mlb-closer Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Broom With A View
Their logo is politically incorrect, their manager is a noted wife puncher and their broadcasters are notorious homers, and I mean all of that in the nicest possible way. But today there is no denying the unstoppable force that is the Atlanta Braves, who completed a four-game sweep of the New York ...
Marlins Break Brandon Webb's Evil Spell
Somewhere in a third-world country, a child is wearing a Brandon Webb 10-0 t-shirt. It looks rather spiffy with his Patriots 19-0 Super Bowl hat, and his New Orleans Hornets foam No. 1 finger. To beat the most unbeatable of pitchers on Wednesday, Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez called for the most de...
Dazed And Confused
Oh, the carnage (covers eyes). Well that's it, there are no more indignities left. Following Tuesday's games, New York has seen them all. The Mets dropped a doubleheader to the Braves, featuring Ryan Church's attempt to break up a double play at second (Fail). Meanwhile, the Yankees lost to the Orio...
Jon Lester Is Unbreakable
From Victor Conte and Barry Bonds to Brian McNamee and Roger Clemens, baseball has given us every reason in the world lately to be cynical, and yet we are not. The reason for that became evident once again on Monday night in Boston, when Jon Lester — who had beaten cancer just over a year ago — thre...
Mets Live Again After Feeding On Yankees' Corpse
Those who live there would know better than I, but doesn't there seem to be a weighty, menacing cloud hovering over the Yankees these days? That's your last-place New York Yankees, who lost to the Metropolitans, 11-2, on Sunday to complete a two-game sweep. Is Oliver Perez supposed to be beating Chi...
Don't Mess With the Johan
Johan Santana wasn't exactly perfect, but he gave the Mets enough to top the Yankees in the Subway Series. The Mets ace, who could have been a Yankee for the right price, surrendered three home runs but he improved to 5-2 on the season thanks to his teammates. Billy Wagner took the cellphone out of...
Is It Werth It, Let Me Work It
There's been a lot of hand wringing in Philadelphia as of late over Ryan Howard's lack of offensive production (not to mention his arrest), but Jayson Werth is picking up the slack. Werth victimized Toronto's David Purcey for two of his three home runs and seven of his eight RBI with a grand slam an...
The Problem With The Padres? Tight Booties
What's wrong with the Padres? With Thursday's 4-0 loss to the Cubs, our Closest Team to Mexico is at 15-27, the worst record in the majors ... that's more horrible than Detroit, folks. The big reason seems to be the strikeouts-per-at-bats ratio, or as scientists call it, tight booties. Just listen ...
Cubs Have Second-Best Record In Baseball! (Me No Like Bizarro World)
If it weren't for those insufferable Diamondbacks, who play in the NL West and therefore should only get to count every other win, the Chicago Cubs would be our new overlords. As it is the Northsiders have a 24-16 record after their 8-5 win over the Padres on Wednesday, one game worse than Arizona's...
Big Doings In The Land Of Sunshine And Sharks
Removing the Devil from their name proved to be a winning exorcism for the Tampa Bay Rays, who solved the unsolvable Mariano Rivera to ascend to first place in the AL East. Gabe Gross singled with no outs in the 11th to drive in the first run Rivera has allowed this season in a 2-1 victory over the...
Zero To Three In Six Seconds
Somewhere, Neal Ball and Bill Wambsganss are smiling (which is creepy, because they're dead). They finally get to welcome another member into the Cleveland Unassisted Triple Play Club, as Asdrubal Cabrera made the magic happen on Monday night against the Blue Jays. It was the 14th unassisted triple ...
Pink Bats, Red Faces; This One's For You, Mom
Here we go, writing about breasts again. Mother's Day was Sunday, and you know what that means: The pink bats were back. And while that's good for the fight against breast cancer, it was bad for the Cincinnati Reds, who just seemed to be horribly disoriented by the unfamiliar flashing colors. I supp...
An Indian Offensive 'SPLOSION!
The Cavs victory wasn't the only thing Mistake by the Lakers celebrated yesterday while eagerly awaiting their next 23-cent pizza day. Grady Sizemore homered twice and drove in five runs to propel the Tribe to a 12-0 throttling of the Blue Jays. It's enough to get Indians fans off their ice cream he...
Papelbon's Control Goes On The Lam
Mike Lamb, he of the .213 average and no homers in 94 at-bats, was the latest to victimize the Red Sox closer, who has blown back-to-back saves. That leaves him one short of his mark through all of last season. Papelbon opened the 9th by allowing a single to Delmon Young, who advanced to third on a...
The Placement Of That Pitch Has Vexed Me, Sir. Now We Shall Wrestle
It's not really a classic baseball brawl until a tubby Don Zimmer is thrown to the turf, but this'll do. It happened on Thursday at Safeco Field: After the Rangers' Kason Gabbard tossed a fourth-inning delivery at the Mariners' Richie Sexson at face level, Sexson charged the mound and clocked Gabba...
Look Who's Back, Giants' Fans!
Now back in your starting lineup, sporting an 0-7 record and a 6.95 ERA, only the third starting pitcher since 1956 to go 0-6 before May ... Barry Zito. Thank you. It was a good spot for Giants' manager Bruce Bochy to bring Zito back from the bullpen. Wednesday's opponent was the Pirates, featuring ...
Guys And Dolls: Floyd, White Sox Back On Top
The inflatable sex doll community was shocked on Tuesday night when Chicago's Gavin Floyd once again lost a no-hitter in the late going; giving up a double to the Twins' Joe Mauer with one out in the ninth. (Inset: "Nooooo!"). Bobby Jenks came on to get the final two outs in the White Sox's 7-1 vic...
Dice-K Takes That Sniffling, Sneezing, Aching, Coughing, Stuffy-head, Fever, So-You-Can-Still-Beat-The-Tigers Medicine
Yeah, well don't get too smug, Tigers' fans. Considering that you started the season 0-7, and you couldn't beat a wildly off-target Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday, losing 6-3 — your fourth straight loss — I wouldn't be mocking the Lions too loudly. It may not be long before your fans are wearing paper ...
Who Is This Old Man In My Online Baseball Schedule?
So I'm perusing the Giants schedule on their MLB site and look what I see on May 22. Apparently we're all going to the movies! I expect to see ads on the periphery of my baseball schedule, but within the schedule itself? It's just one small step from that to Doritos ads on players' uniforms. (They'r...
Arizona Cannot Be Stopped
Brandon Webb didn't have his best performance of the year, but he can thank Augie Ojeda for helping him notch a seventh consecutive win. The Arizona reserve filled in mightily for the injured Orlando Hudson, driving in six of the runs in the 10-4 win over the Mets. Ojeda had three hits, including tw...