lolunited Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What On Earth Is Going On With José Mourinho's Manchester United Pre-Contract?
We can all agree that the big takeaway from the pre-contract José Mourinho has reportedly signed with Manchester United is the simple fact that, after a few months on the sidelines, no doubt stewing over the calamity that was his final season at Chelsea, our man Mourinho will almost certainly be bac...
![Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ysq02t1fnmv0ryalypvi.jpg)
Right Now, Manchester United Must Rely On Some Unknown Teen To Save Their Season [Update: HE'S FUCKING DOING IT]
In their usually fruitless quest to prove they can still compete with the truly elite clubs in world soccer, Manchester United have apparently decided to challenge Bayern Munich for the title of World’s Most Injured Squad. Just a little while ago, the one bright spot during this season of frustratio...
Louis van Gaal Urges His Players To Get Rock Hard For Victory
So that’s what Louis van Gaal means when he says he pumps up Manchester United’s players before matches....
The Manchester United Backroom Power Struggle Theory We Desperately Hope Is True
There’s simply never enough intrigue and entertainment to be had from Manchester United to fully sate our appetite. Either they’re crushing all opponents at home and abroad, as they did during Alex Ferguson’s tenure, or they’re shitting all over themselves, the way they have in the few years since S...
Europa League Team Thinks It Can Buy Cristiano Ronaldo, Neymar, And Gareth Bale
Oh, Manchester United. Haven’t we been over this already?...
Now It's Manchester United's Turn To Embarrass England With Some God-Awful Defending
I’m almost at a loss for words. Again, an English team meets a Champions League foe they should really be beating, and again they go down thanks to some horrendous defending....
God Smites The Manchesters Because England Sucks
England, man. Their clubs spend all that money on some of the best players in the world, get all that media hype about being the best league in the world, and right as you start to buy into it all they meet a couple underdogs from Europe and prove yet again that England isn’t as good as it’s made ou...
The Botched David de Gea Transfer Was A Glorious Clusterfuck
Transfer deadline day is always liable to turn up a couple shockers, either in completed deals from out of nowhere or transfers that appear imminent only to collapse right before the crossing of the final T. Real Madrid’s failed attempted to buy David de Gea from Manchester United is one of the latt...
Manchester United Still Don't Realize They're Not Manchester United Anymore
It’s kind of cute, if in a sad sort of way. Manchester United, once the biggest name in the game, chasing after superstars in the press like a giddy child racing after lightning bugs in the night, hoping to nab one or two like the big clubs can but knowing deep down that it won’t actually happen....
David Moyes, On What We All Saw Coming: "I Really Didn't See It Coming"
Former Manchester United manager, laughingstock, and amateur golfer David Moyes has stayed pretty quiet since getting canned before last season's end. (Publically, at least. Don't come at him sideways at a wine bar.) Today, he spoke to the Guardian, expressing a frankly unbelievable level of naive...
Looks Like The Manchester United Traveling Circus Might Really Happen
During the latter stages of last season, there were rumors that United might partake in a tour of the Middle East and Asia during the missing midweek Champions League fixtures that otherwise would've filled the schedule and coffers. It was funny enough to mention in passing, but too outlandish to be...
Wayne Rooney Gets Dumbest Red Card Ever
Manchester United are taking on West Ham today, and after captain Rooney and striker Robin van Persie goals put United up two after just 22 minutes, West Ham pulled one back eight minutes before half. In the second half, the visitors settled in and began to dominate play. We've seen this movie befor...
Manchester United's Defenders Don't Actually Know How To Defend
Manchester United were supposed to play yesterday in England's League Cup. Instead, they were home chilling, because on August 26, they got curb stomped by third-division midtable side MK Dons. ...
Manchester United Dominate Leicester, End Up Getting Blown Out
You see that little guy up there? That's Filbert the Fox, Leicester City's mascot. Don't worry, he's feeling great. Though his club hosted the rich and famous Manchester United today, his boys managed to take down the giants. Those aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of mockery, directed at the...
MK Dons Score Gorgeous Goal While Bossing Manchester United
Milton Keynes Dons of League One—that's the league below the league below the Premier League—put a goddamn hurting on Manchester United in a League Cup match today, beating them 4-0 to the delight of nearly everyone in the world. Here is the third and prettiest goal of the match, featuring some deft...
Something Disgusting Happened In Ashley Young's Mouth
It's hard to say exactly what this is that flies directly into Ashley Young's mouth—many on Twitter say it's bird shit, which should make you want to eat Clorox wipes for a week—but even if it's just human spit, it's equal parts amazing and gross. ...
David Moyes Apparently Got In A Bar Fight
In what must be a classic example of taking your problems out on the wrong people, former Manchester United manager David Moyes is accused of assaulting a man at a bar last night....
Man United Hire New Manager, Already Expect To Win Premier League
It's not even next season yet and we've already got the first lolunited post of the '14-'15 campaign. New Manchester United ship captain Louis van Gaal has officially been christened, and in lieu of smacking him across the head with a champagne bottle, they've promised him £150M, with an expectation...
The 2013-14 Premier League Season Was Well And Truly Fucking Awesome
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There was pessimism, hope, and ultimately failure. There was schadenfreude; oh, was there schadenfreude. There were also huge games, mesmerizing goals, and more twists in the title race than a M. Night Shyamalan movie (but actually good). To cap o...
Manchester United Sacks Sad Sack David Moyes After Disastrous Campaign
It's official! Sad David Moyes has been fired by sad Manchester United, just one year into a six-year contract. While Moyes had avoided the ax a couple times this season, the sacking isn't at all surprising given a nightmarish campaign that has resulted in United's worst ever Premier League season a...