lions Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stanley Pringle: Jackin' It
You know, it's really annoying when athletes-masturbating-in-libraries stories break in the evening and we have to wait until morning to write about them. If we can't be your leader in library masturbation coverage, we're not sure what our point is....
Live Blogs You'll Gleefully Skip: Illinois-Penn State
We know, we know: Nobody cares about a stupid liveblog of a pointless Big Ten tournament first round game. We're fully aware. As we mentioned yesterday, it's just, like, practice or something....
The China Olympics Should Only Involve Lions
How exciting are the Olympics going to be? Well, to entertain folks at the Chinese Zoo, lions are riding on the backs of horses. Only Barbaro could withstand such attacks....
Oh Gosh Todd, You Shouldn't Have Said That
Male cheerleaders have their place in life, we suppose. Who else can we mock mercilessly and string up by the heels from flagpoles? I mean, who else who can't fight back? We laugh at their spiffy routines and tight-fitting sweater-and-slacks combinations, occasionally one becomes President, and life...
SHOTY First Round: Isiah Thomas Vs. Marques Slocum
We come, AT LAST, to the end of the first round of SHOTY voting. Yes, it's taken a while; just be glad we have 16 competitors, rather than 64. We would have had to start in June....
Jon Kitna Has Good Reasons To Love God
After the Lions' loss to the Packers yesterday, reporters asked Detroit quarterback Jon Kitna what he was thankful for. As everybody now knows, Kitna wears his Christianity on his sleeve. And we really have no problem with that....
Welcome To The Land Of Turducken
Prepare for this exact scene tomorrow: Brett Favre eating turkey and receiving backslaps on the Lions' home field. (We're not sure, but we believe this picture was taken in 1983.)...
Do Not Taunt The Detroit Lions
We don't believe it either, but the Detroit Lions are 6-2, with four winnable games coming up. What the heck is going on?...
Detroit Lions Sweep The Leg On Broncos
The appetizers leading up to the Colts-Patriots were actually rather satisfying. Most of the games were very close in the fourth quarter, and a very large defensive lineman had to run fast. The Patriots-Colts, Texans-Raiders, and Seahawks-Browns are the only afternoon games. But first, let's look at...
The Only Time Jon Kitna Has Ever Been Naked In Public
We're a little behind on this, but it's awfully amusing, particularly because it's Halloween. Lions quarterback Jon Kitna apparently has a better sense of humor than you might have thought....
Penn State Fans Aren't Particularly Sportsmanlike
Generally speaking, we enjoy a good harmless scrum among rival fans, but ... this would seem to cross the line considerably. How far past the line? A Michigan blog is appalled by this. And why wouldn't he be? Any normal human would be....
We Are All Calvinists
• I was rather impressed with Calvin Johnson's endaround touchdown where he eluded about three tackles by himself and had great wide receiver blocking downfield. The Buccaneers adorably recovered the onside kick late in the game and nailed a field goal, but couldn't get another onside kick to go the...
Look For The Large Wide Receiver At Your Door Today
You know how Pizza Hut offered to explain the importance of tipping to Lions wide receiver Roy Williams, a notorious avoider of the practice. Well, today, Roy Williams is doing his part to understand how the other 99 percent lives....
Pizza Hut Wants To Be Friends With Roy Williams
You might remember that Lions wide receiver Roy Williams hates to tip pizza delivery guys. Well, it turns out, the president of Pizza Hut has taken notice, and he's offering Williams a job....
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Ladies, Line Up For Roy Williams
Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is making $1,515,000 this year, which is actually a little less than you might think, considering Jon Kitna is being paid $5 million. Therefore, Williams, under such obvious financial constraints, has to keep a close eye on his bottom line. That is to say: He's amazi...
God Apologizes For Helping Kitna
Lions quarterback Jon Kitna, just eight wins away from that preseason prediction, claimed last week that God healed his concussion, allowing him to play last week against the Eagles. You might have wondered what God thought about this. Well, Sportsline's Clay Travis has talked to God, and he's sorry...