minnesota Page 75 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
When Bat Boys Attack
If you were to believe television broadcasts, every fan who runs on the field is violently tackled, beaten or otherwise pummeled. Networks won't show a guy who's just running around, but they love to see him hammered. Hence, last night's Boston-Minnesota game, when a bat boy wallops a sliding fan an...
Question Seems Perfectly Logical To Us
Former Minnesota Twins Bert Blyleven occassionally takes time out of pleading for Hall of Fame election — justifiably, if you ask us — to broadcast Twins games for Fox Sports. The other evening, he was put in the unfortunate position of having to talk to former "American Idol" contest Ace Young (a...
...And The Sex Boat Sails Out Of Our Lives
It looks like we may be officially closing the cabin door on the Minnesota sex boat incident. Both Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot pleaded guilty yesterday to disorderly conduct and being a public nuisance on a watercraft. They'll both get fines and community service. And here's a nice quote from t...
Onterrio, Canada
Having been released by the Minnesota Vikings, and suspended until at least October, running back Onterrio Smith is heading to the Canadian Football League, where the laws about fake penises are much more relaxed....
Culpepper Now Free To Have Naked Women Dance In His General Vicinity (But There, And Only There)
New Dolphins quarterback Daunte Culpepper need not worry about the potential new ramifications of the term "lap dance" from jail; he has been cleared of all charges in the sex boat incident. His former teammate Moe Williams was not so lucky; he'll still have to strand trial, along with decidedly m...
Three Tiny Tidbits On: The Twins
Baseball is here! Inspired by an old feature on The Black Table, we're previewing the season by going team-by-team and distributing Four Things You Don't Know about them. If you have suggested oddities on your team, send them to us at [email protected]. Today: The Minnesota Twins....
It's Almost Opening Day! AL Central Preview
We almost forgot in all the George Mason hysteria, but, jeez, folks, baseball starts, like, Sunday. So, we figured it was probably time to start paying attention. Henceforth, we're going to be previewing each division, two a day, through the end of the week. We thought we'd start with the America...
What Is A Lap Dance? You Know, In An Existential Sense, Aren't We All Just God's Lap Dancers?
So the Vikings sex boat trial in Minnesota is going on, like, right now. Well, kind of; former quarterback Daunte Culpepper and fullback Moe Williams are trying to talk a judge into dismissing charges against them. The two players were charged, pretty much, with receiving lap dances, which has spu...
Culpepper To Spend Plenty Of Time Near Water
The Orlando Sentinel and FOX Sports are reporting that the trade is official: Daunte Culpepper has been traded to the Miami Dolphins....
LeCharles Bentley Is Pretty In Brown
Day one of the NFL's free agent season was fairly quiet with none of the really big names finding new homes. The Cleveland Browns have made the biggest splash so far, singing offensive linemen LeCharles Bentley, Kevin Shaffer, and wide receiver Joe Jerevicius....
Remembering Kirby Puckett
As you've surely heard by now, Twins Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett died last night at the age of 45. Puckett was a player who was impossible to dislike; he played baseball the way we all imagine we would, if we had the chance. His post-retirement career was smeared by Frank Deford's famous Sports Il...
Kirby Puckett Suffers Stroke
I've gotta bring you some sad news to bring you this afternoon. The Minnesota Twins have announced that hall of fame centerfielder Kirby Puckett has suffered a stroke and is undergoing surgery in Arizona....
The Sex Boat Story Will Never Go Away. Awesome.
Is it possible to ever get tired of the Vikings sex boat story? We think it's not. We're pretty sure, actually....
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Bob Sansevere
The St. Paul Pioneer-Press has an annual contest called "Average Joe Columnist," in which a field of 16 non-journalists submit sports articles, and are judged American Idol-style by sports editor Mike Bass and columnist Bob Sansevere. The latter, it seems, fancies himself in the Simon Cowell role — ...
The Pain Of Kevin Garnett's Adidas Commercial
If you're like us, you're thoroughly depressed by the Kevin Garnett Adidas commercials running right now, specifically the "standup comedy" segment, which makes Garnett look like, as Free Darko puts it, "the loneliest man alive."...
What Could Be The Greatest Sports Story Ever
The man you see in this picture is Kevin Rogers. A football lifer, he is most famous for being Donovan McNabb's quarterback coach at Syracuse. He and his wife Betty are the parents of three. Earlier today, Rogers was hired by new coach Brad Childress to become the quarterbacks coach for the Minnes...
New Vikings Coach Sporting Rare Mustache/Baldness Combo
Today, the Minnesota Vikings will announce that Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress will be their new coach, or, if you can't resist making the same joke everybody else is making this morning, captain of their ship. Childress has been with the Eagles for seven years, and, having seen Requi...
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....
You're Doing A Heckuva Job, Ticey
Imagine, if you will, Ron Artest blasting fans for getting in fights, or Damon Stoudamire organizing a protest against High Times, or Fred Smoot screaming at those who would use contraptions to "please" two women who happened to be lying prostrate on the deck of a boat. Hypothetically speaking....