men Page 347 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Dear Commenters: See This Guy? He Was Mauled By A Fucking Bear. You're Next.
Goddammit. It's been almost one year since that glorious day where many of you hopeless turds were swiftly tossed out of this place for prolonged cuntiness and now that time is here again. FUCKING RUN....

Pukey Phillies Fan Cops A Plea; His Crazy Uncle Weighs In
Matthew Clemmens pleaded guilty today to assault; he's expected to receive probation. But the real news is that we heard back from his conspiracy theorist uncle!...

Intern Horrors: A Lengthy Stare-Down With Barry Bonds
Welcome to the inaugural edition of Intern Horrors, a weekly feature in which interns (and the people who hire them) get to complain. Today we have an MLB legend, a cooking accident, poop in a bank, and good old-fashioned menial labor....

Gay Mexican Edition! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

This Is What Happens When You Do Ecstasy At Home By Yourself In Your Underwear
He actually took a sedative to calm himself down a bit. Then, of course, he strips and dances around with a pacifier in his mouth. Because it's rave or die time, I assume. Mesmerizing. [ViaAlexBlagg'sTwitter]...

What A PR Guy Sounds Like When He's Returning Calls About Delonte West Banging LeBron's Mom
Remember all those absurd rumors about LeBron's mother Gloria and oft-benched teammate Delonte West knockin' boots? Well, I called the Cavs and left a fairly detailed message, asking for comment. And the Cavs called back....

Watch The 1972 NBA One-On-One Championship, In All Its Glorious Weirdness
In 1972, the NBA had a one-on-one tournament for $15,000. They played by twos, to 20, win by four. There was a "take-it-out" line that was not the three-point line. The NBA: Where weird but sorta awesome used to happen....

All Of Roger Clemens' Physical Gifts Can Be Purchased In This Mystery Discount Box
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tame Your Undergrowth
Have people commented on your lovely mohair sweater when you are in fact shirtless? Have ladies gotten their wristwatches, rings, or Lee Press-On Nails stuck in your chest forest? Tell us why you need a Philips Norelco Bodygroom Pro, and you could win one....

Ridiculous Rumors Started By Internet Varmints: Delonte West Banged LeBron's Mom
Any minute now, you're going to get a "FWD: fwd: FWD" email that purports to have originated with a guy whose "uncle is the general contractor at the Q" and who has it on good authority that West is tagging LBJ's mom....

The Condom Follies. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Join Us For A Live Chat With Doug Glanville Tomorrow At 2pm EDT
The baseball player who was smarter than you is now an author who is smarter than you. Glanville will be here tomorrow to discuss his new book, "The Game From Where I Stand," as well as other germane topics....

Stanford Guard Dismissed From Team After Golf Cart DUI
Fifth-year senior JJ Hones was arrested last week for "driving under the influence, reckless driving, evading a police officer and resisting arrest." Not bad considering her vehicle runs on batteries and easily tips over on fairways. [Fanhouse]...

An Illustrated Timeline Of The Maria Menounos "Shit Talking" Crisis
This morning, on ESPN's popular variety program First Take, TV personality Maria Menounos, speaking to Jay Crawford, said that she enjoyed live-Tweeting NBA games because she got to engage in "shit talking" with her followers. The Twitterverse went to DEFCON-2. A timeline....

Five Guys Is Good, Just Ask Phil Mickelson
Remember how Phil Mickelson wouldn't stop prattling on about Five Guys last week at The Players? "Best burger I've ever had," he said. Yeah, turns out Lefty owns rights to Five Guys franchises in Orange County. [Sports Biz, via WUP]...

Lebron Vows To Save New York
Sure, it's a former Albany mayoral candidate-turned-deputy commissioner at the State Liquor Authority named Nathan Lebron. But still, could you imagine? [Times Union]...

Washed-Up Coach Reduced To Shamelessly Peddling Crap On Twitter
Judging by his Twitter account, Florida Atlantic's Mike Jarvis is now a celebrity spokesman for something called the EnergyCare Dream Pillow, which apparently worked so well for Jarvis that he slept through an entire basketball season. [@coachmikejarvis]...

Internet Commenters, Ethnographized
New York Magazine's Doree Shafrir delved into the culture of internet commenting, specifically examining several popular websites. Strangely enough, she lumped you all in with the Gawker commenters. Show her how it's done down there in the mire. [NYMag.com]...

Boston Mayor Needs A Refresher Course On Boston Sports
Confused Mayor Thomas Menino reminiscences about some of Beantown's "ionic" sports moments: "Havlicek stole the ball, Fisk waiving the ball fair, Flutie launching the Hail Mary pass, Varitek splitting the uprights." No mention of Antoine Walker's bloody shoulder pads? [Globe]...

Join Us Monday For A Marathon Live Chat With Will Leitch
Leitch will be taking your questions at 1 p.m. tomorrow — about his book, about whatever — and he says he'll hang around until you have none left. We're gunning for your record, Neyer....