lions Page 48 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Pizza Hut Wants To Be Friends With Roy Williams
You might remember that Lions wide receiver Roy Williams hates to tip pizza delivery guys. Well, it turns out, the president of Pizza Hut has taken notice, and he's offering Williams a job....
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Ladies, Line Up For Roy Williams
Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is making $1,515,000 this year, which is actually a little less than you might think, considering Jon Kitna is being paid $5 million. Therefore, Williams, under such obvious financial constraints, has to keep a close eye on his bottom line. That is to say: He's amazi...
God Apologizes For Helping Kitna
Lions quarterback Jon Kitna, just eight wins away from that preseason prediction, claimed last week that God healed his concussion, allowing him to play last week against the Eagles. You might have wondered what God thought about this. Well, Sportsline's Clay Travis has talked to God, and he's sorry...
Jon Kitna Was Sacked For Your Sins
You just knew that when God finally made his presence known to mankind, it would be to heal a journeyman NFL quarterback's minor head injury. So you Iraqi kids with missing limbs, you're just going to have to wait your turn. Jon Kitna's got to take care of business!...
The Big Ten Network Needs All The Good PR It Can Get
We remember, back in March of this year, when we constantly railed against Major League Baseball's desire to put its Extra Innings package only on DirectTV, the masses rose up, and the uproar was so deafening that MLB couldn't help but notice, even way up there in their castle in the skies. (It floa...
It's The NFC North Pants Party
OK, now it's time for the NFC Central North. We haven't seen anybody pick anybody other than the Bears yet. We suspect it won't be much different here....
JoePa Demands A Job Done Right
If we had our way, Joe Paterno would coach Penn State until the end of time. If the Lord ever decides, misguidedly, to take JoePa, we hope his ghost patrols the sidelines until all the players are wearing rocket packs. Because he's our type of guy....
Charles Rogers, Finding A Home Up North?
We think we've found a great future job for Lions general manager / president Matt Millen, if he's ever actually fired by Detroit. (Ha. Right.) He would make a grand scout for the CFL....
NFL Season Preview: Detroit Lions
Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we're going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, we have to go this early. So there you have it....
Calvin Johnson Must Be Really, Really Good
...because he has Jon Kitna believing that the Detroit Lions are going to dominate the NFL this year. The same Lions that went 3-13 last year, because of a rookie wide receiver, are going to win 10+ games this year. Mmhmm....
JoePa Will Put Your Ass To Work
We love Joe Paterno. Whereas many coaches would discipline their players for a campus fight by suspending them or — more likely — not doing anything at all, the Penn State legend is forcing them to clean the inside of the stadium....
Matt Millen May Not Have Screwed This Up
The Detroit Lions, with the 2nd overall pick, take Calvin Johnson, WR, Georgia Tech. Mike Tanier of Football Outsiders tells you all about it....
Everybody Should Have A Nittany Lion At Their Party
Looks like when it's offseason at Penn State, it's pretty tough for the beloved JoePa to keep a firm grip on the ears of his players. Because some Nittany Lions could be in some serious trouble after a weekend altercation....
Roll On, Eighteen Wheeler, Roll On
We're actually big fans of the huge semi trucks that college football teams use to transport all their equipment from game-to-game; when we went to the Rutgers-Illinois game this year, we actually waved to the guy driving the Illini truck. Illinois had lost 33-0, and he grouchily nodded back. At lea...
Matt Millen Laughs At The Pain He Causes You
You know, we're starting to think that the only things that would survive a nuclear holocaust would be cockroaches, Kevin Federline and Matt Millen. And at least the cockroaches would feel kind of guilty about it....
The Tough Life Of A Backup Lineman For The Lions
You know what the problem with flight attendants are? You don't? Well, WE'LL TELL YA....
It's A Big Day For The Millen Haters
The latest in Lions fan protests is happening, oh, any time now. At some point in the second quarter, Lions fans are urged to walk out of Ford Field en masse. The goal, I believe, is not necessarily to voice their anger with Matt Millen, but rather with the guy who won't fire him, team owner William...