mia Page 114 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Derrick Rose Floats One Off The Glass, And The Bulls Take The East
Last night, the Chicago Bulls defeated the Celtics by 16 points, 97-81. In doing so, they effectively clinched the top seed in the Eastern Conference for the first time since the 1997-98 season — Chicago would have to lose the remainder of its games and the HeatCeltics would have to win the rest o...

College Kid Who Cried "Coach Attacked Me" Apparently Decided To Steal Two Beers From The Phillies
Your morning roundup for April 8, the day the Associated Press union decided to stick it to The Man, with whom it's negotiating a new contract, by not promoting stories on Facebook and Twitter next week. Consequences will never be the same....

Police Report Says Gloria James Slapped A Valet In The Face And Then Fell Over
Gloria James has been charged with battery and disorderly intoxication after her early-morning altercation with a nightclub parking valet. We've transcribed the report below; the entire document is available via the Miami Herald. Everything sic'd, and de-capitalized for your sanity:...

Gloria James Arrested After Alleged Assault In Miami
Gloria James, mother of LeBron, has reportedly been arrested on suspicion of a misdemeanor assault in Miami. The altercation is said to involve a parking valet at the Fontainebleau Hotel's LIV nightclub and zero Miami Heat players. [ESPN]...

Real Men Support The Cleveland Indians By Kissing One Another On Live Television
Your morning roundup for April 7, the day that attempted courtroom eye-gouging became a no-no....

LeBron James Gets Stake In Liverpool, Joins Unofficial Club For The Filthy Rich
LeBron James is smiling because even after an embarrassing hour-long ESPN special this summer that maligned him to the majority of humans not residing in South Beach, and even after his hometown fans burned his Cleveland jerseys and turned his name into a curse word, and even after his new team face...

Chad Pennington Bucks Tradition And Injures His Leg Instead Of His Arm
Two-time Comeback Player of the Year and current free agent Chad Pennington went and did something wholly original this week: he injured his leg instead of injuring his arm. To be exact, Pennington tore his ACL while playing in a pickup basketball game. Add this to his 2003 fractured hand, his 2005 ...

Michael Irvin Wants To Restore 80s-Style Discipline To Miami Football
Today, University of Miami (by way of North Philadelphia) football coach Al Golden took to Twitter with a major announcement. It involved "U Discipline," his desire to "Uphold The Legacy," and a quote from human-hurricane Michael Irvin....

Scott Raab Shaved "QUITNESS" Into His Head For LeBron's Return
Esquire's Scott Raab, whose LeBron Watch here chronicled Cleveland's inevitable doom last summer, still is not quite cool with LeBron James, the Whore of Akron....

The Cavs Got Their 15th Win Last Night, And It Happened To Be Over The Miami Heat
The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Miami Heat at home last night, 102-90, for just their fifteenth win of the season. For the 51-23 Heat, who clinched a playoff spot over two weeks ago and just have to survive the remainder of the season without a significant injury, this was really just another sli...

Watch 16-Year-Old Indi Cowie Juggle A Soccer Ball Better Than The Boys
This week, the New York Times Magazine has the classic story about the quiet, anonymous Scottish-American high school sophomore girl who happens to be one of the best freestyle soccer players in the world. Stop me if you've heard this one before....

Rodney Stuckey Is The Latest To Embarrass Chris Bosh
Since Miami beat Detroit last night, 100-94, and since the Heat (49-22) are already in the playoffs while the Pistons (25-46) decidedly are not, all we can really say about this game is that Chris Bosh still found a way to make it embarrassing for the guys in red. Here's Rodney Stuckey, the doll o...

Pat Riley Dance Party!
These are so stupid, we know. And they amuse only us. But damned if we can help ourselves from taking a snippet of video of Pat Riley dancing at a Heat rally and put it toward our own selfish editing purposes....

LeBron James Dance Party!
LeBron was on Ellen! So that's fun. Also fun: LeBron dancing with an aerobics class, set to a very appropriate music choice for a Miami guy....

LeBron James Turned The Atlanta Hawks Into The Cleveland Cavaliers For 12 Minutes
Your morning roundup for March 19, the day after it became wise to snatch a few domain names ending in ".xxx"....

Let's Marvel At D-Wade's Two-Handed Dunk, And Laugh At His Celebration In A Game They Would Lose
Wade's vertical should be measured in Bibbys instead of inches here, throwing one down (way down) in the second quarter of last night's game against OKC. Are we bringing back the Cabbage Patch? Let's not bring back the Cabbage Patch....

LeBron James Gets Hit In Mouth By Foe, "Hammered" By Teammate
Sure, the Miami Heat beat the Memphis Grizzlies by 33 yesterday, but this "Fox X Mo" clip from the end of the first half still bears mention. Why? Because America loves when LeBron James gets hit in the face and runs into teammate Dwyane Wade who, with a lowered shoulder, dropped him the floor lik...

Here's Video Of UNC's Anticlimactic Buzzer-Beater
UNC came back from down 17 19 against Miami this afternoon. Their only lead of the game came at the buzzer, when Kendall Marshall drove valiantly to the hoop and... dished it off to Tyler Zeller for a lay-up. Still, a game-winning buzzer-beater is a game-winning buzzer-beater, a win is a win, and ...

An NBA Regular Season Game Actually Felt Important
Yes, there were the subplots, and there were an awful lot of them. But mostly it was two players who made the game feel like it mattered, because they matter, and because it mattered to them....

Tim Lincecum's Doppelgänger Will Give You The Ride Of Your Life For One Million Dollars
Your morning roundup for March 11, day two of "junta rules."...