I mean, where do you even start with this?
Noted trophy presenter Mark Messier is parting ways with the Rangers after four years as "special assistant," which was a made-up job anyway.
Bear Grylls is doing a three-part series of short videos for Degree Men deodorant in which Mark Messier "coaches" him through challenges from professional athletes. In the latest installment, Kevin Durant tells him to do a heli-oop. So he does.
We hope Dick Vermeil is someday elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, because you know he's just gonna go cry crazy. That place will look like New Orleans when he's done with the waterworks. Until that happens, though, we'll just have to make do with Mark Messier's Hall of Fame induction on Monday.
We're going with 37. Wait ... no, 38.
Here's to Mark Messier, who retired today after 25 years in the NHL. Thanks to you, there was a brief, tiny, singular moment where people could actually stand Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. Happy trails, dude.