mlb Page 519 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Look! It's Godzilla's Helmet!
"He was in great humor, which is always when he's the best, most likable Alex," Selena Roberts wrote in A-Rod. And that was before he turned a helmet into a wedding bouquet and himself into a desperate bachelorette....

Big Leaguers Just Wanna Use Gordon Beckham's Love Tonight
Everyone wants a piece of Gordon Beckham. And by everyone, I mean, of course, the throngs of Chicago women wearing his T-shirt jersey and his fellow big leaguers who are copping his swoon-worthy at-bat music....

U.S. Attorney: Barry Bonds Prosecution Is Important Because Stan Musial Smoked Cigarettes. Or Something.
Joseph Russoniello, U.S. attorney for the Northern District of California, feels very strongly about Barry Bonds and the use of performance-enhancing drugs. Why? Because Stan Musial, the Perfect Knight, turned him into a smoker, that's why....

William Ligue's Son Still Proud He Beat Up That First Base Coach
They say it's important to live without regret. And one thing Young Bill Ligue does not regret is thrashing an old man on the field at Comiskey Park when he was 15. You just can't manufacture those kinds of memories....

Why Your Stadium Sucks: Busch Stadium
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The St. Louis Cardinals' Busch Stadium....

Surprise! No One Cares That Manny Ramirez Used PEDs
Manny came back to Mannywood last night, and the fake dreadlocked Dodger fans welcomed him back with open arms, much to the consternation of you know who....

It's Not Like The Mets Are In A Position To Ignore Advice
Do you know how bad the Mets are? The Mets are so bad that a team from Long Island is filming an instructional video to help, even if they play slow-pitch softball and they're sponsored by an assisted living company....

Ichiro Creeps Out Newest Tickle Buddy
Ichiro was stereotyped as a meticulous robot, but would a cyborg tell Jason Bay, in Japanese, that he was going to "mess with your house"? Bay's response: "I didn't know what to say. It was weird." Safe word! [WEEI]...

It's Not Officially A No-Hitter Until You Drink With A Panda
Some might tell you that Jonathan Sanchez's good luck charm was his father watching him pitch for the first time as a pro. Those people are about to learn of the Power of the Panda....

Ichiro and Obama Talk Fashion, Of Course
"I realized after seeing him today that presidents wear jeans, too. So my hope is that our skipper, [Don] Wakamatsu, was watching that and we can wear jeans on our flights as well." [MLB.com]...

Fixing The President's Throwing Motion
As you know, our commander-in-chief took the mound last night and did an excellent impression of a man trying to throw a party balloon. I asked some experts to evaluate Obama's mechanics and explain just what needed to be fixed....

The All-Star Game, Through The Eyes Of A Great Photographer
For the second consecutive year, I attended the Baseball All-Star parade. (Sorry: "Red Carpet Day.") This year, I even stuck around for the game. Witness my sad attempt at photography as we do an old school Road Trip....

Yes, This Creepy Person Was a Marketing Ploy By Fox
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

SI Writer On Pujols: You Failed At Everything This All-Star Game
Pujols crapped out at the derby, didn't win a kid a flat-screen TV, didn't win MVP in the All-Star game, didn't help Obama throw a perfect strike and didn't save the world. His legacy is tarnished. [SI]...

How Does One Get An Infected Finger?
That's what happened to Evan Longoria. So All-Star game: Longoria out, Figgins in. Not a euphemism. [ESPN]...

AP's Dumb Baseball Poll And The Durable Myth Of The Overpaid Ballplayer
The Associated Press and Knowledge Networks recently teamed up for a state-of-baseball poll that revealed nothing whatsoever except the silly dogmas of the sort of people who commission state-of-baseball polls, i.e. sportswriters....

The Home Run Derby Will Rot Your Will To Live
As it turns out, Chris Berman might be the only person pitched at the right frequency for the Home Run Derby. After three hours of that — three hours! — I was almost afraid I didn't like baseball anymore....

Pedro Martinez: Philadelphia Phillies
Level of excitement had this happened in 2004: 9. Level of excitement in 2009: 4. Still? Number of red Martinez jersey-shirts sold at Modell's over the weekend?: 8,016 [Cherry Hill Courier Post/PHOTO: EveryJoe]...

Rinku Singh, The Body Electric
Singh, Pirates farmhand and vaguely neocolonial subject, struck out the only batter he faced Monday to become what's believed to be the first India-born player to win a professional baseball game in the States. [AP]...

The Next "Athlete And Animals" Scandal? Kangaroo Boxing
Burying the lede: "Rangers SS Omar Vizquel surprised his coaches and teammates by bringing his three kangaroos into the clubhouse before the game." Omar Vizquel has three pet kangaroos? How is this not a movie script? [Jorge Says No]...