Ronald Acuña Jr. Gets Revenge, But The Braves And Marlins Aren't Done Beefing Yet

Earlier this month, Marlins pitcher Jose Ureña spiced up the team’s divisional rivalry with the Braves by plunking the white-hot rookie Ronald Acuña Jr., who at the time had hit three consecutive lead-off dingers. (The HBP didn’t technically snap Acuña’s streak, although he didn’t hit a lead-off HR the next day.) The…

Cowardly Jose Ureña Beans Ronald Acuña To Avoid Another Lead-Off Dinger

20-year-old Braves slugger Ronald Acuña Jr. is molten hot right now, blasting eight homers in his last eight games and lead-off dongs in each of his last three. If you’re Marlins starter Jose Ureña, facing the Braves tonight, you can either take Acuña’s recent success as an exciting challenge to your own skills, or…

Petty-Ass Derek Jeter Yanks Credentials From Radio Host Who Tracked Down Marlins’ Overseas Corporate Office

Last month Miami radio host Andy Slater joined Marlins Man on an investigative trip to the British Virgin Islands, where they learned that the corporate address of the Miami Marlins was a post office box, listed in order to establish the Marlins as a foreign company, for the most cynical of reasons. This was an…

Marlins Man Visits Marlins' Off-Shore Corporate Home, Finds P.O. Box And Many Confused Locals

In a move that is equal parts activism, investigative journalism, and performance art, and is rooted in one strange man’s performative loyalty to the least lovable franchise in baseball, Marlins Man apparently flew to the British Virgin Islands and sought the location of the corporate home of the Miami Marlins, to…

Lawyer Claims José Fernández Was Framed, Was Not Behind The Wheel During Fatal Boat Crash

Last February, the families of Eduardo Rivero and Emilio Jesus Macias, the two men who died in a boat crash alongside Marlins ace José Fernández, filed suit against the Fernández estate, each seeking $2 million in damages. Autopsy results showed that Fernández had a BAC of .147 as well as cocaine in his system at the…