mad Page 118 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's 3 A.M., And Your NCAA Pool Brackets Are Safe And Asleep ...
On Wednesday night the three Presidential candidates were asked who they thought would win the NCAA Basketball Tournament, and their answers were completely predictable. Barack Obama: North Carolina. Hillary Clinton: Would not commit, pending polling results. John McCain: Mistakenly filled out room ...
Frank Caliendo, Dish Network To Be Sued Back To The Stone Age?
Of course just about everyone loves Frank TV: Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Jews … our admiration for the voice stylings of Frank Caliendo is the only thing on which we can all agree.* Two notable exceptions, however, are John Madden and Charles Barkley, who do not take kindly to Caliendo using thei...
At Last, An NCAA Basketball Pool Without Shame
Good news if your NCAA Basketball Tournament pool is in California; no longer must you lurk in the shadows as you make your picks, hiding your brackets from the cops during routine traffic stops and pretending that your sudden interest in Drake is due to their "top-notch pharmacy and health sciences...
Um, It May Be Time To Eliminate That Play-In Game
On most tournament pool brackets it will be indicated as "play-in winner," a stirring tribute to a successful season if ever there was one. Presenting once again the play-in game, which has become the NCAA's little joke on the smaller Div. I schools. This year was especially awkward, as Coppin State...
High Tech Underpants For The Sportsman On The Go
For those of you who are planning to take advantage of that NCAA Tournament vasectomy special we mentioned over the weekend, you're surely gonna need a pair of these for your recovery period. I own several pair, and I'm not even considering surgery....
Bring Back The Fightin' Christians!
So here's an underdog story that makes all others look wan and thirsty by comparison. Elon University — which as you know is in North Carolina — is one win from making it to the NCAA Division I Tournament. This despite sporting a 14-18 record, having a student population of just 5,000 students, and ...
Go From A 16 Seed To A No Seed
MVN Outsider points to a snippy (tee hee) promotion that ensures that if, you know, you're a fella who wants an excuse to watch the entire NCAA Tournament and also is interested in rendering himself sterile, you needn't wait until after the tourney....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while vomiting profusely ... • 7:00 p.m. — NCAA Basketball: Tennessee at Georgia. The perfect matchup to settle their border dispute. [ESPN2] • 8:00 p.m. — NBA: Nuggets at Rockets. How many teams do you know of that have won 14 straight games and nobody thinks they'll do anything in th...
Big Ten Pets Are Ready For March Madness/Snausages
Poor Cuddles. Ever since Kelvin Sampson left Indiana, he has refused to leave his bucket. And as the NCAA Tournament approaches, I think we can all identify ... obsessing over our own team's weaknesses; sitting as we are in our own metaphorical buckets of regret. Except that I'm wearing mine on my h...
The Madness Begins Tonight
The College Basketball Closer is written by the gang at Storming the Floor....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Boy, Did You Ever Miss A Barnburner At MSG Last Night
So, if there were ever a day for the Knicks to finally get fed up with Isiah Thomas and end this madness, today would seem like a good one....
Giants Running Back Once Couldn't Even Outrun The Five-Oh
One of the nice aspects of the Super Bowl is that, with the media clusterphooey descending on the game, smaller stories that people might not know about lesser-known players. OK, actually, this is one of those theoretically nice things; it never actually happens this way, which is why, we repeat, yo...
Jim Calhoun Has A Knack For Agate Type
Jonah Keri writes the college basketball closer (more or less) daily. E-mail your questions, comments or Clarence Ceasar-related memories to [email protected]....
Favre Mad Libs > Brady Slash Fiction
Have you ever wanted to write a story about Brett Favre, but you just couldn't find the right words to express your raging hard-on for the guy? Well worry no more, because the Gray Lady's younger, sluttier e-counterpoint has written the perfect formula....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch on your new TV that is larger than the actual playing field being televised ... • College football: Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, Arizona State vs. Texas, at San Diego (8 p.m., ET) Let the Pac-10 Holiday Bowl humiliation continue. [ESPN] • College basketball: Nevada at North Carolina (7 p...
He's Baaaaaaaaaaack!
If it were up to me I would not be reposting this. I find 'Nightmare Ant' creepy, intimidating and more than a little demonic. But the truth is, I have very little control over this site anymore. Neither does Will. Yeah, it's 'Nightmare Ant' calling the shots now. And if 'Nightmare Ant' wants his ph...
The Armadillo Cowboy, Know Thy Name
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or throwing out pork chops, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!...
Fun With Bermanisms
What is the worst Bermanism of all time? Sure, they're all cringe-inducing; especially if you imagine him blurting them out during pickup sex. Plus, they seem to multiply like fleas; there must be about a hundred of them. Well, actually, 528 to be exact. Yep, some poor sap compiled a list of every b...