Lucas Moura Cooking Chris Smalling Is A Metaphor For Tottenham's Spanking Of Man United

It takes a firm lashing of José Mourinho’s asscheeks to get him to walk into a press conference and opine about international humanitarian crises before storming out of the room while doing an unironic Birdman impression, and that’s exactly what Tottenham administered to Mourinho’s Manchester United yesterday. If you…

Paul Pogba's Agent Shit-Talks Man United Legend, And Things Are Looking Bad

Following Manchester United for the couple years, it’s hard to combat the sense that Paul Pogba isn’t very happy at the club right now. But for as up-and-down as his return to England has been, it seems like right now—with his manager criticizing him and the team playing poorly and unadventurously and credible reports…

World Rejoices As Shitty Manchester United Team Knocked Out Of Champions League

Yesterday’s Manchester United-Sevilla Champions League match was the best game of the knockout rounds thus far. Not because these are two particularly great teams competing—they both are pretty bad—nor because they played especially well—the game was largely awful. No, this match was great for pretty much one reason…

Bucs And Manchester United Owner Ed Glazer Will Host A Big Trump Reelection Fundraiser

Ed Glazer, whose family owns the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Manchester United, will host an exclusive fundraiser for Donald Trump tonight at his house in Beverly Hills. The President’s schedule and plans in Southern California are shrouded in secrecy, but he’ll spend the evening at Glazer’s $22.7 million home trying to…