Here’s Miami Marlins first base coach Perry Hill, wearing a soggy leaf of lettuce under his batting helmet to stay cool during yesterday’s sweltering afternoon game against the Atlanta Braves:

The Nationals picked a really good time to have their big players-only meeting, Wednesday night, following a sweep at home at the hands of the Boston Red Sox. The Nationals had lost five in a row and 15 of 19, and were outscored by the Red Sox 18-7. Whatever spin certain of their players tried to put on it, the…

In a 16-inning battle between the Rays and the Marlins that started a little after 7 p.m. on July 3 and carried on until 12:42 a.m on July 4, it was a double from Tampa’s Jake Bauers that broke a seemingly never-ending 4-4 deadlock and eventually led the Rays to an exhausting 9-6 victory. It may not have been a result…

Even if you are the type of team that operates under a strict adherence to baseball’s dopey unwritten rules, there are times when exceptions should be made. For example, when it comes time to defend the honor of a known dolt like Hunter Strickland, who started a useless beef with a rookie Marlin who is hitting .180…

Hunter Strickland has long been established as the biggest baby, as he once threw a retaliatory pitch for a nearly 3-year-old dinger. It doesn’t take much to get under the Giants closer’s skin, besides exposing him as kind of a mortal pitcher in front of large crowds.

Last month Miami radio host Andy Slater joined Marlins Man on an investigative trip to the British Virgin Islands, where they learned that the corporate address of the Miami Marlins was a post office box, listed in order to establish the Marlins as a foreign company, for the most cynical of reasons. This was an…

Here is a section of a transcript of an interview Derek Jeter did with Bryant Gumbel, set to air on HBO Real Sports on Tuesday, courtesy of the Miami Herald.

In a move that is equal parts activism, investigative journalism, and performance art, and is rooted in one strange man’s performative loyalty to the least lovable franchise in baseball, Marlins Man apparently flew to the British Virgin Islands and sought the location of the corporate home of the Miami Marlins, to…

Though there were almost no fans in attendance to see it, something extremely dumb and good happened in last night’s silly Pirates-Marlins game: with one out in the bottom of the 5th inning, with the bases loaded, Marlins second baseman Starlin Castro skied a fly ball to right field for what would normally produce…

The Marlins beat the Pirates last night, at home, in front of fewer than 7,000 fans. Before the game new Marlins owner Derek Jeter spoke to assembled media about evaluating his team’s start, what it will take to develop a winning culture, and those dismal home crowds:

If I asked you which MLB franchise is claiming foreign citizenship in a Caribbean tax haven, and is doing so in order to get out of a lawsuit, you’d have answered the Marlins before I finished asking the question, wouldn’t you?

Last February, the families of Eduardo Rivero and Emilio Jesus Macias, the two men who died in a boat crash alongside Marlins ace José Fernández, filed suit against the Fernández estate, each seeking $2 million in damages. Autopsy results showed that Fernández had a BAC of .147 as well as cocaine in his system at the…

About 25 seconds into the baseball season, the Miami Marlins were losing.

Aw shit yeah, buddies, it’s Opening Day! The good kind of Opening Day, too. One of those classics on which all 30 teams—well, except for the Nats and Reds and Tigers and Pirates, because their games have already been postponed—play on the same day and it’s non-stop baseball. I do have one piece of bad news, though.

When you follow a perennially shitty team like the Miami Marlins, change can feel both sudden and incremental. The single games or plays that torpedoed one season or another in variously spectacular fashion vanish from the memory, if only because there was never anything meaningful to lose in the first place. The…

Much of the Miami Marlins’ roster from last season has departed, but the team’s true centerpiece—the home run sculpture in the outfield—is set to remain, at least for now. That’s not for lack of trying by CEO Derek Jeter, who’s indicated that he’s not a fan. But the fact that the statue is considered public art (due…

Let us use the Rays as an example, because, hell, if the Rays didn’t want to be used as the poster team for hemorrhaging salary with no clear goal other than to shovel cash into its ownership’s maw, maybe they shouldn’t have so conspicuously nuked a roster that was five games out of a playoff spot.

The Marlins are a cynical disaster of a franchise with no apparent interest in winning baseball games, and the obviousness of all that has put the actual members of the team in a tough spot. The players on the Marlins still have to go out and play 162 games and pretend like the reason for them taking the field every…

True scumbag Jeffrey Loria treated the good people of Miami to one final insult on his way out of town, using tricky accounting to avoid paying Miami-Dade County an agreed-upon share of the profits from his sale of the team. Now it appears Miami-Dade is suing his sorry ass. From a Miami Herald report:

This winter has held plenty in the way of absurd news about the Miami Marlins; it hasn’t even been two months since a full news cycle was devoted to Marlins Man complaining on the radio about his lack of invite to a season ticketholders’ meeting with Derek Jeter, ultimately receiving an invite to said meeting,…