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Wake Up, Deadspin Redux: Okay Deadspin, It's You, Me And This Skull-Shaped Bottle Of Vodka...
...let's see what happens. We had some unforeseen logistical issues to work through this morning but I think we're in the clear now. Consider this a learning experience for everyone, I guess....

A Children's Treasury Of Rick Reilly®'s Heat-Related Similes
Rick Reilly®, who yesterday brought word that Colt McCoy's girlfriend is "hotter than shrimp vindaloo," has long shown a fondness for thermodynamic analogy. We've collected a few examples, with helpful visual accompaniment....

Your Food/Finance/Heavy Construction Metaphor Of The Day
"[W]hen a team gets on a postseason roll, it usually produces a steamroller effect. Sometimes the roll goes stale, but if you get a fast bite after it leaves the oven, it still tastes good and pays dividends." [NYDailyNews.com]...

Rick Reilly®'s Hornball Simile Propels Colt McCoy's Girlfriend Into Momentary Google Fame (UPDATE)
Colt McCoy, Rick Reilly® writes, "has a girlfriend hotter than shrimp vindaloo, Rachel Glandorf." The first thing you'll notice is that he's analogizing a woman to Indian cuisine. The second: He names her, awkwardly. And now look what he's done......

The Roller Derby Twins Spectacle
I was a little alarmed to find out the NY Times did a huge feature on Katie and Kristy Barry, two nice young woman whom I had the pleasure of meeting for a drink a couple weeks ago....

Sorry For Not Hiring The Identical Twins (Yet)
Yes, yes, we know. Stop writing us about it. [NYTimes, third from last paragraph]...

Young College QBs Beleaguered By Crazy Fans With Cell Phones And Internet Access
The nation's paper of record did a terrifying feature about the downside of being a high profile college quarterback and the deadly pitfalls the new media era of Twitter, Facebook, and, ahem, Deadspin....

Food Metaphor Of The Year
"In the Boston cookbook, most of its tasty concoctions based on defensive ingredients, Kessel is viewed as that little sprig of parsley that makes the plate look better but really doesn't factor into whether the meal is a true success."...

If A Photo Of A Norwegian Black Metal Band Is On Deadspin, That Means Shit Is Seriously Messed Up
For real. This is the first snow day since I've been at Gawker, but the server problems are quite severe this time site-wide and it's making everyone's day miserable. So we're shutting it down for today....

Metaphor As Illness: Whitlock, Train Rides And The Pursuit Of "Strange Tang"
Since the deaths of Steve McNair and Arturo Gatti, the world has turned its misty eyes to the prose of Jason Whitlock, who has made sense of it all by analogizing crazily and discoursing on "strange tang" and "young tail."...

Diagramming Sarah Palin's "Full-Court Press" Metaphor
Last Friday, Sarah Palin shrugged into her respectable Republican cloth coat and announced she was resigning from office. Along the way, she dropped a somewhat baffling basketball analogy, which we've helpfully diagrammed for you below, just as Palin described it....

Young Hardcore Guitarist Will Never Be A Clone Of Jim Rome
The band: Iron Age. The problem? Jim Rome. Spout-off, Wade Allison: "Jesus Christ is Jim Rome a fucking loser or what? I mean, everyone must know he's an extreme douchebag at this point." [Noise Creep via SMNNEWS]...

Bob Huggins Now Sporting Non-Metaphorical Black Eyes
Huggins, the bail bondsman who coaches college basketball games in his spare time, showed up to a fundraiser wearing shiners on either eye. The explanation? He lost a fight with his bathroom door. It happens....

Adam LaRoche Is A F&*#ing Soldier
The Pirates first baseman on this week's Nate McLouth deal: "It's kind of like being with your platoon in a battle, and guys keep dropping around you." Kellen Winslow adds: "We don't care about nobody except this P." [ESPN]...

Raiders Come To Terms With Fast, Toolsy Budget Airliner
The Raiders are teaming up with "low-budget, long-haul" Air Asia X and sticking their logo on the tailfin of an aircraft, now dubbed the "Commitment To Excellence" plane. A sad metaphor waiting to happen. [Examiner]...

Of Superbikes And Food Metaphors: FJM's Greatest Hits
A sports blog's success is usually measured by page views or unique visitors — these odd, mysterious numbers that merely serve as advertiser bait, but are woefully inaccurate in revealing overall quality. The true measure of a successful sports blog, like most other creative endeavors done for the r...

Say Hello To The Newest Olympic Sport: Scooter Jousting
I'll admit that this one has a tenuous link at best to sports, but come on; two elderly women are playing bumper cars with their mobility scooters in the middle of a supermarket, and you expect me to simply let it slide? I'm not made of stone! It goes without saying that if Versus made this a weekly...

We Are (Mostly) Made of Stars
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane, co-editor of Walk Off Walk, to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week....

Lunch Break With Judas Priest
Clare, get a Flyers chant going on while I'm gone....