mad Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If You Like Painful Basketball And Dickhead Fans, Root For Virginia
Look, I'm not going to complain about Virginia's style of play here. You don't need to read the umpteenth article telling you that there's not much joy to be found in watching their version of rockball which involves, on offense, walking the ball up the court, wheeling man after man around the perim...
Announcer Calls Black UNI Player "Best Athlete ... Flashiest Player"
Northern Iowa is playing Wyoming right now in the NCAA Tournament, and as you would guess, there are a whole lot of smart, gritty gym rats on the court. Two and a half minutes into the game, though, Northern Iowa subbed in Wes Washpun, a black player. Spero Dedes, calling the game alongside Mike Gmi...
If You Like Drama, Root for Maryland
Freshman Melo Trimble leads Maryland in games played, minutes, points, scoring average, free throws, free throw percentage, assists and steals. But Trimble's game is at least as pleasing to non-analytics obsessives. Early into a season in which his team earned a reputation for thriving in cliffhan...
If Your Bracket Is Already Busted, This Image Will Infuriate You
You spent hours, maybe even days agonizing over your bracket, and given how many upsets there were yesterday, it's likely that the whole thing has already gone up in flames. If you're still smarting, I suggest not scrolling down to look at the image below....
Madonna Needs A Nap
Madonna needs a friend who will grab her by the shoulders and ask the hard questions, like, "Are you sure this is such a good idea?" She has needed a friend like this for many, many years, and no, the help does not count. Sure, I know she has a new album out and all that, but she really needs to dri...
BeeJay Anya Hits Game-Winner For North Carolina State, Downs LSU
Today's wild day of NCAA tournament action stayed crazy as North Carolina State's BeeJay Anya delivered a late jumper to give the Wolfpack a 66-65 win over LSU. It was all possible due to this clever dribbling from Trevor Lacey:...
Bonk!
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Ohio State's D'Angelo Russell Bloodied By Elbow To The Face
Ohio State's D'Angelo Russell took an elbow to the face courtesy of VCU's Doug Brooks while going up for a rebound. Brooks got hit with a flagrant one foul; Russell needed to be cleaned up, but kept playing after the injury....
SMU Just Got Boned Out Of The Tournament By A Bullshit Goaltending Call
SMU just lost a heartbreaker to UCLA, and holy shit, are they going to have a hard time swallowing this one....
If You Have A Heart, Pull For SMU
You can say a lot of things about Southern Methodist University: lots of spoiled kids go there, it has the George W. Bush library and is proud of it, that whole death penalty thing, etc. etc. and then some. But for me, it is of some great personal significance that they're even playing in the NCAA t...
Georgia State's R.J. Hunter Topples Baylor, Dad With Deep Three
Georgia State's R.J. Hunter sank a deep, deep three to upset third-seeded Baylor and get the 57-56 victory. Panthers coach (and R.J.'s father) Ron Hunter, who tore his Achilles celebrating his team's Sun Belt championship, fell out of his rolling chair after his son hit the shot....
Iowa State Blows It; UAB Wins By A Point
Fred Hoiberg's squad didn't get a second game to show off their style of play. Third-seeded Iowa State lost to UAB 60-59 after Naz Long's potential tying three missed, and the ball went in as a two-point shot with less than a second remaining. This was the Blazers' first tournament win since the...
Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms
For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, becau...
Demetrius Jackson Leads Notre Dame On A Razzle-Dazzle Fast Break
14-seed Northeastern brought the fight to Notre Dame today, but eventually lost 69-65 after crapping away a chance to tie it up in the closing seconds. Before that, though, Notre Dame guard Demetrius Jackson pulled off this slick bit of dribbling and passing on a fast break. So far, this is the high...
Failure To Pay Office Pool Winnings Leads To Sad, Overwrought Email
This overwrought email, sent by the winner of a March Madness office pool to the irresponsible pool administrator who was dragging his or her feet with payouts, comes to us from a tipster who tells us that he dusts it off every March for a good chuckle. We don't blame him....
If You Like Overrated Teams That Will Let You Down, Root For Georgetown
Listen. My dad grew up in DC. My mom went to Georgetown, and was an extra in The Exorcist. College Allen Iverson is, in my opinion, the greatest basketball player of all time. I grew up playing ball with Austin Freeman. One of my best friends went to Georgetown, and another one is an assistant coach...
If You Like White People, Root For Lafayette
The Lafayette Leopards have been to the NCAA tournament three times; they have never won a game. They probably won't get their first victory tonight against Villanova—6:50 p.m. on TBS!—since a No. 16 seed has never beaten a No. 1 seed in the tournament. However, we still want to take a minute and re...
If You Like Not Being Scum, Root Against Coach K, Who Is Scum
Look. I hate Coach K. You hate Coach K. Everybody hates Coach K. Nobody needs a reason to root for somebody else—anybody else! Attila the Hun! Sauron! anybody!—to win the NCAA tournament. What I am saying is that you should actively root against Coach K. Root for his defeat. Root for his Virtue and ...
If You Like Anteaters, Root For UC Irvine
UC Irvine is in the dance for the first time as a Division I basketball program. Congratulations, Anteaters. Wait, Anteaters?...
If You Want Blood And Guts, Root For Kentucky
Maybe you're one of those people who pushes all the difficulty sliders in your favor when you play NBA 2K15, or forces all the other teams to trade you their best players when you start up a Madden franchise. Maybe you only enjoy victory when it's achieved on the most destructive terms, your opponen...