miami Page 101 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Pat Riley Feels Like A Mosquito In A Nudist Colony. Seriously
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who loves zombie movies and is really ticked off that Diary of the Dead came out in a limited release. Oh well. Hopefully World War Z will come out some time in the next year. Anyway, when he isn't obsessing over flesh-eating ghouls, he can be found feasting...

Non-Robotic Jason Taylor To Dance Like The Wind
You surely remember the monstrosity (and potential extinctive agent for humanity as a whole) that was the Jason Taylor Robot. (It responds to visual stimulation! Ack!) Well, the real life version — as much as a "real life version" can exist — is about to be cutting a proverbial rug....

In Reebok's Alternate Universe, The Patriots Are 19-0
You had to figure that Reebok filmed two versions of its Perfectville Super Bowl commercial, and indeed, here it is; as reported by Larry Brown Sports. The highlight for me is the deliveryman with the "Patriots 19-0" T-shirt … possibly the only one of those still remaining in the Northern Hemisphere...

Trying To Figure Out That Crazy Shaq-Suns Trade
It's pretty rare, in this sports world we all love, fear and hold dear, to find something that everyone agrees on. Unanimity of opinion is non-existent; we sometimes wonder if you held a poll saying, "Would you like to be punched in the face right now?" the margin would still have at least 0.001 pe...

Mr. T Pities Fools, Miami Heat
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is in no way related to Kevin McHale and has taken the necessary legal steps to ensure that it stays that way. When he's not admiring this Rik Smits wallpaper, he can be found country line dancing at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • At least he's in Barkley's Fav...

Heat Keep On Slipping, Slipping, Slipping ...
The NBA Closer is written by our Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or hiding in suitcases, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast....

51.8 Gigawatts!?
After a loss to the Atlanta Hawks, Udonis Haslem looked at a picture of his family and saw his siblings fading out of focus. He had no choice but to set things right and change the past. See, back on December 18 against the Atlanta Hawks, a last-minute foul that should have gone to Haslem instead wa...

Shall We Ever See The Likes Of Cam Again?
We do not claim to be experts in the field of NFL general management, but we'd have to think when your team just went 1-15, and Bill Parcells just became your new boss, you're not long for this world....

How Do You Like 'Dem Apples, Riley?
My Christmas holiday summed up in five words or less: Clementines, Toblerones and beer. No joke. A million thanks to Alphonso Jackson, Nancy K. Kopp and, of course, Rick Chandler for filling in while I was gone. Your 'Body Shop' gift certificates are in the mail. Now, on to the NBA Closer!...

Pretend It's A Playoff Game, And The Heat Are Suddenly Good Again
Let's see if I got this right. The Miami Heat are still supposed to be good because Shaquille O'Neal is still tall, Dwyane Wade is still making commercials, and Pat Riley's hair gel also doubles as a love potion, or so claimed the highly motivated salesman and his cardboard kiosk. But even after Wad...

The Dolphins Climb Out Of The Hole
We have made no secret of our enduring love of The Dugout, both in its original incarnation and its current, non-expletive form at AOL Sports. But you think these guys just know baseball? Pshaw....

Dolphins Win! HOLY COW The Dolphins Win!
Notes and info smidgens from Week 14 in the NFL. ......

Fins Win! Fins Win! Fins Win!
Well, we said the Dolphins had to beat the Ravens to avoid the ol' schneid season, and gosh golly gee dang it, they somehow pulled it off! In overtime! Shortly after Baltimore missed a 44-yard field goal, Greg Camarillo caught a short pass over the middle and busted off the 64-yard winner. Final sco...

Fun Time In Dolphins Land
We have made no secret of our enduring love of The Dugout, both in its original incarnation and its current, non-expletive form at AOL Sports. But you think these guys just know baseball? Pshaw. Therefore, Football Guys, the official chatroom of the NFL. It will run here on Deadspin weekly, every Tu...

Heat Check, Heat Rising, Etc., Etc.
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!...

When Life Imitates Art
The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy!...

Smush Parker Has Had It Up To Here With Hidden Fees
If Smush Parker wasn't your favorite player in the NBA before this week — and dammit, he should have been! — he certainly is making a plea for your heart now....

Steelers Roll Around In The Slop For Three Hours
How close we were last night to a 0-0 tie on "Monday Night Football." That's one that would have gone down in history; we'd certainly remember a soccer result more than we'd remember a dull, sloppy, soaked morass. All that was missing last night was fog....

The Dolphins' Quest For History Continues
We are set up, once again, for a dreadful Monday Night Football game, but at least there's some history on the line: We'd love to see Steve Spurrier and the 1976 Buccaneers on the sideline, cheering for the Dolphins so that they can all have their yearly Miller High Life celebration once the last w...

A Little Left In The Big Tank
• Some Country For Old Men. I have no idea which Heat scrub cranked up Shaquille O'Neal last night — Chris Quinn maybe? — but whoever it was sure had that sucker wound tight. The Big Everything had season highs of 26 points and 14 rebounds, his best game in what feels like years, as the Heat handed ...