oxas7jpg.jpg)
"It's Just All Made Up And Flagellant": A Tour Of Fred Davis's Hilarious Legal Troubles [UPDATE]
Well, now. Yesterday, The Washingtonian passed along the glorious details of the shitshow civil suit being brought against Redskins tight end Fred Davis by a woman who's accused of being a "pimpette." Long story short: Davis allegedly poured an entire pitcher of juice on the woman's head, and the wo...

This Video Of An Old Crimson Tide Fan Lip-Synching "Call Me Maybe" Is The Most Discomforting Thing Ever
From tipster William, with whom we will be forever angry with due to what he has exposed us to, comes the above video. The video depicts an elderly gentleman lip-synching to "Call Me Maybe," which is A Thing on YouTube these days, but this version goes beyond "Oh man this song is so stupid and ann...

Throbbing Pipes And Pussy By The Can: Scenes From Laconia Bike Week
It is never truly silent during Laconia Bike Week. Even when you're far from the Finger Eleven or Nickelback songs playing at Weirs Beach (the heart of the event), or from the profanity dropping out of the mouths of bearded dudes with skin almost as leathery as the vests they're wearing, there is st...

The U.S. Open Trophy Ceremony Videobomber Is A Deforestation Activist Named "Jungle Bird"
The roosterlike fellow who invaded last night's U.S. Open trophy ceremony and earned a scolding from champion Webb Simpson has been identified as a kooky deforestation activist named "Jungle Bird."...

Webb Simpson Wins U.S. Open, Has Trophy Ceremony Invaded By Squawking British Man
Webb Simpson seized his first major title on a U.S. Open Sunday rife with errors in play by all competitors. At times, it looked more like the Albert Achievement Awards than a professional golf tournament, but by far the weirdest moment came after play ended when a man garbed in Union Jack colors...

Arena Football Player Has Best Excuse Ever For Why His Apartment Caught On Fire
"Kevin Marcus Ellison of the Spokane Shock claims he was told by God to torch his apartment with a marijuana blunt." Happens to the best of us....

Behold Shin-Kicking, An Actual Competitive Sport In England
Says The Daily Mirror: "The rules of shin kicking are very simple. Kick your opponent to the ground and you win. No throwing, tripping or pulling—the 'fall' must be precipitated by a kick to the shins." Very well....

An Idiot On The Field In Detroit Today Tried To High-Five Nick Swisher
The final out of today's Yankees-Tigers matchup at Comerica Park was delayed by a (fully-clothed) fan who took advantage of lax/slow/forgiving security and roamed around the field for close to a minute....

Hulk Hogan Retweeted Gentleman Because He "Went Balls Deep" On His Daughter Brooke
Generally speaking, the practice of asking for a retweet should be frowned upon as the last resort of the pathetic, but there are exceptions to every rule. One need not look any further than this masterpiece of random craziness....

Soccer Fan Invades Pitch, Joins Match, Scores Goal
Most pitch invaders (and Idiots On The Field in general) earn a quick bouncing by security officials, but that isn't what happened Wednesday night in Montenegro as a supporter of FK Budućnost Podgorica leapt onto the field in the final moments of his side's league-clinching match against FK Lovćen...

Fan Sues Pittsburgh Penguins For Sending Him Too Many Text Messages
The Pittsburgh Penguins figure to have a pretty busy offseason. They have to shore up their defense even though they're stuck with Paul Martin's hefty contract. On July 1, they can begin to negotiate new deals with Sidney Crosby and Jordan Staal, whose current pacts expire after next season. And, li...